For those of you who aren't familiar with my story, I'll briefly re-cap.

My husband had an affair with a pyschotic woman who tried to claim that she got pregnant by him, had an abortion, wanted money, and then claimed the abortion was never performed. No...we never gave her any money.

She kept harassing us until we finally took all of her crazy emails and threats to a lawyer and got a restraining order against her.

You'd think that would be the end of it, right?

No.......

So, she updates her Yahoo profile constantly, the one that my husband used to chat with her on. This is her way of getting around the restraining order, but she's not actually breaking the law.

I'll cut and paste what she wrote tonight.

More About Me
Hobbies: A little update. We took the kids to Arkansas and Texas. They were able to see little Bill. He is doing better then expected. We hope to see him again real soon !!!!!!
Latest News: just a little FYI we screwed on your freezer and in YOUR computer chair. So I guess you need to get rid of them. Also his truck.

Nice, huh?

This baby doesn't exist, and the rest of her comments were just an attempt to make my husband and I get into an argument. It didn't work.

So, we called the police to see if this violated the restraining order and was told no since she didn't actually name my husband's name. It's a public profile, so it could be directed at anyone. However, we did file a report just so that it was on record.

She goes just so far, without doing anything illegal. I believe that she's getting close to "losing it" and may step over the line soon. When she does, we'll have our lawyer ready.

You would think that she'd understand that "It's over" after 7 months, but apparently not.

And yes, I've been seeing a therapist to help me heal from all the mental damage this woman has caused me. Slowly, but surely, I'll be normal again. I hope?

I know you'll ask why I keep looking at these updates of hers. My therapist told me it's a defensive reaction since I have this need to know what she's up to and be prepared. I'm working on not allowing myself to even care what the OW says. Easier said than done, I guess?

Sorry for posting this, I guess I needed an ear or a 2 x 4. Take your pick.

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: Arabesque ]</small>

Therapist may be right,
If I were in your shoes, I'd also want to know exactly what OW was doing, just so I could be prepared to lay the smackdown if need be.

The thing about crazy people, you never know what they are capable of. Stay safe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

She sounds like as you said.....Physco...really. Your the one that she said had a baby who is your husbands, but has not asked for DNA test? Sometimes I get confussed. With time you'll stop reading it. Good that you reported it anyway just in case. How stupid of this person. I don't get it.

Arabesque,
Here I am... You have used my ear, now its time for a soft 2x4.

Let me ask you... Are you CERTAIN those messages at the end are aimed at you and your H? Or could they be aimed at her new victim and his W?

Sounds to me that she has a new victim and his W recently has had her Dday.

I hope you have decided to stop reading her profile. I don't believe it is helping you in your recovery at all.

I will say as I have said before.
Let go of her and Let God deal with her.

Stacia

Arabesque,

I understand why you still look at the profile and agree with your counselor on it... you want to know where FOW is at every minute. If she moves on, you'll move on.

Eventually, though, you'll be able to move on whether she moves on or not. She could be stuck in her sick little world forever and it won't affect you after a time. How long a time? I can't say for sure. It may be months, or years. But I know one day when you have no "need" to protect yourself from her, you won't read her stupid little notes.

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's normal. She wants you to question your present happiness and be fearful. And in a way, right now she is getting what she wants -- your attention. But it won't last. Be confident in that.

~ Snow

P.S. Why would anybody do it on a freezer? I had to laugh at that one!

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 08:06 AM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Arabesque:
<strong>

I know you'll ask why I keep looking at these updates of hers. My therapist told me it's a defensive reaction since I have this need to know what she's up to and be prepared. I'm working on not allowing myself to even care what the OW says. Easier said than done, I guess?

Sorry for posting this, I guess I needed an ear or a 2 x 4. Take your pick. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so part of the process. I will tell you to take these as gifts she leaves you. Everytime OW went on a rant and/or posted something nasty I took them as gifts. Thank her for proving herself to you both over and over. Thank her for proving how sane YOU really are. It makes your life easier doesn't, in a sense? Shes insane! This only lets your husband know how the grass was putrid on the other side!

Hang in there you will shine in the end as always!!

Well, after I had posted this, I made the decision to remove the link to her profile and any other websites that I had for information, etc from my bookmarks. It felt pretty good. I actually "celebrated" by eating a bowl of the richest chocolate ice cream I could get my hands on.

The therapist said that my husband should delete his Yahoo account, even though he no longer uses it. She thinks that the OW checks to see if it still exists and that provides the outlet for her anger. So, he backed up all of the emails onto a disk and deleted it. I don't know if she'll get a message saying "This account no longer exists", but I hope it will.

She never really knew if we were reading these updates or not, she was just doing this to fulfill a need for revenge. If we cut off this way, she may find another, but this time it will probably involve violating the restraining order. We'll be ready when she does.

There was another wonderful BW on GQII who was being harrased by the psycho OW. Not normal issues, really crazy issues.

