My husband and I are a military family currently overseas. We are scheduled to return state side in 2006. He is planning to stay in the service for a full twenty years and make it a caree. The OC is currently 2 and so we'll be a service family for most of his child rearing. As of yet w have no legal custody or visitation rights to OC. The other woman stays in the states. Being a military family we know that we will move around a lot. We wanted to know if under theses cercumstances we should try and get some type of custody of the OC? We honestly would love to have full custody, however we really beleive that full custody for either parent isn't whats best for the child. The OW is single and lives in her family home, w/ no job and is supported only by our child support. She is a good parent but honestly we are concerned with her ability to provide for him. We need advice about possible solutions to child custody. Should we ever try to bring him over seas now? Any help we'd appreciate it.

Cali,

I suppose there would be some important issues that would need to be addressed. 1) How many courts would feel comfortable sending such a young child overseas for visitation? Some don't even allow full overnights until ages 3 much less traveling. 2) If the OC is allowed to travel, s/he can't do it alone so will OW have to accompany child? If so, you will probably be held financially responsible for the transportation of both and the lodging of her. 3)If you get joint custody and visitation and don't exercise it until you return stateside, are you ready to assume the cost of all said visitations from OC since its your family that is always on the move.

Just some points for you to think about.

We realize that is oc comes to visit we would need to get him or pay for a family member to bring him. We are not comfortable w/ ow coming to bring child or paying for her accomodations. even though we are the ones that will be moving those are facts she was well aware of before she had the oc. So We kind of feel like she should pay part of those travel expenses too because she willinging had the child and wanted us to have contact w/ him. Our lifestyle hasn't changed from the beginning. As for his young age and coming over here ther are many little children that reside here that are just find. Now I don't honestly know how many are just visiting but I don know many families frequently go back to the states to see family and vacation those chidren deal w/ the travel and i wouldn't think this would be too different.

From what I've seen, courts say visitation transportation is paid for by the parent who left the area; if it's not clear cut who left who, they might share the expense. Active duty usually pay transportation costs b/c they are the ones moving around.

See other thread for the rest.
J

We realize that is oc comes to visit we would need to get him or pay for a family member to bring him. We are not comfortable w/ ow coming to bring child or paying for her accomodations.

Then I would probably advise you to not count on visitation until you return stateside because the courts are probably not going to allow the traveling without the mother UNLESS she agrees. And I would think most mothers would think twice about letting their small child travel to another country without them.

But your best bet is always to check with an attorney.

So We kind of feel like she should pay part of those travel expenses too because she willinging had the child and wanted us to have contact w/ him.

Now I stay in a city that is full of military personnel so I have many family and friends who are in the same situation. In most cases, its the non custodial military parent that pays the transportation expenses since they are the ones that are constantly moving. One of my uncles didn't get to see his son for almost 7 years because his duties took him all over Europe and his ex wouldn't agree to help pay for any visits. He set up a court date in which his attorney fought for his side and the court sided with the mother. If he couldn't afford to come home and see him, then she didn't have to pay or even send him across seas for visitation.

I guess this situation isn't in our favor. It's really unfortunate. Maybe we shouldn't try to push for more time or custody. At times it makes me so upset then I realize that had my H stayed home where he should have been we wouldn't even be going through this. Thanks for all the advise and real life situations.