Is there a place to post my story? I just found this board and I am overwhelmed at the prospect of so many of you experiencing the same pain I am. I would like to read others stories and share my own, but I didn't know if there is a special place for that or just a new thread?

Hi TLY,

Just go ahead and post your story here or on GQll. You will get responses that way. Sorry that you are here. Are you dealing with an OC?

Someone more experienced will come along soon to officially welcome you.

We were married in 1996. My H had an affair that started in 99 and lasted until she told him she was pregnant in 02. During that time we had a daughter in 01. OC was born in 03. I found out about the affair by seeing a letter in the mail from DHS and read through the envelope that my H was requested for paternity testing in the birth of OC. We were in MC at the time, for other "normal" married problems. We went to that MC for a while then switched to one more specific in reconciliation. Everybit of contact since that letter has been through DHS (never easy or pleasant). H decided to have no contact with OC until OC requests it. Our DD is 3.5 and knows she "has a brother" but never asks anything else (for now). I have no idea what the OW looks like or anything about her. I can not find any info on her b/c she is in hiding with the child. She has already filed for income reevaluation and he hasn't been paying child support for a full year yet. We recently paid off all the back amount except for the interest, b/c DHS said the OW may waive the interest...NOT, so now we owe her interest as well. I talked to her once on the phone finding the number was not easy...and she professed her love for my husband, but admitted that he never told her he loved her. He doesn't consider it any kind of relation other than sex...even though it lasted for 3 years. I am now in IC working through a lot of anger...ugh! I am almost 2 years past DDay and I still obsess about the OW, I think because I know nothing about her or how the child is being raised (mother instinct). She lives off the state while we work for a living and pay CS, and we are the ones that the DHS harasses with paperwork every month...it's always something. Reconciling is going slowly. H recently diagnosed (long-time coming) bipolar....to top it all off. Now he is the victim because of a mental disease. My IC says I need to learn to live with a bipolar...what the h#ll do you think I've been living with for 8 years!?
Every Day is difficult, some just moreso than others. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening.

TLY, I'm sorry you haven't gotten more replies. Welcome to the board!

There are many who've come here in your situation. Most marriages survive, a few don't. I wish Cat were here for your living-w/-bipolar issue (her H is too), but she hasn't been here for months.

Anyhow, I HIGHLY recommend all the Harley Principles and Concepts and Questionairres that you can find on this site, as well as his recovery book (and the book we used: After the Affair by Janis Abram Spring), and an MB-friendly counselor. I've heard the phone counseling service (also found on the MB site) is really worth the money too.

I'm 6y into recovery--a success story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We did begin (first) visitation w/OC this year (military moved us back to her location), but it isn't interferring with our marriage. Contact is a highly personal issue and there's no one answer for everyone. In cases where one or more of the adults involved can't "behave" like an adult, there isn't much hope for any peaceful contact. There've been times when I've obsessed about XOW too, even tho my situation was different. It was never helpful when I did, but it was hard to stop.

Focus on healing your MARRIAGE is my advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Adultery is a ROTTEN, horrible experience for everyone <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> , but it's worth trying to rebuild. Congradulations on a good start!

And sometimes, just take a break from the whole subject and ENJOY life!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> There are still beautiful parts to the whole.

Above all, be kind and gentle with yourself and any remorseful spouse, as their guilt will at some point outweigh your pain so much, you may feel sorry for them.

Hugs,
"Jenny"

TLY,

I am so sorry to welcome you here, but I can relate to your pain. Other will come in time to help you as well. First I think you need to read up on all the information you can on this site. It is very informative and will give you the strenght to take another step forward.

I don't know what it is like to live with someone that is bipolar, but I am sure it is a daily struggle into the unknown. Please take time for yourself and BREATHE DEEPLY. You must not try to consume your life with OW/OC. Take time out for you and rest. Take care of your child!

Read - Read - Read - Read!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That is your first step. More people will come along to help so please keep your head up and I'll keep a watch out for your posts and gladly respond when you need me to.

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

TLY,

Just checking to see how you are doing. Sorry this board has been so slow lately.

FF

Hi TLY,

Both, my mom and my sister are bipolar. Thank God I escaped the curse, but living with someone who is isn't easy. I can sympathize with you there. They seem to cycle most quickly in their 20's and 30's. Is your h a rapid cycle or does he have long bouts of depressionand then a shorter(1-3)wks of mania? My mom has mostly depression, the moments of mania got further and further apart with age and she now does well with just an anti-depressant.

My sis on the other hand...She's on her third m due to infidelity and really awful spending habits. We are very close and I've asked her about the infidelity. The best way she could explain it was closer to a sex addict. She felt like she could do anything and had a right to anything she desired (intensely living in the moment), most of the time when it cae to the sex act, she didn't even want it. She doesn't know why she takes that step. She likes the chase as it's so emotionally charged. When the depression hit, the guilt from the A made her nearly suicidal. Hyper-sexuality can just be a part of the illness as well. (they use it as a drug)

My sis also had problems with drug addiction as a minor, then alcoholism as an adult. Her doctors have tried many different kinds of meds to control the disease, so far nothing works and combos have only gotten her institutionalized. She's been institutionalized twice in the last 5yrs. She is currently looking into shock therapy.

She is a rapid cycler and my dearest friend. I know the story above sounds bad, but she is also creative, intelligent, caring, and so strong. I've shed many tears over her and have had to rush out in the middle of the night many times to her aid. I also know the drain. Sometimes you just want to walk away. When she's having good days, I'm always glad I didn't. If you ever need someone to talk to ...I'm here. Sending yu hugs and prayers.