well it sure has been a long time since i have posted. there are so many new people here and have no clue to their stories or who's who. i read off and on but have not had the energy to get mixed in the age old banter that seems to perpetiate on this site.

i think the point that clo was making was a simple one. you are right that many women give children up for adoption daily for what ever reason. that does not mean that all those women are so cold hearted that the second their child is out of their sight they immediately forget them. many suffer through long depressions although they know in their hearts that they did the right thing.

you also see it in the media all the time about loved ones reuniting after 10, 20 ,30 odd years. each and everyone of them are usaully teary eyed as they embrace their long lost child. you can see and feel the anquish being lifted from their hearts after years of torment. even though they BELIEVE they did the right thing with adoption.

as far as lynn goes. i have exchanged words and opinions with her many times over this exact subject. (lynn, love ya) and feel she has her place here as well as all of us. i commend her for being strong enough to get through this miserable situation created by 2 b#ttheads. but she has managed to rebuild her marriage and keep her family intact. good for her.

only time will tell if her h has any longing in his heart to meet his oc. hopefully he is not carrying any of that with him and stuffing it inside. only he knows the truth on that subject. but if it is working for them we need to just simplpy respect their decisions on how they rebuilt their life.

i don't think anyone needs our sympathy just our prayers.

"korekted four spellin two tha best ov mi abilitee"

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: pops ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> I can only sell Girl Scout cookies!) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yummy, is it girl scout cookie time again yet??? I'll take 2 boxes of thin mints and what the heck are those ones with the coconut,, caremel and chocolate? I love those! I'll take 4 boxes of those... and one box of the shortbread ones.


Oh, I have a question too for LynnG since we are on the subject. Is it possible to terminate your rights to the OC? Or will OW not go for it because she will lose child support?

***edit****

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 07:28 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

****edit*****
Yes, I do feel sorry for people who give their children up for adoption. I'm glad that another family is able to take in the children and have a family of their own because of adoption, but that doesn't mean these people who are giving up their children don't hurt (especially the ones that feel pressured into adoption- and it DOES happen). I feel sorry for women who have abortions too. I love children. I know that I could never abort or give a child up for adoption because I love children, especially my own. Maybe that's why I don't understand how people can adopt out and abort without being heartbroken. I love my children so much, my family so much, I can't imagine choosing NOT to be involved in their life.
That's all. I didn't say they were evil for doing it. Just that I would think a person would yearn for their child.

I did not lay all the blame on MM. I told him I would raise this child on my own, and HE TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD BE A FATHER. He apparently changed his mind. I am not pouting about him not being a father. I'm actually irritated that the guy won't terminate his rights. If he doesn't want to be involved- then he should teminate his rights, correct? Isn't that what you do when you adopt a child out? "Terminate Rights". He WON'T do it. I've asked on several occasions.
So if he's not terminating his rights, and he's not involved, just what EXACTLY is he doing? Wouldn't your H's all JUMP at the chance ot be free from OC & OW ASAP???? Wouldn't they? If OW and OC are so terrible and such a difficult thing to deal with, wouldn't you & H WANT to terminate rights? Don't you find it odd that he won't? Why wouldn't he "adopt" his child out???

To Clarify: I am READY to be SOLE PARENT of a FATHERLESS CHILD. That is what I WANT, I am NOT whining about my child being fatherless.

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 07:28 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wouldn't your H's all JUMP at the chance ot be free from OC </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. Not all accidental fathers can emotionally walk away from their offspring. OW - yes. The babies, no.

...

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 08:21 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> And lets not forget, that a woman who gives up her child for adoption is considered as "noble".

Lets not forget, that a man, not the woman, MUST pay support each month for 18 years for the child he basically gives up for "adoption". </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmmm, not necessarily... My exhusband terminated his rights many many years ago. He has NC with our son.. a child of our MARRIAGE and I recieve no child support from him and never will.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Niosgirl:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wouldn't your H's all JUMP at the chance ot be free from OC </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. Not all accidental fathers can emotionally walk away from their offspring. OW - yes. The babies, no. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right NG,

Your H DOES want to be a father. I'm talking about the NC men. If these men chose NC then they've chosen NO EMOTIONAL connection. No bond. No relationship. They have chosen NC, and if they had it their way, the OW would have aborted or given the child up for adoption. If this is the case, No Contact means No Care, No Concern, No Communication, No Chance for a relationship.

The BS's here are comparing it to "Giving the Child up for Adoption".

If that's the case, why wouldn't a MM just sign his rights away??? If he's chosen the NC path, why not give the child up COMPLETELY? Wouldn't the BS's here want to be rid of OW & OC for good? Wouldn't you want him to cut his ties? If he TRULY wanted NC why wouldn't he SIGN HIS RIGHTS AWAY?

...

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I can answer that.......in most (I think all) it's illegal unless there is someone to adopt or under very special circumstances. The courts don't look at it as the best interest of the child. Also in most cases, if you sign your rights away that means no cs for the child. At least in my state that is what it's about.

