I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone.

I have 4 children. Two biological, two whom are not. But, All mine the same.

I found out my sister-in-law is having twins. This will be 4. The first by one father, my mother-in -law has raised. The second she just regained custody of. (At first he was to live with us, but i made it clear I would not return him, I would raise him as our own). Of coarse my mother-in -law raised his first year of life. Now she's having twins. Just off drugs a year now! I didn't even know she had a boyfriend..still don't?

Then, my H has a new born son born August. At least 99% sure. Unmarried, born to a women whom had an slept with another man's wife. Knowing of his situation and....

Why does GOD bless these people with such beautiful gifts. I had 4 miscarriages before we decided to adopt! I did everything right..and still I just don't understand it.

Why is it I feel so bad...... That my H has a new child and I don't ...or that my sister-in-law is having babies and I can't. I feel as though I'm less of a women because of this...even though I know I probably couldn't handle anymore....and my H didn't/doesn't want anymore.

Does anyone else feel this kind of pain?? Is it because OW gave H something I could not again?

I feel soooooo bad and angry about this?

Sorry just had to let it out!

Lori

Lori

I am sorry you are feeling bad..right now. Try and not beat yourself up...

Don't compare yourself to them... these are very selfish people that you are surrounded by. You are a decent human being.

You should be patting yourslef on the back. You are still keeping things together. You are taking care four precious angels. And thats a lot of work.

You have great challenge ahead of you. You have to raise four young ones..to grow up and be a decent and caring adults. This an opportunity to raise your children to do better than their father. This can be an experience..something want to teach your children..to value their own lives not to follow in these peoples foot steps.

Hold your head up...

And like LynnG said...get all that fustration out... start walking...
Just try it...just even 30 mins..it does wonders..clears your head. Makes you stay focus...

You can rise above this.... just focus..I want whats better for my children becuase they deserve better than this.

wiz

Don't be jealous of these preggos. You did the right thing by adopting.

Be angry at your H for cheating on you. And your drug addicted sister will now have to get a job to support the twins. She will not have an easy life.

But protect yourself by talking to a lawyer about the other womans child. Your kids need all the support from the father, NOT that other woman. Your kids should come FIRST.

lori,
I just want to say yes, I understand your pain.

I too lost 4 pregnancies, 2 living kids, and adopted a child. It's very frustrating that so many children are brought up in hard cicumstances like you describe, while some great homes experience infertility.

And it's so painful to have a spouse cheat and make babies elsewhere when it was such a loss within the marriage already.

Take really good care of yourself right now. Your feelings are raw and overwhelming, I bet. It's great to take time to exercise, get counseling, cry big rivers in private (where you won't scare the kids), smash old dishes or fruit or shred paper, journal, take bubblebaths, meditate/pray... take care of yourSELF!! This is the same grief process as losing a child, so you know what I mean.

Hugs,
J

Lori, I can even understand your pain. I use to say those same words. Everyone around me was getting pregnant planned or not. It use to hurt me so bad that I could not get pregnant (and hold it) as a normal woman could. IT was just a nataral thing to happen that I could not do. Hopefully your sil will stay clean and learn how to be a great mom. God gives us children to borrow and while we have them we have to love them and nurture them into responsible people. I hope you feel better soon. I remember those feelings all to well. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Lori:

I understand your pain, anger and frustration. My WH and I didn't have any children together because we had enough to handle with our combined kids (1 mine and 2 his) all three we raised in our house. Now WH has OC with OW (who didn't have any business having another child - she doesn't take care of the 11 year old she has) and here I am at 46 (and kids are grown and out of house) having weird thoughts of considering trying to have one of our own. Now mind you those feelings come and go, but it's like this deep pit in the stomach. It's ok to feel. Let yourself feel it and put something positive in your head. I'm really sorry that we wonderful BS have to have these horrible feelings and thoughts. It just doesn't seem right does it?

Thankyou to all whom responded. I still can't shake this feeling but I did have a real good cry yesterday.

My H and I were to spend some time alone together, and well I just cryed. I told him how I felt and I also told him as brave as I thought I was, I didn't think I wanted anything to do with his OC or have my children have anything to do with OC.

He just held me and listened. I'm not sure I even meant it , my feelings keep going back and forth.

I had my tubes banded after our second adoption just in case. After I found out about A in Aug. I miscarried in Sept. Didn't even know that could happen. I know I can't carry anymore but sometimes I wonder if we were expecting that our marriage would be stonger.

anyhow I do appreciate all your comments.

Thanks again
Lori