For those who have successfully done CS/C without going to court, how has it worked out? xOW sent H a letter requesting they not go to court but work out CS/C together. She seems to be coming around to being reasonable and not so angry but I am leary of her. She does not want us to have V away from her until OC is 18 months old, however I don't know if she understands that H cannot visit OC without me. H knows that I do not trust her motives and am not willing to accept him visting w/o me. Would a letter back from both of us be appropriate? Is this a time to do POJA? Any suggestions? Thank you.

K

KM, I will tell you that we drew up papers and then she drew up papers and now we are waiting for hers to come. One attorney so far. I hope she will be keeping her word on what was changed on our papers, if so this should go smooth. I can tell you A is only 8 weeks old and we have had him three times w/o her and 1 that included her coming to my home. She has her reservations on over nights right now, but so do I. But we stressed that in the first year the child developes their attachments and us having rights as his family didn't want to miss his first year. In most cases of D the man is alone and really doesn't have the means to care for such a small child. (This is the way the courts look at it most of the time, not right, but still the truth) (Sorry Guys! ) But your H has you and therefore is not alone and he has support and help. If you wheren't good parents, you wouldn't have yours! Check with the laws in your state, see if they have a parenting plan, print it use it. You have a right to see this child no matter what age. Work into the overnight, but your visitations DO NOT have to be w/ her W/O you! DONT start this. Do your POJA, get the plan for what is best for your family to have a relationship with this child. Dont ask for anything you wouldn't do yourself, keeps it easy. And there has to be give and take on both sides. If an agreement can't be reached w/ you giveing her what your family sees fair and she giving you hers, then just dont try it and get your own attorney. If both parties agree, type it up and take it to the court, pay the court cost and file it. Neither really need an attorney, but its not advised to do it that way, but if you are getting along and agree then you can. Good luck! P/S look at lonely315 post and read what I put there and consider that too. I'm here for you, and will help in anyway I can.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

If she is willing to work somthing out without the court it is better, because the court might not be as fair. I think that you and your H should now take the time to sit down and agree on some things what is good for the both of you. I know that my H and I with ow tried to sit down and make an agreement. We agreed to visitation whenever we wanted it, and would pay her $300 per month. The only problem with that was she does not work and felt she could get more by going to court. Well the visitation always have went well, but the money part ended up going to court. And yes he pays way more than 300. I think everyone envolved has to be understanding and fair to eachother and if this is possible then keeping things out of the hands of the court is better. Just keep your guard up and make sure that your envolved in everything pertaining to oc. I have always told my H that we have to been in this together in order for it to work. No more secrets, everything must be out in the open.

It is a good idea to get this written up and signed whatever you agree on. However find out what your laws are because I had a friend in a similar situation, om agreed on an amount but when it went to court the judge felt it insufficient and increased it based off his income. So just be careful things dont always work as planned. I wish you luck. Make sure there is an alternative if the first plan doesn't work. As far as an attorney depending on the ow's income they don't always help when it comes to fair cs. Each case is different though. Try to work as many things out without between you guys without going to court.

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: notdoneinyet ]</small>

K,

Well, I would say that the OW's wanting to keep this out of court could be either good or bad. I would at least want to go through a mediator, and have the "agreement" to be recorded with the courts. That way, if the OW goes back on her "word" with what is agreed upon, you have at least something to back up making sure your H gets the time with the OC that's agreed upon, and the CS doesn't end up spiking up for no apparent reason! You definately need to POJA EVERYTHING when it comes to ANY type of contact with the OW! Find out about mediation, THEN respond to her letter, together. Show her that you are a united "front" when it comes to doing what's best for your M, and that includes YOU being there with visits with the OC. THAT'S why it should at least be done with the mediator, if not go to court.

I hope that I've helped.

Tigger