SUNNYD: I hope that everything is OK with you. I've sensed some unsettledness in the last few days from you. I hope that I'm wrong for you have shown what forgiveness is and really by reading your post about you and your h and all has given me hope in things I've needed to do as well. Not trying to pry but wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you.

Hey Mary, well I had hoped that we all could be adults and I have done everything for C to feel comfortable with leaving A w/ us and showing her in every sence of the word that we have moved on. The visitation paper are ready and agreed upon all that needs to be done is the final signing and everything is settled. Ok it didn't all go her way and it didn't go all our way. It went A's way and his best interest. I guess when you show that you are over the anger/hate/ ect not too many people who have NEVER been in this type of situation try to influence people into thinking well, I must now be after her child, or we are going to take him from her? Or you know no one can be this forgiving or love someone elses child as my own. The past two weeks have been very hard fighting off the feelings of anger that are creeping back in. She calls and tells lies and insinuates untrue things. Pulling stunts with my D and just acting crazy in general. This shows me that the games are now begining. I simply told her she needed to put away her anger and do what is best for A and thats it. She is the only one that can do that and all I can do is to continue to pray for her. But according to the conversations last night, I think maybe we will be getting back on track to doing what is best for A and my D. No one wins in this situation, but I dont think the children should have to suffer for the mistakes of the adults. I guess people see me as "she cant be true" or "she has a hidin agenda thing" I dont know. I see myself as a truely blessed person. Thats all.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I see myself as a truely blessed person. Thats all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And that u r my friend with a heart the size of Texas! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him".

My friends, how do you persevere? How do you bear up when the suffering comes? How do you endure the distress? you may buckle up and fold or you may bear up and persevere. The latter response is the Christian one. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial".

If you are going to persevere, then you must realize that trials are part and parcel of the Christian life. Do not be surprised when trial
comes.

(1 Pet. 4:12) "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing; so that also at the revelation of His glory, you may rejoice with exultation."

Through it all, God is with you. You are not alone.

Love u "Neighbor in Heaven" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sunny D}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

HEY hunny! My neighbor in heaven how's goes it? You are a great friend and a great inspiration!
Love ya! ((((BBG)))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny, a person who does not know love, can't understand what it truly is. A person who is cold hearted and selfish, can't understand one who is warmhearted and generous. A person who constantly has ulterior motives assumes everyone does. Since your ow couldn't care less about your daughter, she assumes you feel the same for her child.

You want contact? You keep the strength up and while you are in the middle of ironing out the way it will be, make sure her irrationality is solidly noted. Keep good records and notes on what is going on. Eventually, at some point, the judge or official in control of this situation will hit her hard.

You need to keep being the happy, secure loving person you are.

Lynn, I will not change. I am a stronger person for my belief's and dont plan on changing them. I dont understand the wanting to try and hurt someone? KWIM. I am praying for her and maybe its a harmone thing, dont know, maybe she is changing her mind, dont know. Dont know if she went for my D knowing that I am not going to put my D in the middle of all this? I dont know. I do know that god prevales no matter what or who he is up against. My faith makes me the way I am, for that I am greatful. I just dont want to start off the new year w/ the same OLD crap-o-la. I think the kids deserve more than that, so do we all.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny sorry it took so long to reply, but we went out of town for Thanksgiving to family house.

I can honestly tell you that your heart is in the right place. I can also say you have to look out for your D's interest too. Don't let her get hurt through this. If ow does not realize how lucky A is to have his sister and (you and h) as well that is her problem. Your right it's a hard situation for everyone but if you want it to work (and all prove to be adults) it can. You have a lot of faith which is more than a lot of peopele going through "anything" have and I've seen your faith bring things together for you guys. Don't loose that faith. I lost mine for awhile and it was not until I got it back that things started going in the right direction (I mean everything not just oc) for me again. The best thing you can do for ow is pray for her. I need to follow in your footsteps over things. Hang in there Sunny. You've proven the person and family you have and are and things will work out. Your a strong woman. You've done things right too. It's just the way it is. Either she accept it (ow does) or not. It's going to be her child's loss and I hope that does not happen. I'm thinking of you.

