I am new to this site...
My husband had a one night stand during some rough times in our marriage in Sept. The girl called him a few days ago from her doctor's office to tell him she is pregnant. She is a known bed-hopper so it might not be his...I had decided to forgive the infidelity before this baby news came; I still love him so much but am I crazy for sticking with him? How will I deal with this child and the anger and resentment I am feeling for my H? Conflicts with the love, very confusing...I appreciate any insight...

WWTD,

Before you worry about the possible OC, try to get work on your marriage and get you strong as a couple. Read through this site and get the recommended book Surviving an Affair. ARe you and your H in counseling? Once the child is born DNA testing can determine who the father is. I am still new to this, my H had a PA and xow is pregnant. H is pretty certain the child is his but won't know for sure until paternity testing is done. Hang in there and don't worry about the baby yet. The board is slow on the weekends but someone else with more experience will come along and steer you in the right direction. I am really sorry you are having to deal with the extra stress of a possible OC along with your H's ONS.

FF

Thanks so much...already just being on this site and hearing from folks like you has made me feel a lot better about my situation; knowing I am not the only one who has had this happen, seeing how others have dealt with it. My H is seeing a counselor and she has given us some names of docs we could see together. Hopefully we can start next week. I feel in my heart that we can have a strong marriage and deal with whatever comes our way, we just need to step in the right direction. Thanks again, and I hope your situation is going smoothly...

WWTD
I'm glad that you found us! Each one here has had to deal with the possibility or reality of an other child (OC) resulting from an affair. As you noted, it's hard enough dealing with the affair, much less adding the issue of a possible OC. But it can be done! Each of us have had to decide what works best for ourselves..our family members...our marital relationship...and sometimes the OC. Please give yourself some time to start to process all these issues. The news is still quite new for you. (Even though after you find out, it can seem like the days and the pain drag on forever!) You don't have to make a decision about the OC now. Continue to come here for support, and read: 'Surviving an Affair', as well as any information on this site related to working a 'Plan A' or 'Plan B' Many of us have felt that we were crazy for even considering trying to save our marriages; but many of us are doing exactly that.

I'm sorry you have to be here, but please know that we care.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Wondering what to do:
<strong> I had decided to forgive the infidelity before this baby news came; I still love him so much but am I crazy for sticking with him?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you had decided to forgive the infidelity then what has really changed? The child is a biological result of his unfaithfulness and certainly a (possible) complication to your future. But if he is doing the right things and your love for each other is strong enough to overcome this, why not give it a shot?

It is a wise thing to put off making final decisions for awhile. Concentrate on your marriage for now, get into counseling, and decide later whether there is something worth saving.

No one is ever crazy for trying to save a marriage. Never.

Hang in there.

~ Snow

Thanks to everyone...this weekend has been rocky. Saturday night we had a good talk, then all of a sudden Sunday it fell apart. He started acting like the victim I guess - just said some things that didn't make any sense. I think he thinks he is ruining my life and he's not good enough for me...I have tried to tell him that I am the one who gets to chose whether I want to stay with him or not. Then he said something I guess to try and make me feel bad about being neurotic about his whereabouts - I swear he is just flip flopping and confusing me even more. I told him today we need to take time apart to decide what we really want; I am tired of his back and forth and I can't take it emotionally right now. I told him to come to me when he has figured out what he wants to do...he keeps bringing up old stuff and I keep saying we will never heal and move forward if he keeps rehashing the past (nothing major, just things I have said in hurt and anger which I am entitled to feel since Sept.) Am I doing this right?!?!?!

WWTD, HEY MOM IN MEMPHIS (ME TOO) I found a neightbor! I am so sorry that you are going though all of this! Hunny, one day will be great and the next you will be going "What the heck am I doing here!" But let me tell ya, you have found a great support group and we are here for ya! Some thing to start you off is our Welcome post. You can find it here :
Welcome to the Forum

Please look up and read and even print out the materials. I have to go back and read over it ALOT. You can also find my and others stories and the different feeling you will be facing on this post
Phases of recovery.

Like I said we are glad that you found us and we are here for you. If you would like to chat private my email is mbsunnyd@yahoo.com.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Wondering~

If he's willing to remain under the same roof as you, suggesting a separation is an unnecessary risk to take, no matter how temporary. Your best chance of getting on the road to recovery is beginning with Plan A, and Plan A is most successful when living together. Separation can equal out of sight, out of mind, even if your intention is to help him clear his mind, and make a decision about the M. Separation/Plan B may end up being the route you have to take, but I don't believe you're there yet.

