hi everyone - I haven't been on in a while cuz Sunny has been giving me some great private therapy via emails and lunches! You guys that speak so highly of her are SOOOOO right about her faith and great insight on how to deal with all this. My H should thank her that I haven't given up yet! My situation is very new still, the OW is due in June. My H and our relationship has been up and down. Last week he threw out the D word and I called his bluff and mentioned some Plan B stuff. Now he has been very attentive except for one fight yesterday when I was being a real B. I always wait for the inevitable being mean and distant again from him though since it seems he only goes about 4 days acting right lately. How do you guys feel about the H talking to the pregnant OW? It bothers me cuz I know what she wants - she wants to convince him to be with her, yada yada. I know he doesn't want to be with her even if we get a D. But I am asking why do they have to talk? And why can't he understand that I don't like it?

Hey friend of mine! Hope work isn't driving you nuts!

I know that the calls from/to the OW are at best a pain! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He needs to be honest w/ you. And he needs to be working on your M! Its a long way off to think about the OC. There will be time for that. Please look at the Plan A & B. Are you continueing with the GREATEST Plan A EVER! Thats what you should be working on. Pick your battles, and try and keep up a Plan A.
Plan A & B
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

I am trying SOOOOOO hard but he makes it so much harder!!! Our MC said one day a week we should sit down and discuss when/why he talked to her. He says he doesn't want to abandon this child but I am like the baby isn't even here yet so WHY do you have to talk to her and pay her stupid dcotor co-pay? She is not poor, she has no bills at all. Meanwhile we have to rely on his mother to buy our son's Santa stuff cuz we can't afford it cuz he won't get a second job that is 'below' him. I am just very very close to the edge here...

MiM, that would mean he is putting her and her child's needs above you and your/his son. This can't be OK w/ you I know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> What are your views on plan B? If he cant see he is putting thier needs first, then that is not working on your M. He shouldn't be talking. payine nothing. What if the kid is not his? Then what? Does he think she is going to pay him back? Heck no she wont! It will never happen. I think she is sucking him in, like we talked about b-4. Is there anyway you think you can do a Plan B? We are here for you, keep talking and posting. Lynn, KT and the others have really good insight on this also.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

She is not poor, she has no bills at all. Meanwhile we have to rely on his mother to buy our son's Santa stuff cuz we can't afford it cuz he won't get a second job that is 'below' him. I am just very very close to the edge here...

I'm sorry but I'm a bit confused. Is it the fact that she doesn't have any bills because she can afford to pay them herself?!?!? I think that is what I am getting out of the above statement.

I'm sorry to hear about the financial constraints especially so close to Christmas. Do you know what exactly is your husband trying to do? I can see how you are looking at it. If you barely can afford to live yourself, then how can he see fit to help pay for her pregnancy? But on the other hand, maybe he is trying not to get caught with a large court judgment after the baby is here. Some women do sue to recoup pregnancy expenses and medical bills and sometimes these judgment runs into thousands of dollars. So maybe he has this as his plan and hasn't been great at communicating this to you.

But I do think you need to sit down with him and start to work some of these details out. Its never too early to consult a lawyer but the trick is to be able to afford a good one.

oh welcoem MIM/WWTD:

Yah, your H is NOT beign sensitive to your needs & safety. YOur financial security is @ risk here as well as your marraige.

Yes, it IS possible thsi OC is NOT his. THere is always that possiblity. HE is NOT responsible for her doctor bills.

I think you should have a stright talk to him & whatever hsi response is determines if you move into plan B.

Hello....His own child who is alive & well, he is neglecting for one that is not even born & he really does not know if it is his. I am NOT implying that unborn babies are of less value than living ones. JFTR Just trying to prove a point about where his priorities ARE & where they should BE! kwim?

Talk to him, present yoru point & take it from there. BE cool, calm & collected! HAve your plan B in place & ready & there you gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! THe choice is HIS.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
KT

thanks everyone...the OW is only 22 and lives with her grandfather, so all she pays is a car note/insurance. And as far as my H being scared of a lawsuit, he is not that smart (not to be ugly but he just wouldn't think of that!) Anyways, my H left me a note today basically saying he is suicidal. I am sure it is a bluff to try and lure me back in after I showed him a separation agreement/Semi-Plan B start letter. I don't believe he will hurt himself, but I am going to call his personal C and tell her to ask him about it. Before I saw this note, I had typed him a better Plan B letter (sunnyD I will send it to you tomorrow)at work basically saying what you all said about neglecting me and our boy for this girl and his selfish habits. I also said that I can't let him break me, and I want him to be better because I am not only his wife but his friend and I care about him not being this way for the rest of his life. I also said that there is no way I can get comfortable with this OC situation if I can't even be sure he will be there to support me emotionally or financially and not take the OW words over mine. Plus he still hasn't moved home, which at this point it is just not acceptable. If he truly wanted to work on this, he would be home. KT there is no straight talking with him. It always turns into "poor me" crap from him. He has serious issues that I can't fix for him...all I feel is left is Plan B and hope for the best. It is so hard, ladies...how do you all deal with this??? I have literally bitten a hole in my lip to keep myself from crying every day at work...