As some of you may know I filed fo CS last year but half way through the case ran out of money to pay the atty and could no longer continue. Because the case was filed 1000 miles away from where I live I could not attend court and the case proceeded without me. Well CS was awarded a few months ago and at that point I thought it was over except another court date was set...for last week. Now as strange as this sounds, I never know what happens in court cause I'm not there and have no lawyer. I get my info from an on-line docket listing. So today I checked and there is an order for arreages amount to be determined. Does anyone know what this means? Would I have not have to have requested arrears for it to be ordered? I never did that. Could there be some other explanation? The court house will not give me the info unless I pay them for it.

I don't want to offend anyone by posting this here but honestly ya'll know a lot more about this stuff than anyone else I know.

I don't think it's a stupid question @ all.

If you were not filing for arrears--------it could mean arrears from the date of filing------for example: let's say you filed Sept 1, but your hearing was not until Oct. 1, the 'arrears' would be from Sept1, to the judgement date. kwim?

That's my understanding from my experience & what you are saying-------of course I am not a lawyer & hopefully someone else will post to clarify.

I guess I understand but the thing is, I am not getting any money from him at all. The CS order was to be able to live in his property for a reduced rental amount. All done without me being able to request anything. Since he isn't paying me actual money how can there be arrears? And if there are it would be from the filing date right? That was Oct. 2003. And since I see no future trial date how can the amount be left at "to be determined".

This is never going to end is it?

This is never going to end is it?

hmmmmmmmmm? Unfortuneately, I think we BOTH know the answer to that don't we? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ( @ least not for a minimum of 18-21 years.....we're ALL counting down right?)

@ least you live a country away & get to enjoy your child. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Maybe it is considered arrears-----such as if you would have to pay for the property from past months? Or if you were paying rent & if it would be refunded to you for past months?

WoW! That is confusing. ?????

Hope someone else can explain it or you can find your answer somewhere.

I guess I wasn't much help hanh? sorry.

moral of this story is I should never have checked the site. Why do I torment myself?

Yes I do get to enjoy my child...and she is so cute!! Started walking a few weeks ago. she is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Definitely got the best of both of us. Ya know, I never thought I'd say this but I like the NC...selfish of me I know, but I don't want to share her. I can't imagine having to give up one second of time with her. He can stay in that other country. Another thing I never thought I'd feel...I don't wish him happiness but I do wish it on his wife. Some days I hope that she'll dump him on the street meet someone else be blissfully happy and he will be alone and miserable. He doesn't deserve her or his daughter. Not very charitable of me is it?

I read something the other day...written from the perspective of the BW but I think it fits all of us. "I had to forgive him in order to forgive myself". I guess I'm not quite there yet.

not quite there yet? LOL me neither.

I still got stuff I'm 'harboring' against OW ...... she was pretty nasty to me & my kids (apart from the 'nasty' she did w/ my H! lol)But I will forgive her eventually. (I'm sure there are some 'reflections' I don't want to see there) It just takes time.

I can't say I am 'grateful' for OW being on this board or the fact that TOW exists but I DO see the posters as individuals not just their 'label'. And I have tried to look @ my OW as a 'mom' not just OW-----until she reminds me.

kwim? I hope you understand what I am trying to say. you know what?.....I think this thread is taking a direction you did not intend & I'm not sure if I am making myself clear. soooo......

I hope someone else can help you better.

sincerely,
kt

<small>[ October 26, 2004, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

Ktbunch:

LOL, do you feel better now? Twiight is not your OW is she? Talk about displaced anger !!!!!

Lemonman....my misplaced anger? I honestly don't think my anger is misplaced...it is directed at myself and my baby's father. Sorry if what I said was offensive.

KT...I'm always off topic these days! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You make sense to me at any rate.

I was gonna edit my post becuase it was obviously misunderstood-but I decided against it.

I was NOT trying to place anger on anyone. I wasn't even angry when I wrote it.

Twilight----SORRY if you get that impression when you read it. I was trying to relate to forgiveness taking TIME & not being 'there' yet. I was in no way implying whatever lemon is insinuating.

I was LOLing because that is what I can do now-----laugh about it-----I can actually LAUGH about it---maybe that is sacreligious or something but I am keeping my wits about me.

TWILIGHT-----I hope you did not misunderstand me becuase this was in NO way anything directed towards you.

I was only relating to forgiveness of ourselves taking time like forgiving the other person involved. AND when I said there was some reflections there that I probably didn't want to see-----I meant reflections of me in OW----or OW in me-----.

So lemon----I don't know what you are trying to imply-----but I think you just misunderstood. I am waaaaaaay past the 'displaced anger stage'.

ergghhh!!!!!!

TWILIGHT------I think lemon man was referring to me-----I saw your response after I posted mine---------

ANYHOO-----I think WE understand each other perfectly! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm glad you understood! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

sincerely,
kt

LOL (even if it is sacreligious) yes, I think we do understand each other. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sigh, me and my big bad cold are going to bed before I confuse anyone else.

My apologies for "misunderstanding", perhaps I should have just kept my big mouth shut here. Sorry for budding in here folks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

apology accepted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Glad I didn't get snippy & tell you to buttinsky your way outta here before you had a chance to apologize. lol

no harm, no foul
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
kt

And I understood both of you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Now that's scary!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

twilight,

Don't you have some kind of legal aid available based on income or ability to pay where you live? Or could you contact someone out here in his home state just for advice? Usually they'll give you a half an hour consultation free...