Things have been more then great with my h lately. Time is sertanly helping us astablish a loveing wonderful relationship. One that I have to say is better then we've experianced within our 13 years together. So in a weird way working through his affair has actually had alot of possitive results, more then negative. Which is supriseing and a relif.

Here's the deal and the question though. I find my new found trust in him, and comfort zone, has happened relitivly quickly. I was comforted by this for a while, but then I started turning into an obsesive nut job. Questioning things that didn't need to be questioned, and I seem to be looking for something to prove that he has not changed. His xow has even chilled out as time goes on so she is not even makeing me suspect things. He has only gotten better wtih me etc, so I have no real reason to dought our new reality.

But I have been and now we are totaly in conflict mode. He says I'm driveing him crazy with this stuff, and I know that I am when I do it. This is not a way to creat a new loveing relationship, and I'm affraid that my actions are makeing him feel that he is under my microscope. This is not how I want to be, and not how I was ever in my life.

I'm tremendously seeking his aproveal and symotaniously feel insecure, even though he has been reashureing me with actions and words , that he is comitied to me and loves me with all of his heart.

I have to say I'm suprised at myself for this behavior and the feelings that I'm haveing now that I'm in a secure situation. (I hope that the word secure doesn't mock me forever like it doese now.) I just can't seem to belive that this is real, that my life , now happy is really real.

My husband understands why I'm behaveing this way, but he says he can't live like this etc. I agree and do not feel he should be punished or questioned for ever becouse of his choices he's made in the past. Things we have worked through.

Any insights into how I can get over feeling like this, without present reason?

We've gone through all of the motions, can anyone tell me why now when I feel happy, secure and loved, I'm falling apart and turning into a crazy person?

thanks
anm

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: anewme2 ]</small>

Good morning, how are you! I haven't posted in quite some time. I was feeling somewhat like you in the beginning. I finally had to go to my physician and ask for medicine.

I am taking Lexapro and now I feel much better marriage seems to be on track for the most part.

As of two weeks ago h won visitation so I faced my fear of seeing other child for the first time.

I thought oc would look just like my h so I didn't want to see oc however, he doesn't. My son who is not h looks more like h than oc.

Needless to say I started the healing process of forgiveness finally after 2 years of hurt, bitter, anger, frustration, betrayal and many more feelings inside that were eating me alive.

I had to make a decision to let go and either move forward with h or without him. I had a lot of stress on me. Back aches, headaches, acid reflux, you name it I was having a lot of problems.

Now I feel much better I have decided to forgive but, never forget and move forward. I am telling this to say let go of the past of thing of the present and future. Communication was a big problem for me but, no more.

I am not going to kill myself because of someone else you know what I mean. I am sorry for rambling on you can email me and we can talk more.

God bless you and good luck!

anew,

I think looking at your sig line that you are still early in recovery. If you pop on over to the recovery board and post you will get responses from people that are more experienced in the recovery process. From what I read there are many stages of recovery and you may be entering an anger stage.

Glad to know your marriage is recovering and your H is being supportive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care,