Lynn....what's a STOW? I've been here forever, but I don't know that acronym.

Ent,

You are almost the dictionary version of STOW.

Go back to TOW.

Sterotypical other woman.....

I guess you failed to get the sarcasm behind my post. No intonation is possible in a post...I should know that by now.

My point is and was....What is the point of ANYONE bashing ANYONE? Doesn't accomplish much in the way of "marriage building".

I am not throwing up in anyone's face about my situation. I am lucky. I just refused after a point for OW to "be" in my life. She is a part of it because of the situation, but that is all. Believe me....I an not a saint or a martyr. My OW said and did some asinine things and so did I initially. But I just kind of thought...."uhhh...what is the point of this?"

I love my family. Period. That is all I EVER wanted to be....not a doctor...lawyer....or any kind of profession than that of a MOM and WIFE. But I haven't posted much here lately because there is NO support for BS's in my situation. Those (and speak up ladies) who have moved on from the initial hate. Those who just need a "hurrah" occassionally. Some women to say, "that's great that oc did....." without people who have n/c blasting you.

Just my honest opinion....

ent

If you want accolades, then coming on here and bashing BW who are not kissing their husbands feet, and calling them sanctimonious for being mean to a ow is hardly the way to do it. You are NOT here to discuss how grand your oc is, you are here judging and constantly whining about the ow.

Truth is Ent, is that these women are new to this and dealing with alot. If the ow is disliked and called names, big deal. So what. Are you so heartless and self absorbed trying to convince yourself about how right you are that you can't see many are suffering? How can you possibly read some of these stories of blantant harrassment and then worry about what name an ow is called?

As for the couple, had you truly gone through a proper reconciliation you would know that the MM is not off the hook with all blamed at the feet of the ow. Hardly. The fact that you can even read that into these posts makes me think you are certifiable. Lets not forget your flowering loving posts of support for ow across the land. What kind of fools do you take people here for?

These women are dealing with their marriages AND a fool, harrassing ow. But you stay in the simple, closed minded world of ow denial. "Oh, the BW blames me, blah blah blah"

I think you are a fraud, or the biggest doormat I have ever read.

LynneG,

Attack attack attack....

Doesn't bother me a whit whether you believe me or not. Or what you think of me.

ent

YOU are the one who is attacking and whining on here about ow. YOU are the one who attacks BW on this board for not agreeing with you.

Of course I am going to attack a self absorbed OW supporter who comes here and calls BW names.

Get a therapist, you need one. Harleys are good. You should give them a call.

You are such a sad person. I feel so sorry for you. Maybe if you vented out your hostility to the one who created it, your husband, you would get to let go of all your hatred.


<---------TOW is that way.

-----------> that way?

-----------> that way?

Once again....

Don't give a whit what you think about me.

ent

Don't give a whit? Don't believe it.

Sure you do. Or you wouldn't respond, and you'd get off your preachy high horse and stop misinterpretting righteous indignation with hate...

Lynn

You are absolutely correct about Entwife. Some people are so thick and she fits that mold.

Entwife... you have alot of nerve coming on to this site..telling people what they can and can not do. We have Justuss...

CheerfulOne

What name do you use on TOW? Just curious?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wizard:
<strong> CheerfulOne

What name do you use on TOW? Just curious? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not a TOW member.

Why Not?

Odd? Do yah think?

Yes, very peculiar.

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Oh, I don't know. Probably the same reason why FindingMyWayBack hangs out at GloryB. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I find pecular is that you mention FMWB posts there....how would you know that?

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 08:21 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Reading.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

P.S. I read your posts too star*fish <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 08:27 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>

I was wondering why can't ow have the same pain as we do and get the help they need??????

Cheerful,

I have made no secret that I post on TOW. I use the same name in all the places I post....I consider that an honest way of posting. That way, I have the same vulnerability as anyone else...my story is not hidden and I am the same person on all sites. I have never posted anywhere besides their General board, because the mods and members told me that's the only appropriate place for someone who isn't an OW to post. I stay away from the the sensitive areas on TOW, as I encourage TOWers to do here because that's where there is the most sensitivity and pain. Since I mentor folks on all sides of these triangles (WS,BS and OP who are trying to break free from affairs)...it gives me perspective and a greater ability to help.

editted for spelling

<small>[ November 29, 2004, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

OW DO get support, at their own board. Coming to a MARRIAGE BUILDING site is hardly the healthy place to go, just as a BW would hardly gain any support from the ow sites.

Not only that but ow KNOW what they are getting into (as does the MM) and when it all falls down around them, and people are lashing out, they have only themselves to blame. Many ow seem to feel that the BW only blames the ow. WRONG. BW are angry at BOTH. But ow like to believe otherwise and therefore like to see themselves as "wronged" somehow....that way they do not have to accept themselves for who they really are. It is not a whole lot different then getting a friend super drunk and handing them the keys to a car. When said friend crashes and kills someone, ow types would feel no remorse, as it was "his choice to drink and he knew he would be driving, it was his car, his license.." Not once would they consider their responsiblity in it. They could care less if other people are hurt by their actions, as they just justify their way out of it. Hence the "BW only blames me" justification.

However, if the MM is willing to be honest with his wife and is willing to live through the mine field that is recovery, he earns some trust back. The history of the marriage, the commitment, the life built, leaves lots of room for recovery. I know for a FACT that my husband still, to this day, is horrifed at what he put ME through. If/when issues regarding oc come to light, he gets disgusted with what he has done to ME and OUR FAMILY. And, I am sure that many other husbands are the exact same way. They are DISGUSTED with what they have done. Using the same accident scenario, think of the person who does cause an accident. A DECENT person, would be horrifed at injuring someone. Imagine how a husband feels at seeing his wife in pain????? Knowing it was HIS FAULT?????

But ow do not see that side of it. They ASSUME that when a BW lashes out at them (which they deserve), that she is at home begging and pleading and not holding her husband accoutable. That is so far from reality, it is mind boggling.

The reason that most ow can't get to much comfort here, as that SHE asked for it. SHE KNEW what she was doing. Coming here asking for assistance is like asking a group of grieving mothers, who lost a child to a drunk driver to understand just how important your party was and how you made such great drinks and that it was so fun, and that it isn't YOUR fault that the 100 proof alcohol caused the accident. Some would be angry, some would be just shocked at the audacity and others would be hurt at the level of inhumanity. To not understand or care what YOUR actions do to others is mind boggling.

To come here and play passive aggressive games is the sign of a sick and twisted mind.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> They are DISGUSTED with what they have done. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And some are so disgusted with themselves they can never forgive themselves.

This is what I have to contend with.

Forgivness comes with time. I know it was extremely hard for my husband to forgive himself for hurting me. He had nights where I would wake and he would be crying and looking at our wedding album, or family photos....I would ask what was wrong and he would say things like "how could I be so stupid" or "what have I done..." or "I hate myself for hurting you...." But they have to get over that in time too. They have some serious self reflection that they have to go through. Once again, like the driver who killed someone. Was it intentional? How many drunks think they are fine? Well, a cheater doesn't think he is going to hurt anyone does he? He doesn't think anyone will know cause he is hiding it. Why hide it if he wanted to hurt you? So when they are found out, they have some real demons don't they? I know that I wouldn't want to be a person like that. The regret they live with over hurting their wives passes as new memories are formed and life goes on.

Early on, when he would get into his "what did I do funk" I would just let him work it out. Sometimes it would irritate me and I would say "snap out of it, it's over" and take him out and have some fun. If your H is feeling guilty, seduce him out of it!!!!