This might start a fight but I don't understand what some OW think when they get pregnant and the MM isn't all happy about it, like its a surprise to them? IF you had this loving, trusting, caring, mature relationship with your MM and he trusts and believes the OW is being responsible for BC or she says she can't get pregnant and then BAM! What kind of reaction did the OW think she would get? I don't expect a woman (or man either) to not love her child and there are many many joys of being a Mom even under the worst circumstances. But I would like an honest reaction to how they would feel about being FORCED to pay for 18+ years for a car or house or whatever that they never wanted, didn't plan for and had no say in making the decision about buying the item. And I love how MM are all ***Dads, horrible, dishonest men but they weren't so bad when they were ******* you????? As long as the OW got what she wanted, the MM were great but if/when they pull their heads out of their *** and realize the consequences of his actions and tries to make it right, well then he is a big *****

Ok sorry for the vent! First: My xOW found out that we went on a vacation to DisneyWorld and now she wants an increase in support?? By golly if we can afford a vacation then we're not paying her sorry **** enough money because she can't afford to go on vacation. WE worked hard to save every penny for that trip, made scarifies in time with the kids, with each other and our lifestyle so we could give our kids this AWESOME vacation. Its like the minute something good happens, she has to **** on it! Oh and of course this just makes me mad at H again too. I thought I was beyond that but I guess not. Second: I felt the need to torture myself today and went reading on the "other" boards, which I know better than to do. It just makes me realize how lucky I am that H wanted NC and we can keep the OW antics to a minimum. I just love how they swear they want the MM to be apart of the child's life but then place all kinds of stupid restrictions and rules on them and of course the W can't even look at the OC because we hate and want to kill the OC who had nothing to do with the situation they were born into! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> One MM actually wanted his child for Halloween, Oh my god, how dare a Dad want to spend Halloween with his child???!!!!??? They threw him under a bus for that!!!

Ok I guess the fighting can begin now! Bring it on! I'm in the mood to give a good*****kicking today!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 07:59 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

No fight from me. You go girl. I totally agree with all you said.

On a side note. Unless finances change by a certain %, the Court won't consider a change in child support. That goes both ways. If OW starts earning more money you can file for a modification but it usually has to be a certain % that way your are not going back to Court for every time someone ears another dollar.

She can't ask for more cs just because you went on vacation. Let her try and see what happens. Depending on her state she can only ask for an increase every 3 years and it has to be a big increase in his salary for her to get it. NO it's not right that she is doing this. I know what you mean about sacraficing time with your kids to do something nice for them and Disney world is not cheep and one of kids most fav places to go.........and adults <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> How did she find out you even went? Why should she care? I'm sorry your fun turned into this.

This is coming from an Bw/Xmw, I agree with your post 100%

I hope H Xow is reading this!!!!! She always *****ed and moaned how she wanted H to be a father to Oc. But whenever he stepped up to do just that she slapped those restrictions on him. Then pulled visits. Just this past year Xow was pissed at her H so she draggs Oc over to our house, shows up unannounced to tell Oc "this is your REAL daddy" Has Oc call H for fathers day then not even a week later pulls visits and wants H to sign off on his rights (yet again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) Now that she has lost her children to the state and H tried to be an actual father to his son, she did what she could to stop that. Would you believe this so called woman would rather have her son in foster care than in a loving home with his family??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ October 28, 2004, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: Crazymum ]</small>

I'd say what you're feeling is very normal and natural.

I can only speak to my own situation, which is strange to begin with, but here's how I look at my child...
I'm not really a big fan of abortion, but I can honestly say that if I'd really thought my child was "that man's", yes, I would have run to the nearest clinic like a madwoman.
But I was happily involved with a man before the assault, and assumed the baby was his, and we were very happy.
That turned out to be a GODSEND, because my child is a true light in this world, and the greatest gift I've ever experienced. Had I known the truth way back then, I never would have had the blessing of knowing this little wonder.
SO, out of the worst things can sometimes come great gifts...

Even in your intense pain, there may be a gift in there somewhere....

Oh, and BTW, I'm so with you on the vacation thing...I had a situation when I was married that really burned my biscuits re: his ex getting MY tax return in support....

Gwenie--ughhhhhh!!! Did you have fun on your vacation? Is it really all it's cracked up to be? I livein Ca, just 15 minutes from 'the happiest place on Earth'..but I'm wondering if it would ever be worth it to go to the big one in FL?
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Don't let 'her' get to you & do exactly what she's doing--getting to you & taking away all the fun memories you just made w/ your family!!!

and yah..how did she find out? Do you have a spy in your famly or is H talking to her?

ANd again--yah bad choice to read on TOW----especially if you are already upset.

It's no one's business what you do w/ your $$$$$. Let her ask for more as much as she wants----when the courts see that there have been no significant increases in income & deny her request---MAKE her pay your legal fees as well for frivolously dragging you back into court. That would be fair wouldn't it?