Please take the time to read up on Plan A/Plan B, as found Here

~ad

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: Autumn Day ]</small>

HI SUNNYDALE NEIGHBOR!!
about the post from AD- That is what is so weird about this weekend - I asked him to move back in Saturday night and he was great with it; then Sunday he starting acting like he didn't want to. I tried to get him to explain his feelings to me but he didn't do a good job. I think the biggest thing with him is the fear that it won't work out and I'll leave him but not moving back with me is DEFINITELY not going to make me want him back. He said he wasn't trying to say he doesn't want to live with me but I am still clueless as to what he was trying to explain. Then he was acting like since I didn't want to reconcile when he did a while ago then now he's resentful or something. I don't know, I really don't think that's it but JEEZ I wish he could stick with what he tells me he's gonna do. He just confuses me more....

....

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:36 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

who knows anymore...
this morning we got into it and it sounds like to me he is harboring anger and resentment towards me because I kicked him out (in Sept.) and abandoned him and said mean things to him. I think he is trying to make himself feel better about what he did by trying to make me feel bad about what I did. I took emotional, mental, and sometimes physical abuse from him for 4 years and then I finally stand up for myself and tell him to leave and get better AND THEN he does this with this girl and I am STILL willing to forgive him, yet he is sitting around having a pity party because I said some mean things...I DIDN'T BREAK OUR VOWS AND BREAK HIS HEART!!!! So why is he thinking this way?!?! I feel like I am working towards nothing...I think he is hopelessly selfish...

Hey WWTD, Sounds like a classic FOG moment. Please look at all of these on this page:
How to survive Inf.

It helps to understand the mood swings and stuff better. Its hard to say what your H is feeling. But I am like B2, sounds like it could have been more than just a one night stand. I think they tell us this to make it "easier" for us, but in a since digging a deeper hole, w/ not being honest. You dont want a room mate you want a husband and a father to your child. You want someone to respect you as his wife and treat you w/ all the respect you deserve! Let me know how things are going. Please print some of the material out and read it over and over again. I still find things that I missed and need now again. Keep the faith and sending a hug your way!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

WWTD, Hey I guess we posted at the same time. But since I read your post maybe you should do some reading here also. It will give you some insight on his personality maybe. I hope this helps.
Anglefire

P/s good morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

thanks for the links...I printed out the Love Busters to hang in our apartment (if he comes home) so we can be aware of them every day. I know I have done some of them, I am not perfect! We are supposed to go to a concert tonight; we'll see how he acts. If he chooses not to move back home, I am afraid our relationship will be over. There is no way we can work on things and not live in the same house. If he can get over feeling sorry for himself then maybe we can get somewhere...I just hope I don't lose it before then. Thanks to you all (esp my neighbor sunnyd! - did your H act like this?) and I will post again tomorrow...

Are you sure the baby is his? Better get a paternity test before you reconcile to the other child

We are not sure the baby is his, very well may not be cuz this girl is not exactly a saint. Last night we went to the concert and all was cool, he stayed at home with me after. Well, this morning I got up and checked his cell phone (I have every right to be paranoid) and he had called her last night after I went to bed. I asked him about it and he said she had left two wild messages and he called her to tell her to leave him alone. Not sure if I believe him, and he got all crabby about me going thru his phone. Makes me wonder...
I told him there is NO reason for him to call her ever and I will look thru his phone any time I want to. I asked him to try and see it thru my eyes and have some compassion and understanding. I really am scared that he is not going to be able to get rid of this self-involved crap and start seeing things for real...my only hope is counseling will help him see the errors he is making in his thinking...maybe I should just give up and stop wasting my time...I am so lost

Hey Neighbor! Good morning. I'm glad the concert went well.To answer your question. YES, they act like that. Most of them that are fence sitting do. Plan A talkes about that. We went though around 3-4 months of the "anger" of "you left, its your fault". H did however realise that it was the wake up call he needed. I did a plan B to the hilt, before plan A. But I didn't have this site or these people here when I did it. I might have saved myself ALOT of money on attorney fees and such if I had this site. I was just tired of make believing that I was happily M. KWIM? This will be one of the hardest, strangest, situations you will go though. It will definitly make YOU a stronger, better woman. I know it has me. I worked on me first, what did I want in a M, where did I fail, what did I need to improve, and had to stop and listen to what God was tring to tell me. I hated the anger stage, its the hardest to get though for me. You know it kind of creeps back every now and then and I have to work at putting it down all over again. I did not go it alone either. I had to get control of ME and with the help of AD's and DR's, I was able to do that. And soon got off the Med's and was able to deal w/ this on my own. Its still new and still fresh for you, listen to the folks here, they helped me more than they will EVER know. Look forward to talking to you ! Have a great day.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D