Bottom line Ent is that you, again, pontificate on the ow. You ASSUME that people are obsessed with ow, and that is far far from the truth.

After the nutty way you behave here, I am now firmly believing that you must be some 15 year old nit wit just out toying with people. NO BW would come to your conclusions.

I would rather be considered sactimonious from a troll like you then to be doormat fool like you.

At least I had the guts to stand up to my husband and deal HONESTLY with my feelings. I didn't cower and just say ok, like you appear to. But then, I have huge doubts that you are even a BW. Actually I find your sitting in judgement and your contsant wailing about the ow quite significant. You are doing great harm to fine, decent hurting women, and you seem to do so with glee. What kind of monster does that?

As for those with contact: I have not seen one single post deriding Sunny for her choice of contact. NOT ONE. She has been supported from get go. Has been called out to clairify some things, but has always been loved and supported in her choice. So your simple minded half baked excuse of nobody supporting you is moot and a lie.

You are disliked, distrusted and wished away cause of your constant beating of the "ow drum".

Either you are a mean vile person who enjoys hurting others, or you are sad, beaten down BW who is jelous of others who are able to open up honestly with their husbands and voice their views and wishes.

<-------------TOW is that way.

Which way?

If you check my posts from earlier this year, you will see that I have not always posted in this particular vein. Check under entwife...messed up my original name by losing the password or something....had to use another name.

I am 41 years old. I posted my story and gio couldn't just read it. So I took it off....the post above was what she wrote after I told MY story.

The ironic thing is .....no one who knows me in "real" life would recognize me by what has been posted about me. Maybe the b**ch part...but that's it. Plus I worked hard to get that title thank you.

ent

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 10:44 PM: Message edited by: entwifejmr ]</small>

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:33 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Well i can hardly say that the OW are ugly? On the outside anyway. On the inside, it must be oozing with hate,jealousy, resentment, self indulgence, self pitty, no self respect. But you will not find any remorse, compassion for anyone, or the ability to act like an adult. Its control, its hurt, its vengence. To live life like that, wouldn't be living at all to me. Its a crying shame for a child, how didn't ask to be here, to be around and treated as a pawn to distroy, control and to not ever be raised in a family to which God intended them to be. Like I have said time and time again. God doesn't make mistakes, people do. People w/ no self control, no respect for others. I can say that I have always had the support of this board and the "oldies" for my wanting contact with this child. Never has anyone told me not to. I have had them tell me this is what will happen and this is what she is going to pull and make it legal no matter what. I had thoughts of OK if I do this and do that I can make this better for everyone involved. IT DONT MATTER LADIES! They still are going to pull and play the same [censored] over and over again. So the best advise I can give is cover you butts on every angle, get the best attorney you can afford, and get prepaired for anything and everything! Cause it WILL happen. Now if you do choose no contact, the rules apply to you the same get the best attorney you can get, let your WS pay for their sins for the next 18-21 years and close the door. I dont believe in maybe in a couple of years we will see the child. Dont either you do it and do it from the beginning or dont. These children dont need it at all. Yours or the OC. The OW feels that you cant love their child as your own, why? CAUSE SHE COULD GIVE A RATS BEHIND ABOUT YOURS. And therefore you could not be any different. WRONG, we are above that, I know I am! I am full of self respect, love for others and self worth! So YES I AM DIFFERENT!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

That was not a PM, Ent, so why the PM above it?
YES it sounds familiar-- I would post it again and again...and stand firm on what I wrote- so what is your point? I don't find that bashing at all?? Go read over on other sites when a BS posts anything REMOTELY true to her situation that does not favor OW--- THERE you will find bashing and name calling. You arent even allowed to reference YOUR OW as anything NEGATIVE, EVEN IF SHE'S A DARN STALKER!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't kiss ANYONE'S [censored]. Not even your sanctimonious one. Check the dictionary for the meaning, because you obviously don't know it. I've been slammed HERE more than I have ever been slammed at TOW </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OF COURSE YOU ARE NOT CALLED TO THE CARPET THERE--- YOU DON'T DARE DISPLAY ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO THE ATTITUDE YOU DO HERE!! Gee that was a hard one to figure out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And again--- gimme a break!! You receive exactly what you give--- here and in real life. So how could it be that you are some poor innocent victim of MEAN BSes??
WAITAMINUTE-- that sounds familiar....LYNN-- MAYBE you are right?? hahahahahaha!

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 09:23 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

ONE MORE THING--

ANYONE out there who has contact w/OC-- PLEASE SHARE WITH US!!!

HOW EVER can anyone have any example of GOOD things you can feel/accomplish by having contact if we don't know?

I REALLY TRULY LOVE to hear of any BS who is HAPPY AND THRIVING with their OC/new family member. I believe at times I am almost envious of someone with such a wonderful ability to handle this emotionally. I admire that.