Sunny,

Well? Are things getting smoother? I hope so for you and your family. I think that since you have done such a good job with all the legal details, that your ow is just freaking out at the reality of her situation. I think that just as you had to work out your life, she too has to work our hers.

Anyway, don't waste energy on her and her problem. You just focus on you and your family, oc included. Her problems should be none of your concern. Just ignore her outburts and her games and manipulations. You have laywers hammering out the details, so follow the law to the letter and go and live your life!

I would be that none of this is turning out the way she wanted it too. She is probably overwhelmed at having a baby, alone. She probably is threatened right now by your family unit. But that is the reality of her situation. Her piece of the hurt pie!!

As for your daughter, keep a sharp eye! Her confusion and her unease with oc is probably normal. It is not like you were pregnant and this was all a wonderful and welcome event, it came with tension and angst. She knows that. I think kids are far more intelligent then we give them credit for. I believe in talking everything out. So far it works well for us. 11 is a tough age though.

When our daughter (oldest) was a teen and the whole situaiton was very clear to her, she really acted out against her dad. I think it is an age thing, as teens can be terribly judgemental, know it alls!! You have a few years to get all of this adjusted and running smooth!

I think that you are a wonderful woman. I think your daughter will be one too! Time. Take your time. But remember, that ow problems are not yours to solve or handle. You have done your job. You have handled your problems. You have your daughter to raise, and an oc to help raise. Her problems should not concern you.....unless you feel she is a danger to the oc.

Our ow was never a danger to the oc, no matter how irrational she became, or how intrusive she tried to be. Maybe your ow hates the idea of realizing she has to share her child?

Funny thing. Our ow practically begged for contact. I have a feeling that had we done just that, she would have been upset too. She just wanted to keep "control". Well, my ow has total control and was pissed about it. Yours has what many ow say they want, and she is pissed about it. I think that she is realzing what I have stated all along. Once the baby is born, the legalities taken care of (contact or not) she has no say in anything. She can't tell your husband and you that you can't spend time with the baby. That is awful young to have to share, BUT, HE IS THE FATHER and has just as much right to that child as she does. And from the sounds of it, YOUR home is far more stable then hers. I think she is realzing just what a slipery slope she is on. She has no control at all. For 9 months she had the birth and the "victory" in court for child support. She never thought of the flip side. The side where you and your husband have control. You get to have that baby, without her around, and she can't do a thing about it, as he is the father. You get to have holidays too, and family photos and all, and she is not part of it. That would be awful.

But you keep a sharp eye on that beautiful daughter of yours. She is probably hurting a bit, and maybe even a bit embarrassed by it all. 11 is young, but they learn so much so early these days.


Time dear. Time will heal all wounds...and none of these are serious or fatal to anyone!

Thanks Lynn, things are getting interesting to say the least. We did get the papers back from her and they where as expected. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Ask for the moon and end up w/ the swamp land she created for herself. This is a self inflected pain she has caused herself and for that I am sorry for her. But my concern is for A to be apart of our life and my family to continue to grow stronger. Legally we have the right to our peace and the right to share our lives w/ A. My friend that is the attorney almost choked on her coffee this morning reading the crap-o-la she thinks is fair and right for A. Is it fair to spend 24 hours a MOUNTH w/ us? Daycare worker gets 40 a week? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Its so amazing how stupid,anger, envy, and hate will make you look. I will continue to ENJOY my family and ENJOY my life. We will have to turn everything over to our attorney now and he will take it from here. We did try and we will continue to fight for our rights as a family. Oh and she didn't win C/S. We offered and we have given it to her. We have also paid medical bills and he is covered by my insurance 100%. This only proves we are out for his best interest. Records people! Keep them and keep them good. Every little thing, stunt ect. My H was really surprised to see the log I had and the tit for tat, we could go at it, but who would it benefit? A (OC)or B,(BC) and us. Keep up the prayers we are going to need it, it looks like. But like I have said in the past God will prevail and therefore so will we.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Oh sunny,

I know that God is watching over you because you are truly one of his sheep. You are the one of the most kind hearted people that I think I have seen in a long time. Keep praying and everything will turn out for your good. I agree with you keep records of it all. Don't let anything out of your site.

