Need some advice...My H does not consider us seperated. He comes home once a day ..calls..supports us financially but does not sleep at home.

WE have 4 children. Two of whom we adopted . They have some medical problems, and I resigned from work almost a year a go to go back to school with the support of my H.

Now that the OC is born and is most likely 99% his....he has lots of medical problems. Will we be responsible for all his medical bills. Mother is on welfare and recieves medi-cal.

How do I protect our Ins. from "topping" if this child gets added on. Our little ones have to have insurance for there medical needs. Also ,
will we be responsible since he has not paided anything?? She has not requested but I don't want to be blindsided.

I also don't want us to be left out in the cold as I am unemployed and my H is the only one working. Will the courts take this into consideration...and will H have to file him on our taxes?

Also if I file for legal seperation for me and the kids sake..I'm afraid my H will take this as I'm giving up ..plus this is not want I want. I'm not sure of the legalitilies of it all. I also don't want it to be an excuse "well were were seperated either"?

any advice welcome!

Lori

You will need legal advice from a well respected, pit bull of an attorney.

You may be able to get child support in place for your children to protect family finances for the family it was intended.

Get a separate policy for the oc, stipulating that you are responsible for 50% of the oc medical bills. Meaning it took two to get pregnant, it takes two to be responsible for the bills. Since you are dealing with a welfare ho, this could be an issue. This is where a good attorney will help you out.

You can work this out with your husband, from a financial standpoint, protecting your family first.

It is never wrong to get good, solid, strong legal advice. If you keep that child off your current policy, all should be ok with that company.

LynnG!

I will say it again. You are absolutely invaluable to alot of new comers here!

I will say it! Your my hero! Just reading your post...is inspiring... you give these devastated people hope!

Have you ever thought about becoming a lawyer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

wiz

*Sorry for the thread jack lori... if your H is not sleeping there at nights... go get a lawyer ...FILE that separation and apply for CS..you have to protect your children!

Why thank you!! I have been asked that many times. I don't think I would be a good one though, I don't have the time.

I do however, get great satisfaction helping others go down this path. I am so deeply proud to see people moving forward, and healing. It's like I want to scream I TOLD YOU SO!!

So thanks for the kudos!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by loriharris:
<strong> Need some advice...My H does not consider us seperated. He comes home once a day ..calls..supports us financially but does not sleep at home.

WE have 4 children. Two of whom we adopted . They have some medical problems, and I resigned from work almost a year a go to go back to school with the support of my H.

Now that the OC is born and is most likely 99% his....he has lots of medical problems. Will we be responsible for all his medical bills. Mother is on welfare and recieves medi-cal.

How do I protect our Ins. from "topping" if this child gets added on. Our little ones have to have insurance for there medical needs. Also ,
will we be responsible since he has not paided anything?? She has not requested but I don't want to be blindsided.

I also don't want us to be left out in the cold as I am unemployed and my H is the only one working. Will the courts take this into consideration...and will H have to file him on our taxes?

Also if I file for legal seperation for me and the kids sake..I'm afraid my H will take this as I'm giving up ..plus this is not want I want. I'm not sure of the legalitilies of it all. I also don't want it to be an excuse "well were were seperated either"?

any advice welcome!

Lori </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Lori,

I have been reading your posts. Just from my perspective there does seem to be some forward progress in your M. Your is staying at the house overnight on occasion.... that is new since the last time I visited. It is also a positive!!!

As far as the Sep Agr. I would ask him for input. Let him know you have some concerns about insurance $$ and the reasons why. Tell him you value his input and need his advice. Then drop the issue until he brings it up.If he is willing to discuss right then and there. Go for it. If he hesitates at all let him ponder his thoughts for a day or two.

Most guys want to fix things and they want to feel "involved" in major decisions regarding the family. The evolution of our survival instinct. We now feel that we need to be involved in major $$ decisions because that is the way that we provide. Eons ago, we hunted and gathered, today we work and get payed. Same end result, food on the table.

By presenting your H with a problem and asking for input, you are showing him that he is needed, you value his opinion and you are including him in family decisions. All pluses from where I stand. If his opinions align with yours, great. If they are skewed, simply negotiate a reasonable alternative.

You have some valid concerns, and legal advice is the only way to be sure but before suggesting the SEp. Agr. make sure that you have his buy-in on the idea.

There should be way more emphasis on how you say it, than what you say.

Hang in there, be patient, and let time uncover the path to follow.

God bless Lori. You are showing way more courage than many others in your situation would. I for one am proud of what you are doing.

Steve

I had a lawyer tell us that we should have filed legal seperation and file for CS for our 4 kids.
That that would have established us as his "first family" and lowered what amount OC would be entitled to.
Know if we ever do get divorced we will be the 2nd family and get what ever is left.
To bad my H didnt do this before. He didnt have a lawyer and was doing things for himself.

I would think about doing it just to protect yourself. I wish I would have had that advice before this mess.

Thanks to everyone for the input. I believe with what I have read and knowing my H. I will pose my concerns regarding the CS for the OC and the medical insurance to my H first. Give him time to think about it.

I think I should also let him know that maybe we should get a lawyer's opinion . One that knows CA law and the welfare system.

I really am trying to keep a level head during this time. my emotions can get away with me but if I look at things realistically most of the time I do a pretty good job.

Thankgoodness I've kept some of my managerial skills....managing for children and going to school has been tough.

If anyone else has more advice please post as every bit helps!
thanks again,

LoriH