Hey just like it's not my business what OW does w/ her income, food stamps, rental assistance, free childcare, part-time job income--oh & CS. She can do whatever she wants w/ it because it is HER business. i don't even think about it anymore---oh maybe that is because we are now in NC. So I don't have to even bother w/ her anymore--YAH-it's a good feeling--I know what you mean.
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So tell me more about that vacation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Did you stay in a resort hotel, condo, tent?
Did you & H make time for yourselves as well?
Do you feel like it was an opportunity to re-connect?
Did you get in some good hotel SF?
Were the kids blissfully worn out each night?
How long were you there?
Did you go on the Tower of Terror? Was it scary?
They say the adrenaline rush of a roller coaster is a natural aphrodisiac! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Fill me in girl! I really wanna know! LOL


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
ooo
xxx
kt

oops

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

*******edited********

Questions? Contact me

JustUss2@aol.com

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Gwenie,

One of the dynamics that occurs during all this "jazz" is that these kind of machinations keep the marriage focussed on the OW/OC instead of allowing you to heal, move forward, enjoy your children, enjoy your vacations...and focus on your MARRIAGE and family. It keeps conflict alive. That's the goal...it's a way to inject conflict and anger back into your world so that you aren't happy or at peace. The same dynamic sometimes happens on this board with the TOW/BW exchanges....which is why I'd like to see more concepts talked about here.

The best defense....is a strong marriage. When something like this happens...it's maddening and so easy to let it "get" to you...make you angry...spoil your happiness. When it does...it has been successful. Take back that power. Do your best to anticipate and expect these reactions. Plan for them. Talk about them. Decide ahead of time how you'll deal with them.

For instance....vacation plans or any other large expenditures...how did she find out about them? What could you do to prevent that? How can you create more privacy for your family? If there's no way to keep these things private...how can you best deal with the fact that she is likely to find out and react to that?

Oh...and just a reminder about TOS...I understand your anger, but you might consider editting a little more.

hugs

Drawstring, For someone who only JUST TODAY, A FEW MINUTES AGO, registered here on MB's, you certainly have come off as all knowing and judgemental. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> You haven't even posted your details yet. And do you have issues with A MARRIAGE YOU ARE WORKING ON REBUILDING?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
<strong> Oh...and just a reminder about TOS...I understand your anger, but you might consider editting a little more.

hugs </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What the HECK is TOS?

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I think DRAWSTRING is a TROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Until it is proven otherwise..lets just ignore that piece of string.

TOS is "terms of service". We all agree to certain things when we register to post...including things like copywrited material, slander, obscenity...stuff like that. The board picks up anything automatically that is spelled properly...but it misses stuff that's disguised. The mods pick that up later.

****edited******

Questions? Email me...

JustUss2@aol.com

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

lemonman,

Yes, Gwenie's husband made a mistake...and it sounds as though he is meeting his responsibilities for CS. How does that make him responsible for the fact that this OW decided to make him "pay" for taking his other children to Disneyland?

**********edited***********

JustUss2@aol.com

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
<strong> lemonman,

Yes, Gwenie's husband made a mistake...and it sounds as though he is meeting his responsibilities for CS. How does that make him responsible for the fact that this OW decided to make him "pay" for taking his other children to Disneyland? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Starfish:

No where did I say that the OW has a right to make them pay more for CS becasue of the disney trip. My point is more of a general point. Her WH did make a mistake, and one that he will have to pay for for at least 18 years and this includes meddling and unreasonable requests by the OW. That is my point. For this fact alone, she can thank her WH for. I mean no disrespect here and am just offering up a different opinion on this situation. I am a BS and don't have any experiece with situations of OC etc.. so maybe I am less biased with an opinion. ANywyas, just my .02 (for what that is worth).


*****This is a SUPPORT forum lemonman!!!!******

JustUss

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 06:34 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

LEMONMAN-----can you just back off here?

The problem IS-that BS have no CHOICE in the fact AFTER the matter. A BW is NOT responsible for OW crazy or catty behavior. duh.

If your logic is true then a BW could control the OW to disappear. duh

We can't control anyone......point proven by our existance on this board.

But that does not mean that a BS who FORGIVES their spouse & chooses to keep their marriage together deserves or chooses to be HARRASSED because the OW/OM did not get their way.

I will respectfully stop from posting on this thread. Good luck with your trials and tribulations.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Gwenieinabottle:
<strong>
1. I don't understand what some OW think when they get pregnant and the MM isn't all happy about it, like its a surprise to them?

2. What kind of reaction did the OW think she would get?

3. But I would like an honest reaction to how they would feel about being FORCED to pay for 18+ years for a car or house or whatever that they never wanted, didn't plan for and had no say in making the decision about buying the item.

4. And I love how MM are all ***Dads, horrible, dishonest men but they weren't so bad when they were ******* you?????

5. As long as the OW got what she wanted, the MM were great but if/when they pull their heads out of their *** and realize the consequences of his actions and tries to make it right, well then he is a big *******

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. Not all MM are unhappy when they discover the pregnancy. (Surprise to me)

2. I thought he was going to kill me. I actually asked him to be "humane" if he does kill me.

3. I would be unhappy to pay for something I didn't want. MM in my case wanted this child.

4. Nope, he wasn't- Because at that point in time, he had done nothing to upset me. He was great back then.

5. He's not a ***** for doing what's best for him. It turns out that what is best for him is also what is best for me and my child. It worked out well for us, it's our child that things didn't work out "optimum" for.


*******edit******

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

cheerfullittleonew/motherfullofhate...


WE dont need to know your side in this particular fashion.. WE do not need to know he was GREAT back then when he was sleeping w/you and cheating on his wife.

Your numbered rebuttals here do not belong on this site.

The pain of infidelity has been described by most professionals as being compared to that of a death, and many who have experienced both actually agree.

What you represent here, by choice, is to rub salt in the wounds of hurting and decent people suffering and trying to find their way out of such pain.

It is inhumane that someone would feel the need to do that. Some day, I hope you will have enough peace or even decency in your life, to see this.