And Ent- I would admire you too--- if you didn't act as if there is no other way --or that WE ARE ALL LOSERS AND SO ARE OUR H'S for not having contact. Cause thats the way you come off.

So.. please, Ent why dont you start a new thread- and tell us how easy it is and how warm you feel about the OC-- MAYBE JUST MAYBE YOU and OTHERS with contact can HELP the BS who wants contact or has contact.. MAYBE JUST MAYBE when H and I feel our family is strong and want contact... MAYBE I can look at your posts and say "wow- there IS HOPE for me to LOVE THIS CHILD!!!"

Hello,

I am one who has contact with Ow/OC.

For us it works out well.

I have become friends with his mother. I am 2 1/2 yrs past d-day.

It has been a long hard road.

I think the biggest reason I was able to get to this point is because Jami (OW), answered every question I had. I called her a lot. Everytime a new question popped up in my head she answered them. She has never tried to use Tylor (OC) to get her own way. She has encouraged Tylor to have a relationship with me.
I can't tell you how many times she has apologized to me for her part in all of this. She never gave any excuses. never put me down.

Yes There have been times when I have been angry with her. not so much because of any one paticular thing. Just because sometimes I get mad because of everything I lost.

Tylor is a great kid and I love him dearly. He will be 10 in April. I know it hasnt been easy for him either, To wake up one day and find out he has a stepmother and 5 other siblings. Just as it wasnt easy for my children to find out about them.
My kids have met Jami. they like her alot. I DONT have a problem with this. People make mistakes. We learn from them and we try to do the best we can with the life we have been dealt.
I wish they lived closer so we could spend more time with Tylor. As it is we dont get to see him very often but we do talk to him on the phone alot.

Well, dont get me wrong. I love A with all my heart. I cry for him. To have this wonderful little person in my arms and know what he will go though in this life time and what he will have to overcome. I wanted from the start to make his life the best I could. To be the best step mom I could be! Then instead of being HAPPY to know that your son is safe and is treated just like my D is. you find ways to stir and hurt? I believe in prayer and one day, I will, I can be like taylorsmom and everything works to where these children have as normal of a life we can ALL give them. I will not give up on him and I will not give up on the fact that people DO have to heal first, and healing does take time. Some more than others.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

We also have contact. Our ow is a nightmare. The children, tho...OMG. They are the light and sunshine in this whole, horrible mess.

The OW, tho is he11 on toast. She sincerely needs to get herself a real life, and quit trying to steal someone else's (mine).

OC #1 is a little girl born Dec 5, 2002. She is GORGEOUS, precious and PRECOCIOUS as all get out. She calls me mommy and she melts my heart. She runs to me with her needs as much as she runs to her daddy, whom she holds his heart in her tiny hands. She's pixie-ish and dimpled and brown! OY! If I could bottle her skin tone, we'd all be meeting in Disney with our families 'cos I'd be RICH!

OC #2 is a little boy born Apr 18, 2004. He is the spitting image of my son who is the spitting image of their father. O dear, 3 of em, with curling eyelashes, dimples to fall into, and impish grins. I'm doomed. I tell dwh that the boys are our little tight ends - they're both built like football players.

- Kimmy

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:34 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Oh, it's come close to killing me a couple of times. (sigh) You've no idea until you're put into a sitch (God forbid anyone ever....please, God?). I've been through a lot of toughies in my life, and this by far has been the most long, drawn out, hardest thing I've ever lived through.

On the other hand, I'm def. NOT the person I thought I was. I've learned a TON about myself and other people through all this. Everyone's breaking point is different. See? I've broken into a gagillion/magillion pieces, and I've yet to shatter. Someone else (God forbid) might've thrown in the towel a long time ago.

- Kimmy

In my odd situation, there was contact on both sides for awhile. With H Xow, contact was on/off. Her choice. She played alot of games. H ended contact just recently due to the threats against our own family. I love J with all my heart and have dreams of him being involved in our family once again.

As for contact with Xmm. That ended this year. For some reason D hates her Bio father. She is only 5 and holds such hate for this man. A is a bit two young to realize anything.

Contact works for some. The main thing I have read over and over is that ALL adults need to work together. Contact will not work when one is being an [censored]

See, THAT is what this board IS in need of, NOT OW rants ONLY (L0L)...

I think there NEEDS to be people letting OTHERS here know that they CAN LOVE the babies.

I like to see it-- I don't feel GOOD AND HAPPY about no contact, and most women here don't either!!!

I mean, some OW have no idea of the fact that myself, and I bet others DO feel funny about not knowing a part of our husbands. I think of the little baby girl that may look like our children, that may look like my H... it bothers me OF COURSE. But it something that we all have to live with and that possibly may change some day when my children are not so impressionable and our family is stronger.

