This was sooooo weird....<BR>I dreamt several of us (about 9-people i imagine to be in california, chris and janie, for some reason, especially). We had gathered for an evening of dinner and board games, and stayed up till well past 2am. When i went home on the train, i saw this little old lady pulling out the connector pieces on the last train car, in which there were several betrayeds. The car was left behind. It turned out the woman was Dustin Hoffman (?), and he was on a mission to get the betrayeds to "wake up, and not be blinded by the betrayers any longer" How? by MAIMING anyone who would not acknowledge their spouses' affairs! The train ended up at a picnic that all of the MBF was at, and there were all these women on crutches, with casts...you name it..all wounded by Hoffman. I managed to ingratiate myself with him, and tell him that i did in fact know about H's affair, and there was no need to hurt me, please! He didn't, but he was pretty harsh with me, as my H had suddenly gone back to work with OW for a week with no good explanation, and Hoffman made me write a mean letter saying, "if this is what you want, go for it, i'm outta here".<P>Then i woke up. <BR>In a way, it was a lot like my life: people will tell me about how horrible my H and my marriage are (not in those words, but i know what they mean), and i ask, "don't you think i KNOW this?" Really, it is just easier to be pollyanna, sometimes, but the wounds are all there, in my heart.<P>Oh well, just wanted to share. Great way to start the week, huh?<BR><P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

Yuck. Ish.<P>Yeah, great way to start the week off with fear. <P>2 Timothy 1:7 Truth for the week.

The dreams!!!<BR>I wake up at least once every night and have to stay up for 30 minutes so I don't go back to the same dream.<BR>Is this a common thing for you?<BR>Do the dreams interfere with your sleep often?

I wish I could have ANY dreams! I've only had 3 since Christmas.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

oh yeah, ws, all the time...nightmare city (or im just not sleeping at all!-which is worse???).<BR>chris, you ain't missin nuthin!<P>thanks, tnt.

How strange, I haven't thought about this. I can't remember the last dream I had. It has been over a year. What does it mean when you can't or don't dream?<P>Anyhow, hope I wasn't cut up too bad.

hello was blind,<BR>the dreams...or nightmares are really so hard to deal with. I wonder were this fits in with one who has a very good memory (ws's thread)? I would guess there is a connection.<BR>At one time I had to study the significance of dreams. It was many yrs ago and I remember little. You see, I rarely remember my dreams even though I have tried to train myself to do so. <BR>The crutches and casts...I wonder why your mind chose to externalize the pain? It is easier to deal with physical pain than emotional pain for most of us. And does your dream signify that maybe you have reservations about how you have dealt with the affair? I know you have recognized it as very real....but something is saying that maybe you have not? <BR>I don't know...just some thoughts on this nightmare of yours!! Yeah, it is weird!<BR>On the other hand, I have often thought a party with all of us would be great fun!! Sure, I'll come over to CA for a party!! <BR>But please don't invite dustin-no matter how cute he is-I don;t need anymore pain in my life.<p>[This message has been edited by cl (edited September 07, 1999).]

actually, janie, you were luckily one of the pre-maiming people (haha, eveyone was asking YOU how long we should stay up playing board games, you though 430am was a good time )<BR>about not/dreaming, i guess freud would say you ARE having them, but your conscious mind won't acknowledge them, because your "ego defense mechanisms" can't handle it. (that is, they just hurt too much to think about).<P>

cl, you may be right, about externlizing pain and not truly ackowledging my situation. I think all of that really is in me (the truth and the agony), but i have no real way of safely dealing with it-except for here, and even here i cover up with humor and "science".<BR>For a couple weeks now, i've just felt like im on the edge of crying my eyes out...like my head is exploding from the pressure of the bottled up emotion. It hasn't happened yet, and it goes away, but it comes back stronger-the "pressure" to cry gets worse everytime i feel it. I bet if i went off my antideps for a couple days, i would just crumble. H and i are still very precarious, and that would be BAD, so maybe my dreams are the only way i can deal with this? (I'm stuck in a rotten HMO, where we all have the same GP, and i can tell him i'm having postpartum depression next month [baby due 10-8], so i can save face when i ask to see a psych.) counseling would be a boon for me, and thankfully H has a therapist he likes (and who told him to stay married ), so progress WILL be made.<BR>Till then, thank god i have my dreams (the best one was last month, when OW came to me in Kmart, dressed as the grim reaper-in a revealing crop top satin robe-and told me SHE was dying-i could use more dreams like THAT!)<BR>

The dreams we have can be pretty wild, but I think mine help me get my anger out in a safe place, where I'm not likely to cut any appendages off my H. I had a dream about my h and the OW last week that had me pissed off at my h for a couple days. More so because he got brought this nasty person into our lives in the first place, than because of what happened in the dream, which was bad. I've never dreamed she was dead or dying though, that would be pretty satisfing. I'd wake up happy, at least until reality kicked in.<P>Hoping and praying for happier dreams for all of us (minus the OW/OM)!!!<P>Long Suffering

I was maimed, right?

what, tnt, YOU are in denial?<BR>all i saw was this sea of wounded women, but they were all happy at that picnic...three legged races on old lady walkers and such.<BR>yeah, everyone was happy...strange.

No, I'm not in denial! I am certain he had an affair, but no proof! And am moving on into recovery without the proof! He still continues to deny..... HE's in denial....<P>But, I would imagine - as so many betrayed spouses get angry and bitter and vengeful, that perhaps your perception of my attitude toward my husband's affairs are that I am in denial. I was wondering what YOU were thinking subconsciously!!!!!<P>God Bless.

Pretty wild dream! Did you at least have a good weekend? I (pretty much) did. <P>I had a couple of nightmares last week. Two in a row on the same morning. I dreamt I was with my H and found him in the first dream paying for sex with a friend of his from college that we were visiting and in the second dream paying for sex with a stranger at some kind of college reunion. It was so real I woke up devastated and angry at him. I could barely breath. I don't get it.<P>Usually I don't remember my dreams lately. They must be pretty bad! I wake up feeling like I haven't slept a wink. You know that feeling you have when you wake up from a nightmare? THAT'S how I feel, I just can't remember why.<P>I also get a lot of reminders from people about what a j*rk my H can be and how miserable my marriage is. I get reactions of shock and surprise when people realize I'm actually trying to work on this marriage. Do they really think I forget all of the pain? That pain is a part of me, something that I live with every day. They have no idea, really, of what it's like. <P> Lizbeth

yo sis!<BR>i know what you mean about people thinking my H is a jerk, and how can i stay with him?<BR>It's annoying. They tell me ugly truths that i already know, as if it were news to me. I'm like, "duh, do you really think i don't know that?"<BR>especially my mom, who's going through a super-feminist-lesbian thing, and can't seem to remember enjoying being a housewife 30 years ago, and "escaped" it as fast as she could. She says, "well, i guess you have figured out how to make him happy..." (god no, i did not tell her the affair went on for a year after discovery, she would not have let me live it down!).<BR>Well, anyway, after enough judgments, you just stop telling people the truth, i guess.<BR>Glad you had a good weekend!

hey!<BR>my mom and dad are at the tail end of their divorce, so you can imagine where SHE'S at right now. i can't talk about my life without hearing "your father did blah, blah, blah..." or she's men-bashing in general. the worst is that she's an alcoholic and suffers from depression. i'm lucky if she remembers what's going on in my life. i'm lucky if she doesn't space out during our conversation! <P>yeah, after a certain point you stop sharing the details with everyone. my brother is still waiting for me to explain myself to him. my friends are very confused. next week it could all be over (again). it's a rollercoaster, and other people don't like being taken for the ride.<P>