H has been back for a month an a half now after living with OW for 6 months and almost three moths alone.
Instead of working on us, he has been working on establishing a relationship with OC (5 months old).
After two weeks of NC, they started talking on the phone again. Everyday, three, four times per day. He said that they were just talking about OC.
He does not want to go to a lawyer/court to make CS and visitations legal, so basically, whenever OW wants him to see the OC, he goes running.
He wants to do things his way.

Two weeks ago, we went to counseling together. It was good and bad. Counselor told him that he is not prepared to work on our M, that he needs to do IC to clear his mind and make a decision because what he was doing was not fair for me, daughter, OW and OC. That he needed to understand that if he wanted our M to work, he could not have daily contact with OW and OC. He called last Wednesday to get IC. He is supposed to call today to make an appointment.

Then on Thanksgiving, she called him and invited him to be with her, OC and her family. Even when I asked him not to go (not in a LB way) he said he was going to go because he wanted to be with OC on his first Thanksgiving. That I should not beworried because he was not having any relationship with her. By the time he got to our friends house where I was, dinner was over. I felt very depressed and told him how I felt. But I feel like he does not listen to me.

What should I do? Should I do Plan A. I never did, because I asked him out of the house in February. It was later that I found MB.
Should I wait patiently for him to 'clear' his mind and make a decision?

Right now I just feel like giving up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

With all the time that has passed, I think it is time to do a few things.

I would demand, as a part of reconciliation that all things be done LEGALLY. By not having established CS, any $$ sent can be considered a gift and your family finances are at jeopardy here.

I would seriously consider his actions to be completely rude, selfish and cruel. He is either in or out. I think I would bring this up IMMEIATELY with the counselor.

CALMLY tell him that his behavior on TG was unacceptable and that his actions are hurting you greatly. He is still living on the fence.

Do you have children? If so I would head to an attorney, file for a legal separation and get child support in place NOW. If he gets upset CALMLY tell him that his actions are not showing any respect for you, your marriage or your family and that you have to protect your childrens future. You do not have to yell or nag at him. Just be plain and matter of fact.

I would consider a Plan A, but a very short period of time. Maybe a month. Then I would pack his bags, and go to Plan B. He is treating you horribly.

With that said, I would see to it that you get into that counselor THIS WEEK and bring this issue up. He needs to grow up. I wouldn't let this one slide in a Plan A mode at all.

Why did he come home? What were your negotiated points? If you agreed to allow him home, as long as he had no contact with ow, he should be held to that.

LynnG,
Thanks for your message.

I did tell him that TG actions really hurt me. He just said - I know.

We have a 14 month old girl. I went to a lawyer after he left on February and we got divorced on May. But all that time he was saying he wanted to come back.
When he finally did, we talked. He agreed to work on us first, then on OC's relationship. He said he would do anything necessarily to regain my trust.

At the counselor he said that even when we were divorced, he never felt that that was the case. That for him we were still married and he wanted to work on us.

I've asked him a lot of times, why did he came back. So far nothing has been done from his part. He says that he wants to be with me, that he does not want to lose our daughter but that he needs his time. How selfish, huh?
A lot of talk but no actions. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I know what he is going to say ... he'll say that he'll go to the counselor, that I should not harrass him on that. That he needs to do things on his own.

Right now, I'm ready to ask him to leave. I don't want to spend the holidays the same way as Thanksgiving. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.