Please, if anyone feels they cannot talk about these children- do not feel that way.

It is valuable for a new BS to come here and get ALL scenarios. It is scary to think that maybe, just maybe, the influence of this or other boards precludes a relationship via horror stories only.... We ALL NEED every side to make an intelligent decision for our family. Emotional issues come first for now, but must be backed up by a mature decision process.

Can anyone here tell me how they felt the first time they saw OC? Did you feel just as you thought you'd feel--- was it worse than you thought or much better (i.e. you felt soft towards the child?)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can anyone here tell me how they felt the first time they saw OC? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Scared the beejeebers outta me. She kept looking at me while I'd feed her (I knew she was mother/child bonding). I told dwh she was imprinting on me....it was true. You hold a newborn, swaddled and feed them with your face 5 inches away on a regular basis, and you both imprint on each other. So now I'm mommy to her (hehe). I was so scared to be mommy to her then, tho. I was so unsure of dwh and I trying to work it out.

When mijo was born, at least I knew that he was coming. I didn't know about mija till a month after her birth. It'd been made WAY clear to OW by that time that dwh wasn't leaving me, so I was MUCH more secure when he came to our house. He looked/s so much like our son that it was NO problem imprinting with him. Golly, what a chub muffin that boy is. Told dwh last time he was home that was the last visit where I try to walk him around to get him to sleep. Bout broke my back.

BTW: Dwh DOES do baby chores. All of 'em in fact. I'm just a baby hog. I love them. Doesn't hurt that none of the babies, his, mine, ours, were easy babies, either.

- Kimmy

Since my H and I have not decided on the contact issue yet, we are going through many different discussions and scenarios. We are in a very tenuous time in our recovery so this is a secondary issue right now. I do know and my H agrees with me however, I love babies. I know that I can love this little guy too. I know that once I look into his little face my heart will melt and I will be in love with him. He is (not confirmed by DNA yet)a part of my H and therefor a part of me.

The biggest complication is dealing with our DD. Contact would mean she would have to be privvy to some ugly sides of our M that we have chosen not to share. Like LynnG, that may be the deciding factor...to protect our D and her R with her daddy.

Yes, Faithful- as with Lynn- our 3 children are the MAIN reason we dont even want to entertain this now.

Our family, while gaining strength, is NO WHERE near the point I'd feel we were a "success" story. I think we need at LEAST a couple years to rebuild the M. The kids have seen so much oogly... they needed so much reassurance for some time and are now feeling better than EVER! BUT... this is exactly why these poor babies of mine- deserve to be in their UN-KNOWING state of bliss now.

I believe strongly that later it is WAY less hurtful to say THIS HAPPENED SO LONG AGO--- and they will KNOW by our EXAMPLE that we are a happy and strong family again and do not have to worry about the present or future of our marriage. No way do they deserve for thier security to be taken away again or feel the shame they would now--- they are preteen and young teenaged children-- YIKES thats all they need at this uncertain age!

The affects on the kids is the reason H and I decieded on NC. We tried, gave it our all. But when it starts threatening our kids then we had to put a stop to it.

But I will say this, if I had a chance to be back in contact with H oc I would do it in a heartbeat. J is just so sweet and deserves all the love that he can get.

G123, I can say the first time I saw A, he stole my heart away. He is so cute and so helpless to the situation to which he was born in. I hurt for him so much at times. I dont want his life to be nothing but back and forth and where I'm I this weekend. But I have no control on that what so ever. He is here for a reason and purpose and his life is meaningful in domeway or another. We will have the visitations and we will have the peace we deserve. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but with the help from the legal system and alot of pryaing, we will. My feelings towards his mother are those of disappointment now. She has no reason to think and act the way she does. She is having to deal w/ her own actions and the pain there of. I can only pray that her healing comes soon, with out causeing more pain to those who did nothing to create it.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

I've only seen oc one time, from 25 ft. away, that's the only time my h has seen oc as well. Ow doesn't want c. She clearly stated that visitation would not be granted as it would lower her cs. My h and I know the law is on our side, but ow has threatened me and our children, her harrassment cost my h two jobs. She stalked me throughout my last pregnancy, her mother threatened to have me beaten while I was pregnant. We called the police and basically it's one persons word against another. We now know how difficult abused spouses have it. Nc is not a choice, my h is unwilling to endanger our family more just to possibly get joint custody or even sole custody of oc and give ow more of a vendetta.

I feel very sorry for oc, if I had concrete evidence to have her investigated by CPS, I would. I feel terrible that oc will be denied our loving home and siblings. I do not have a bond with oc, but I do write letters and take pics and put special little momentos to mark family occaisions in a box for oc when the child reaches maturity.

wow...it's really nice to see these kind of exchanges!! Thanks so much for being honest and kind ladies!!