Well ladies, just another little message of hope to you all...
H is at this moment at CS determination hearing w/xOW.
I don't feel nervous. I don't feel anxious. I did not want to go w/him. I do not care that he is there with "her" and not "me". I don't want to cry or feel sad.
Last hearing he had some months ago, I sat here at work sick to my stomach till the hearing was thru.. I held back tears all day. I hid it so well at work but boy was my stomach twisted in knots.
I met H afterwards for lunch that day- and it was the first time I was able to offer my assistance w/his woes... I was able to reach across the table and offer him my support in whatever may come. It was very, very hard to not make it about "me" in any way. It was my first stab at sucking a little bit of anger, pride and fear up, and just being strong when I did NOT feel it inside...
But today, no matter WHAT happens at court, I can deal with it. Today I feel at peace and this is one more small victory for our marriage! I am able to sit here at work and feel calm and feel as if it is any other day of the year! I am not worried about "what if's" .. I did not feel any need whatsoever to even be there- I declined as in this case, I feel ignorance is bliss (as to what OW looks like..if she brought oc, ect...).
My H and I cuddled in bed this morning, laughed, I helped him organize his papers, made him coffee... and it all came natural.
I do hope and pray, though, that H doesn't get put thru the ringer somehow. There are no attorneys involved, as we did not really need one while H has limited income due to a work related surgery he just had- not receiving much $$ so it was a good time for this hearing.
I never would imagine I could feel this way or be this calm and rational... so again, girls, there is hope and peace that comes bit by bit with time.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ October 20, 2004, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>