Hi Friends,

I'm in great need of some advice.
I don't know if you've read my first introductory
thread, but i'll give a synopsis.
Married for 8 years.
No children together.
My D-Day was Oct. 15, 2004
My H had an A with a co-worker.
Said it only happen once.
She became pregnant and decided to keep the OC.
Birth of OC was May 11, 2004.
Has taken him to court for CS.
As of now we have NC.

My dilemma is this, my H and I always wanted children together and were trying to wait until the right time because we wanted make sure we had our house and everything in place, you know...do things the right way and then the A happens with OC in tow. I was most dissappointed because I feel like the experience of having his child as his wife was stolen from me by OW and she knew we had no children together. By the way I'm 37, my H is 38 and OW is 25. He asked her to get an abortion but she refused. She lives with her parents so the entire family became involved wanting to know who the father was and she tells them it's a co-worker and the family wants to see my H. OW tells my H to not tell them he's married.
My H says no and when the family finds out he's married they also try to convince her to get an abortion and all along my H is telling them this was a mistake and I'm not leaving my wife. OW still decides to keep the OC against the wishes of her family and my H. So the family tries to make the best of the situation and tells my H that he could at least be there for her during the baby shower and delivery of the OC. While in the hospital for delivery of OC the family comes together and tells my H that he must sign the birth certificate and he does. OW's seems to come from a close knit old fashioned , because like I told my H " what they were doing was some serious DAMAGE CONTROL as to not make OC look like a WH*RE to other family and friends. My H even told me how the family made an appointment with their priest for my H and OW to have a christening. My H says that is where he drew the line and told family he was only trying not to be the bad guy in this situation and that he'd already caused himself enough trouble.

I'm sorry friends my computer shut down, but I'll
continue the story.

So my H Drew the line when the family started bringing priests and ceremonies into the picture and that's when he confessed this fiasco to me. He says he has no loving feelings towards her and that it was just one night and that he never wanted children with anyone but me. I do believe that and I watch him kick himself just about every other day for it. We have NC with OC yet.
I love children and I do want my H to have quality time with OC. I'm angry at my H but I'm also angry at OW because she knew he was married. I spoke to OW the night my H told me and just to see what she would say I asked her " Didn't you know he was married? " just to see what she would say. Of course she said no.I recognized her voice as the receptionist at his company and I was right. I always call me H's job and she would be the one transferring me to him and a couple of times she's even asked " May I ask who's calling"
and I would say of course " His wife " so she did know about me. I can eventually get over her having a fling with my H but having babies is another story. I believe she thought he would leave me for her. After OC was born my H was giving OW money out of every paycheck for the child (This is B4 I knew about the situation)and when my H didn't show up for the christening she filed papers for CS. That's basically where we stand right now. The court date is set for Dec. 10,2004.

My dilemma is this, my H has been saying he wants us to start trying to have a child. I do want a child by my H, it's something I've waited for my whole life but there's a piece of me that thinks he thinks it will make us more happy together but I gotta say the thought of having a child has lost it's luster for me right now and it's not like I've got a whole lot of time to do this remember I'm 38. My H knows my cycle like clockwork so he knows my fertile time which is when I usually refrain from him because I know the day I'm ovulating. He's proposing that we try now but I'm so confused and angry right now. It just eats away at me that OW stole an experience that married people should be able to share and turned it into something she thought she could use as a tool. I mean why else would she have a baby by a MM. I don't know what to do.
HELP, HELP, HELP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

((Tan))

I see no reason for you to let this OW ruin your dreams. If your H and you have built your marriage back up why not have a child.

I think you are giving Xow to much power in your life. Move on with your life, have the child that you and your H want, a child together.

So sorry to hear of your situation. It will get better with time and communication. But my personal advice would to not try to have a baby at this time. Give yourself and your H some time together to heal and rebuild a more stable M before you introduce a new baby into the mix. A lot of women both BW and OW feel that having a child automatically brings you closer together and strengths the relationship. That burden should not be put on a child's shoulders.
I fight the urge for another child myself because I know that we are not ready to give a new baby the start he/she deserves and my family is still healing from the A. You are still angry and rightly so, please don't bring a baby into that situation deliberately. I know thats hard to hear.
I also feel that if your H hasn't had contact with the OC yet then he should not begin it until after you have a child with him, however long that could take. He owes you that much to experience all the "firsts" together with your own child and not him with out you and with the OW. That is if he even wants contact with OC. Just my two cents on that. I hope you will think about what I said.