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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 18 |
I am really having a hard time with all this. What i am thinking about right now is "How could he sleep with this ow and wake up with her and not have enough remorse to not do it again?" He knew what the consequences would be even be4 the whole baby thing was in the picture. so why would i want to stay with a man who is that selfish. who was only thinking about pleasing himself? i need some advice or guidance.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
I'm sorry, I dont know your story? How long have you been married? Any kids? I can tell you why *I* wanted to stay with my WH at the beginning...because we had built a whole life toghether, we have 3 beautiful little boys together we HAD a future together...we were supposed to grow old together...
Think back to the day before D-Day...you probably said to yourself and even to your spouse..."if you ever cheated on me, that would be it...we would be DONE" Right! Well, now look at you! You love your WH despite what he has done! I dont know anything about your situation, but just wanted to give some thoughts on WHY we stay despite the betrayal! I'll see if I can look up some of your posts!
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316 |
D&O
Read everything you can on the marriage builders site. Sunny D, has a welcome site and other info to point you too. I can only share with you what worked and is working for me. Don't obsess with it. Make you mind go elsewhere - somewhere nice. Get exercise. Those WS are in a fog, so don't expect normal behavior out of them. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and all else will fall into place. Now mind you, it isn't perfect for me and I have bad days too. I don't want to make it sound like I've got it all together all of the time, because I certainly don't. Lost it tonight a bit. Focus as much as you can on the good things and there are good things. You are alive, the alternative isn't so great.
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,430
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,430 |
downandout, Go to http://www.affairs-help.com/and click on "types of affairs". There's even a "self-assessment" questionaire for what type it is/was. I found this very helpful. My H is "conflict avoider" who had A to avoid open conflict w/me (passive-aggressive), didn't want to continue A but couldn't get OUT without conflict w/xow---DUH. He was SOOO miserable. His xow was having an "exit affair" from her marriage. Be extra gentle with yourself at this rotten time. And if your H IS remorseful, in the long run he will feel worse than you do. I'm so glad that guilt is not mine!!! J
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