My friend and her H were in a pretty decent recovery. In some ways, having a crazy OW brings the couple closer together, united by a shared goal of getting rid of a pest.

I asked her to visualize the OW as a bee hive. And then, my MB friend would use her visualization to prepare precautions ... as one would if living near an angry bee hive.

Don't poke it with a stick.
Don't walk near it.
Don't yell at it.
Get a professional to have it removed.

Unfortunately, this particular bee hive found her way onto to MB boards... and my friend only communicates to me through email. But, she's fine with that, because she is safer and happier that way.

I remember posting to you Arabesque when the OW had claimed to have a DNA test done in utero in the first trimester in the Dr.'s office <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ... and I said... "naw, didn't happen" ... no Dr. would do a risky and expensive proceedure like that unless it was to save a life!

You've got an angry bee hive on your hands Arabesque. Take the necessary precautions.

Pep

Why are you letting this crazy person get the best of you?

Why did you file a police report if there is nothing they can do?

Is it possible that she really did have a baby and gave it up? I know you said that there is no baby but do you have any proof of that?

Here is a question for you. Did your H tell you everything about the A? I know that mine didn't even though she said she did !! I am still finding out things about the A even though we are now D. A WS never will tell everything.

Sorry to bring this up but is there a chance that your H is still seeing this person? I see that there were 2 D-DAYS what's to say that they aren't working together on hurting you.

Anything is possible. Sorry about bringing it up but I am sure that somewhere in your head it has crossed your mind.

Place it safe around both of them.

Take care and God bless.
My wife and I think about alot of you daily and what all of you are going through.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blessing:

I see that there were 2 D-DAYS what's to say that they aren't working together on hurting you.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm gonna let Arabesque answer the rest for herself... but I'd like to point out to you that the 2 D-days are 10 days apart. It is not a significant issue.

Pep

What a LUNATIC!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

EEK! Sorry you have to deal with that...

But I understand the profile reading. It's kind of like a train wreck.. You just can't "not look" even though you know you'll be disturbed by what you see...

Ok, to answer your questions, Blessing....

My husband is definitely not still in contact with the OW. She lied to him, tried to extort money from us, tried to get us both fired from our jobs (she used to work with us), had me falsely accused of a crime, stalked us, harassed us....etc.

We have a restraining order against her that was activated in early June. My husband wants nothing to do with her and if we could move to another planet, we'd do so.

The reason why I have listed 2 d-days in my signature is because he resumed talking to her after the affair was over. I guess this is common. He was having withdrawals and couldn't handle it. I put my foot down on the 2nd d-day and told him "make a choice, but think about what you're throwing away." He chose wisely.

Oops...edited to add the answer about the baby. She had told my husband that she had gotten pregnant, it was an ectopic pregnancy, so it had to be aborted. She wanted $5000 (half the cost, she claimed) to pay for this. When my husband didn't cough up the money in a timely manner, all of a sudden her story changed and she said that the abortion never happened. She sent him an email on April 1st (hint hint) that she was still pregnant. Baloney!!!!

We never really did find out if she was pregnant or not, but based on her lies and the report of a private investigator (she has done this before), we just assumed that she was not pregnant. My greatest fear was to have to pay this woman CS for 18 years, and be constantly reminded of the affair.

She claims that the baby was born 2 months premature (it was supposedly due Oct 10th), it came home from the hospital a month later, and now is somewhere in Texas???? She couldn't have let someone else adopt it, because the father would be required to take a paternity test in order to give consent. My husband was never ordered to do this. And being that she was sleeping with other men at the same time as she was seeing my husband, if she actually got pregnant, she'd have to have quite a few men ordered to take this test. "Take a number, you are next
I realize that you haven't had the chance to read my whole story so I figure I'd clarify some issues. Our recovery is going well, but it was very iffy in the beginning. The OW kept intruding upon our lives, but the restraining order took care of that, for the most part. My husband has been completely honest with me and will answer anything I ask. There are a few things that I'd like to ask, but decided that knowing the answers would do more harm than good. It's in the past, so I've decided to let them remain there.

When the OW first started her harassment, I was so hurt and didn't know what type of person she was, so I couldn't look at my situation from an objective point of view. My story sounded just like something you would watch on Lifetime television. In fact, I used to make jokes about it. Now, looking back, I am able to see things from another point of view and can't believe that I allowed this woman to control my life.

The people here have been so wonderful in helping me get my head out of my butt and see the OW's manipulations for what they were. If it weren't for them, I don't know where I'd be right now. I'm still not completely healed from it, but I'm working on it with the help of God and a therapist.

Thank you so much for praying for us, it's definitely helping. And thank you for your concern, especially in the other thread you responded to.

BTW - By my husband deleting his Yahoo account, the OW did get the message. She has cleared everything off of it. I hope that she's sitting in fear, wondering when the police are going to knock on HER door.

The best revenge is living well.

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: Arabesque ]</small>

oops, sorry double post.

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: Arabesque ]</small>