Ok lets do a helpful thread. What are some of the legal things you have learned that others may need to remember. And legal things that you wished you knew!

1) Find a good attorney for yourself!
2) Check every resource there is on visitations, custody.
3) Dont say anything PUBLIC that might be held against you.
4) Remember, you do have rights whatever you decide for your family.

Ok that starts it!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

i emailed you!

Keep your receipts!!

Document everything!!

Not legal, but may need one day.

Make a journal!

Make a POJA. For new ones READ THIS! Make one.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

If the other party records any material on your answering machine SAVE IT. It can be used in COURT because they recorded it - IT IS ADMISSABLE!

It is inadmissable if the party does not know that they are being recorded!!

JT

sunnydale,

This may be kind of difficult but I think we have to keep in mind we have numerous different situations here. While giving advice, we have to remember (trying not to leave anyone feeling neglected or left out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) we have BS's (usually the H having an OC with the OW) and FWS's posting here (usually FWW having had a OC with the OM) I guess the legal aspects may slightly differ for the given situation?? And would contact or no contact legalities be different? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ok nerly... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Legal points of interest for FWW or BH:
1) Oc will be considered product of marraige & BH will automatically be financially responsible as "daddy" unless proven otherwise
2) paternity burden of proof will be on OM

If there is an OC...GET A DNA TEST DONE IMMEDIATLY

Lori

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 3) Dont say anything PUBLIC that might be held against you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You really need to pay attention to what you write. You may not think it is anything bad, but you never know who may take it out of context

Document, document, document! Send a letter via certified mail, when appropriate, reiterating what was discussed. It doesn't have to be combative or abrasive, just a simple "Dear So and So, Per our conversation of 01/01/01....."

This may not be for everyone, but it is a useful tool.

OB1

As for legal, that will help no matter WHICH side of this multi-sided coin you are on;

Research the state guidelines, and if you are in two different states, research BOTH states! Know what you are up against, and what it will take to acheive what is best for EVERYONE!

In our case, the xom had threatened H's life!!!! In front of witnesses too!!!! So, when we found out that I was P, we looked into as much as we could, and found that in the state we lived in at the time, I didn't HAVE to tell the xom of P, and that H was presumed the father UNLESS HE contested it. It also stated that if the "real" father didn't file any paternity suit or anything like that w/in 90 days(before or after "due date") then there was NOTHING said father could do, as it's known that sex leads to P! That is as long as the H doesn't contest paternity! So, that is why we did what we did, and it was all done legally too.

So, find out as much as possible, if possible, BEFORE the OC is born!

Not sure if this was helpful, but I hope it was.

Tigger

****edited to add that the above paragraph doesn't site EVERYTHING that we found and based our decision on, like if my H had any rights with the presumed paternity, as he was accepting Abbi as his anyway. Make sure you read EVERYTHING, not just what you want to see!!!!****

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 09:28 AM: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]</small>

Tigger very good point. In my state the legal husband is presumed the father if married at time of conception. We were seperated and had been, but we had to go to court before the baby was born (for our case even though not divorcing) and tell the judge we both agreed it was not his child to avoid xmm trying to use that to avoid paying cs or having stbxh have to do a DNA test too. When xmm found out that law about conception he was going to prolong using that but it backfired. I was not going to put my husband through that as it was not his responsiblity at all. It was not fair. Stbxh was scared to death about the courts inforcing him with the baby and I had to ease him mind and having to pay for her. So I had my attorney take it to court to ease his mind.

also know what the other is doing. make sure the visitation is agreed upon by H and W. In my situation I would drop oc off to mom, H would pick child back up same day. This could be used against us in court if it went there because it looks as though H and I were not in agreement. And at times we werent. So always do things as a team. Make it look like your united and not divided. And if your not sure exactly how things are going to be handled and if your still not in agreeance its probably best just to slow down do nothing, and work out all the holes.

Do not have any contact what so ever with the ow. NONE. NADA. ZILCH. Have all go through the attorneys PERIOD. That way you can't get in trouble.

Do NOT give ow so much as a dime until DNA is established. PERIOD. Or it will be seen as a gift.

Educate yourself on every detail that you could possibly face, read, read, read. Then make arrangements to address those issues. Example:
Do you want contact with oc? Then go after it. If the child is your husbands, and he wants to spend time with oc, and you agree, go for it LEGALLY. He has just as much right to see and hold and have that child at his home as ow does. 50% is 50%.

If you don't want contact, stipulate that legally. Have in writing, no phone calls, no photos to be sent, no contacting or speaking with the children of the marriage, no contacting grandparents, etc. CLEARLY state this. Have it stated that should ow try to contact, she will be charged with harrassment and will be paying any and all legal fees that you raise due to her actions.

Also get good tax advice. Find out about retirement accounts, etc. and how they will affect child support. Learn how to protect your assets.

Think about your will. What will oc get should in the event of death? Do not leave yourself open to oc getting and equal share of the estate if that is not your wishes.

Think about college funds. Can you have divert income through relatives for your childrens college funds? That way, you can't be asked/forced to do so for the oc.

Ask about virtualy any/everything that can possibly come up and get it hammered out early. As long as everyone knows where they stand everyone can move on with their lives.

Don't believe OW if she says she doesn't want/need anything or money. Our case is different because OW lives in Germany. But the German courts paid support to her, and then later came after US to pay them back for supporting her!