We have a very fine line to walk here on Marriage Builders Forums when venting or expressing our hurt and pain.

While many of us are attempting to recover from our spouses betrayal, making us BS's (I HATE labels!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) some of us are trying to recover and rebuild after our own infidelity (FOP). Each and EVERY member is valuable (regardless of their "label" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) and their combined contributions are equally as essential in our personal recovery and recovering our marriages.

Please refrain from making comments about ALL OP , BS's or any other blanket statements. Venting is OK as long as it is pertaining to YOUR situation, such as "the OW in my life,,,my FWS,,as a BS or FWS I feel...."etc.

Please try to be considerate of others feelings.


Edited to add----- Please do NOT hesitate to email me if you find a post or comment offensive. Or if you just have a concern or suggestion. I'm here,,not 24/7 but almost!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

You know JU, I think most people here are giving examples of their situations. There are some that will lump everyone into a catogory or two. But for the most part, we are stating about our own situation. Mine I hoped would be different. Why because I felt I was different. But you know at first I thought our OW would be different. But she's not so she just make the "general" STOW group just that much bigger. Just like when I read the "general" BS are like this and that. I dont feel it is directed to me. I have never saw myself as a poor little BS, that was being a doormat or a obsessive/compulsive person. Nor have I seen myself as a victum of my life or my situation. I am here for a reason and to learn from it. So if I generalize people, its only because I am talking about in a general frame of mind. Or for the most part. Because it didn't take me lone to realise that the choice we made to have C with A was a far and few between and not a very easy task to accomplish. I got that "general" idea from BOTH sites.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thank you Justuss. I have been avoiding this forum lately because of the recent posts so strongly against WS/OP person. I am BOTH a FWS and BS. My FWH's XOW is pregnant so we are dealing with a great deal of pain and confusion in our M and trying very hard to recover. I have been spending most of my time on the recovery board mostly because I need to recover my M before considering C w/OC. But to visit here and see someone tearing other's apart is painful.

There is a great deal of love and respect on this board by many here and mutual respect between those deciding on NC and those w C. Pep, Genia, Star, Sunny and many others are doing a great job trying to keep it focused as support for those dealing with these issues and the pain of betrayal. You ladies set a fine example for the rest of us and I am greatful. Keep up the good work! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Justuss, forgive a little side talk to FF

Faithful - I have seen patience, kindness, compassion and empathy extended to several former OW and even current OW on this and other boards.

However, there are a few who have no purpose but to needle, insult, jab and wound those who find themselves in this situation.

I'm not in a marriage where there is an OC. I grew up in one where I WAS the OC. Albeit unknown to my father or anyone else.

Justuss, you moderate the most vulnerable board in the marriagebuilder system. Kudos for what you do. And I appreciate when we all blow a stack at some audacious antic of a TOW member cruising this board, that you take care of them - and keep us in line too. I know one has to be cruising for a banishment right now - at least I hope so.

FF - you & your dwh are welcome here.

(((hugs)))

Thank you, Kimmy.

JU,

Thank you for stepping in when you do. I am in awe at how this board has been used these past few months. I remember, oh my goodness how helpful everyone was to me when I first came here. If the boards had of been this way initially I think I would be one of those people lost in a life of misery.

I am grateful for the other BS,FWS,OW,and so on for the way they took my precious situation and helped me through it. I still need those people at times and am hurt that I can no longer find them here because of all the fighting. Thank you, and thank each of you for your help (you ALL know who you are).

I was like many of our other posters, I had NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO. This was my Shoulder, my Rock!! This is why I think we need to mindful of just what we say and how we say it. We are here to support one another and assist one another no matter what the situation may be. If we can't do that - why are we here! So please let's be helpful to one another this is a trying time for us all and we don't need to add stress to our situations by bashing anyone.

I am sorry for running on, but I do care about the healing process for everyone.

Forgive me,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Absolutely correct!!

The vast majority of the posters on the forums try to be very careful about not offending others, and when they inadventedly do so, they are quick to apologize. Most here are sincere in their desire to rebuild and recover their marriages. They have NO desire to hurt or cause pain for anyone else.

My message was meant as a reminder to those few that seem to forget! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I know that I do tend to lump the ow in one group. Mainly cause the ones that come here are so much alike.

I guess one can't attach rationalilty to an irrational person.

Personally I find it cruel and inhuman that ow, without husbands come here and complain about their lot and totally disregard the feelings of the newer BW on here.

I know that I do get on them, but I am so far past it that it can't touch me. The newer women are still raw with pain, and I feel very protective of them. I can see the back handed swipes the ent wife and a few others do here.

LynnG,

Please email me when you have the opportunity.

No problems,,,just a question... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know it is extremely hard to do, but what do you think might happen if we all just ignored any poster who appeared bent on heaping additional pain on the members of this board?

How long do you think they would post to themselves? I'm betting not very long.

You won't change them. So ignore them. Gravitate only to those you know are "safe" and who are here to help you.

~ Snow

You know sometimes it's hard to NOT generalize but JU is right. It's not right. I've met quite a few here that are wonderful and have very good hearts. To be in there shoes and do the things they've done are what makes this world a better place. I will say this that I once said my xmm in my situation and was quickly told that he was never my xmm as he was married. It's just an expression and where I totally understood where she was coming from, it makes it hard not to generalize so to go along with what JU has asked if someone here says my xmm, my xow etc., please don't take offensive.

How about "the MM I was seeing or involved with.." ?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I will email you either later today, or after the holiday weekend!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Justuss:
<strong> How about "the MM I was seeing or involved with.." ?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's a good idea <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />