OK. Let me just say that I'm glad to have found this forum. I've been all over the internet and found this marriagebuilders sight helpful. My problem was I couldn't find anything that dealt with the OW being pregnant.

My story is that my husband and I have known eachother for 20+ years, have dated for 7 of those and been married for 6 years. We've had problems all along (lots of personal baggage), but especially in the last 2 years. After our ds and third child was born with serious life-threatening isuues. We both changed. Anyway we separated in 4/04 and I was under the impression we were working things out to improve our marriage and for him to move back in. Obviously, he was "confused". I found out in 9/04 that he had a 2 month affair (I was out of town for a month of it) and that he had ended it a few weeks before he found out she was pregnant. I believe him only because I could tell things were then "different". I wasn't surprised by the affair, because like I said, I knew "something was going on", but the baby threw me for a loop. She's keeping it and I don't know what the heckl this means for the rest of my life. After 3 weeks of me talking to a lawyer and planning for divorce, I started listening to my husband and slowly decided to "take him back". We have since "never been better". I think the finality of me actually proceeding with a divorce made him realize what was really important (and what was not). The affair is over and I don't believe he has any interest in her anymore, but how do we go on with this OW forever in our lives because of this OC. The baby's due in 5/05, so I hope I can get some experience, strength and hope from some of you while we're playing the waiting game. By the way, what do all of the abbreviations mean? I've figured out some, but...Hope I did this right and someone can point me in the right direction.

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 04:45 PM: Message edited by: colddayinJuly ]</small>

CDIJ, I am so sorry that you and your family are going though all of this. but the road God has for you I will tell you will make you ever more stronger! I would like you to look at and read some of the material here and you will get better informed of the abb.
Here is the welcome thread: Welcome to the forum

And also look up this one
Phases of recovery

There is a great bunch of people here and we will help you any way we can.

Welcome
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Cold,

Just wanted to say "welcome" and glad you found this board. I am very new to this as well. My H's OC is due sometime around the end of Feb/beg of March. I too am trying to focus on rebuilding our marriage before the arrival of OC. We still don't know if we will do C, but right now are in intense MC. Keep working on your M, as I have been advised you can worry about OC after your M is strong.

FF

The acronyms can be confusing. Here is a link to a thread that explains them.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=000557

I hope I did this right, never tried before

FF

Edited to delete the list of acronyms I posted--thanks FF!

But here, you probably won't find this one in the list:
KT/kt: ktbunch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You can usually figure them out by using the context clues too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
************
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Ok, sorry to welcome you here but you are in the right place! Yes, there is extremely limited info 'out there' for A (affairs)resulting in OC.

Personally I am totally against C. Tons of reasons & only my own experience. BUT the great thing about this forum is that you will find many on both sides of the 'debate' w/ opinions to support both sides.

AND %95 of posters ARE in agreement (me included) that the decision is one that BOTH you & H need to work out between yourselves & decide TOGETHER what is best for your marriage & family.

WE fully support THAT, wether it is C or NC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The info on this site is great in getting you & H working TOGETHER & headed in the right direction. Read & familiarize yourself w/ POJA & all the other concepts here. Sunny has given you some great links to begin w/.

There are also many BW in different stages & phases of recovery, healing & contemplation of this unique A/OC maze. We are here to help, support & guide. Sometimes we are jsut hear to rant & vent, but not forever.

There are also many people here to offer their own rays of hope & encouragement by sharing their own experiences. You'll find the full spectrum.

Let us know what you need. We're here for you

ooo
xxx
kt

PS: your first venture should be to focus on YOU & H relationship & marriage THEN OC decisions come after that. MC is HIGHLY/STRONGLY recommended/urged if you aren't in it already.

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

Thanks for the info. I guess we're still early in the phase of figuring out what to do. I'm guessing that we will have contact. My reasons are that so far it doesn't seem that this woman or my husband were ever in love or even close, just jointly selfish. I am planning on meeting with her though sometime next week. I decided this because I don't want to run into her somewhere (mutual friends) and have to deal with the emotions then and I want to hear her side. I think I know my husband's side of things, and I know she's not going to pour her heart out to me, but I feel I just need to sit down with her to get a better idea of where she's coming from. Obviously she wants $$, but what are her expectations of visitation, especially since she and the OC will be dealing with us as a family, not just him? Anyone ever done this? My other reason is that when my H was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant and they gave it up for adoption and this was very hard for him to live with ( Even more of a reason he shouldn't be such a dumb%$$ with having unprotected sex), not to mention the whole STD AIDS thing...whatever! Also, what happens when a few years from now she gets married and her new husband wants to adopt or something. I'm thinking it's going to be real inconvenient for her to have us in her life then. Oh well, like you said I guess we have to talk about this more as the months go on. I personally would like her and OC to go away, but that's not really fair to the child especially if my H wants to "do the right thing". So surreal. I really think I need to bring this up to her. I don't think she has a clue as to what she's done or is about to get herself into.