OH this is getting funny again. There we go w/ getting off the MB concepts. Ok where is pep? You know I think along w/ the NO's you forgot NO SUPPORT. And yes more than 1/2 would if they had the chance to give up their rights if it came down to that! Either right or wrong they would. You cant have just the NO's you choose, but all of the NO's should apply. I like a VERY few others dont agree w/ the NO's, but I'm not the rest of them. I am concerned for me and mine, including the oc, by the way and H*** would freeexzzeee over before we ever agreed to the NO's. JM is right they cant so they dont. Its the way of life, you get a pc I get a pc. But if the law made it work for everyone involved, then yes they would give up their rights to the children they didn't ask for (shouldn't have help create) and the children didn't ask to be here or be in this situation and look what all they have to indure for the rest of their lives. Thats a shame to me, it really is. No more than this topic. All it does in create more anger and more hurt and make those who try to make a difference, not wanting to try for the fear that someone in the situation will act like this. SHAME ON YOU ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Yes, but in my state, it's legal. I'm giving him the opportunity to walk away for good and he won't.
Won't legally walk away from his child, yet he won't physically have a relationship with his child.


I think he's keeping it on the backburner in case his M doesn't make it. Right now he's NC out of W's wishes. If M doesn't work and W is gone, I imagine he'll try to waltz right into his child's life.

Like I said, if these men truly wanted NC, they'd JUMP at the chance to be rid of OC and OW if the opportunity came up.

Think about it. LynnG's H doesn't even want contact when the OC turns 18. You can't even say in that case that it's OW holding back the relationship between father and child. He does not want to have anything to do with this child. I would imagine that LynnG & H would have terminated their rights years ago if given the opportunity. They want NO CONNECTION to this child.

So, why would a MM hang on to that unless he had plans in the future to know the child?

It just doesn't make sense. I'm giving him a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, and he's turning it down.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think he's keeping it on the backburner in case his M doesn't make it. Right now he's NC out of W's wishes. If M doesn't work and W is gone, I imagine he'll try to waltz right into his child's life.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I ABSOLUTELY, 100%, think the EXACT same thing about my personal situation...well, not the NC by wife's choice part...

(it's actually a shame though, given a choice, i'd deal with his wife before I'd deal with him)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CheerfulLittleOne:
I'm giving him a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, and he's turning it down. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe he's not too bright?? Maybe he's got some sort of an emotional disconnect??

Does it really matter "why"???

It just is the reality you must deal with the very best you can.

Trying to second guess what does not make sense is a waste of your good time and energy.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think he's keeping it on the backburner in case his M doesn't make it. Right now he's NC out of W's wishes. If M doesn't work and W is gone, I imagine he'll try to waltz right into his child's life </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he is NC because of W's wishes-- where the he** was SHE when he was screwing you? Was THAT him respecting HER wishes too? Get REAL. He is NC because HE wants to be. And if he IS doing it because of W's wishes thats because he loves her and WANTS to make HER happy and safe as he promised to before God. After all- as you OW constantly say- NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY- not your M-- WELL--guess what, he is now returning to what IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY, finally.

As far as being on the backburner- he has a RIGHT to change his mind. AND THATS THE LAW. There must be a reason for such laws. Reasons like-- he changed his mind about you and the baby he wanted. Most ow cry BAD BAD MM NOW because they've changed their minds about him. OR like women choose to adopt and then change their minds.

ahhhh shoot gotta run.. but be sure my 100 word a minute typing [censored] will be back after dinner....... hungy dirty sweaty football playing boys are barking at me and dad.........

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> If he is NC because of W's wishes-- where the he** was SHE when he was screwing you? Was THAT him respecting HER wishes too? Get REAL.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She was at home. She had kicked him out (long before I was in the picture by the way). Respecting her wishes? Well, I'm sure that when she kicked him out she didn't mean to imply "Leave and go find a girlfriend" but that's what happened. She kicked him out and he felt she was going to be divorcing him.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> He is NC because HE wants to be. And if he IS doing it because of W's wishes thats because he loves her and WANTS to make HER happy and safe as he promised to before God. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree.

This whole topic really got me to thinking. I know this is veering OT a bit, I hope not too much.

H and I agree, the only way we would ever try to make any kind of contact with x-om is a case of medical emergency for baby--a matter of life or death, and x-om might be only hope. Would he turn us away? I honestly haven't a clue.

It's occurred to me, and it's troubling to think on--what if x-om thinks the same way???? What if those are the same circumstances he would contact us? Would we, (baby), help him or any future children he may someday have in a case of medical emergency???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Would we turn him away? God, I don't know. Obviously if OC is 18, it would be his decision.

Would any of you who are in NC ever seek the help of OC in a medical emergency/life or death situation of the MM or the children of the M?

Thanks,
~ad

good question, AD-- it'd almost be too tempting for the OW to WITHHOLD OC as punishment for not being there till we needed something..... many OW have a DEEP DEEP seated hatred for the MM"s W and even their children. Just as many BS have deep hate for OW/OC.

It think I would try, though-anything for a loved one. I think my H would help OC in this type of situation, even though we are in NC.Thats kind of off the charts ... I think you have even the duty to save your birthchild's life even if OC had to grow up in NC due to a tough situation like we all are here.

Cheerful
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, but in my state, it's legal. I'm giving him the opportunity to walk away for good and he won't.
Won't legally walk away from his child, yet he won't physically have a relationship with his child.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does this mean that he's 100% free from any responsibility to this child? $$$

If another man adopts our child, Yes- 100% free.

If I don't allow anyone to adopt our child, then he is still financially responsible.

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>