Please keep up the good work and remember that I am praying for you. A has the best stepmom he or anyone else could ever hope for. Why can't his mom see that and move on with her life. I am amazed at the love you have for him.

gotta go now - at work, but I will check on you later on.

Love ya lots,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well finally! The papers are all done. To be typed up and signed by first of next week. Whew, I think we are getting closer. Just wanted everyone to know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And the OW isn't really getting any better. Its a case where someone is letting their attidude, anger, envy, control their actions. Sad isn't it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I guess now maybe will open the door back to his room. He shut it a couple of weeks ago, and I asked why, he said it was not being used no sence in having it opened. We are getting him Sunday and its been about 3 weeks so I am excited to see how much our little guy has changed. Thanks and keep up the prayers, they do work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

that is really good news, hope your visit goes really well.

Sunny,

Hi, how are you? I am wishing you the best on your visit!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I know you will be glad when all of this is finalized so you can get back to the loving family you are trying to preserve. Andrew is going to grow up knowing exactly who loves him because you will be showing him all the time. so don't worry about her little tactics, children know - they sense it!! They have some sort of RADAR! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You will make his life just as your signature name says - "SUNNY"!!

Love ya lots,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sunny it's going to work out. You started fair to begin with so you and H are the ones that will prevail. It's about A not the adults and that's just the laws of our states. It's in his best interest to have a relationship with you and your family. You deserve more than 24 hours a month as well. So hang on, it will smooth out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sunnydale:
We are getting him Sunday and its been about 3 weeks so I am excited to see how much our little guy has changed. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sunny my girl !!! If you work this visit correctly (as I am certain you will) this will likely strengthen your bond with your husband. This can work for your marriage with the right attitude between you and your H.

A common cause ... loving that baby boy.
And, sadly, a common opponent... a crazed OW/Mom with no legal leg to stand on. ~sigh~

I feel sorry for her, I really do. There is no happy-land where she sits.

YOU share her beautiful child... OW no longer shares your beautiful husband. You enjoy the love of both your husband and his child, OW does not... and I suspect THAT is what is pissing her off !

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You enjoy the love of both your husband and his child, OW does not... and I suspect THAT is what is pissing her off !
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here, here!!!!! (raising my Diet DP in toast) I second that and add that your graciousness probably is the cherry to top it all off!

(((((SD)))))

Well she can just get over it. She made me his step mom and I am excepting it by staying and working on my M. So thats all there is. I mean she can pull and stomp all she wants but it still not changing the fact of what my life is and always will be. I really feel sorry for anyone not able to get over the anger and stuff. But I have to do what is in my heart and soul. Its not easy by NO MEANS and this C thing I will admit is a bit harder than I dreamed it would be. But I find my life filling up w/ other issues besides the OW. And I think that is a sign of the normal is on its way back. KWIM?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny!

How DARE you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> be so determined to live a happy life married to your dear husband while OW is so miserable! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ....

Don't you understand you were supposed to "move over" and vacate the spot next to your H in life???

You are soooo not following the plan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

I know pep and I am so sorry. KWIM. LOL I am going back and forth now though I really am ready to move on w/ my life w/ my H and D for the most part. I have gotten to where the ow doesn't deserve anymore of my mind, feelings or time. My feeling & time deserve better. Maybe that is not the total christian way, but you cant help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves. Just like drugs or any other addiction. Hate is addicting and I am trying my best to not to catch it. Its hard when you are doing contact and I know alot of people told me so. So ya'll can get in line and tell me again. But nothing is going to bring me down w/ the support group I have. KT-read your SxF and I maybe able to tell you. Don't know right now. But thanks!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny you have a gracious heart and let me tell you from an xow. When something like this happens anyway that it goes is the chance. Just like husband/mm can't have his cake and eat it too, neither can ow/xow. She should be so lucky to have you in her life for her son! It could be a whole lot worse! The baby is still young and you never know what is going to happen. I know it's not fair, but your doing a great job! All you can do is pray that she see what is best for her son. And by the way your allowed to feel how you feel.........after all it was NOT YOU that died on the cross for everyone else. He died so you can be human. It's what you do with what you've got and you've shown some total christain ways SunnyD!!!!