Hello everyone,

I've been at this site retriving information several times but this is my first post. I need help. Is there anyone out there who has had success at reconciling their marriage where a child from an affair is involved?

I am the straying spouse and I want to work through this but my spouse does not although they are attending counseling sessions, talking with our pastor together, and still spending time together.

God has opened my eyes to all that I have done wrong over the years (25) and he kept us together through all that. Now that all this has happened and I have faced my demonds my spouse feels that it time him to leave the marriage. I feel just the oposite because I now see that I have been wrong and God has/is changing my life.

I know that the ball is in his court as far as him divorcing me and he is somewhat determined to do just that. People around him are either indifferent or supporting him in divorcing. Satan has his troops in place and for the most part, Saints are not speaking up as far as reconciling the. They are praying for us but they do not get verbally involved because they feel this is a personal matter, Satans troops are speaking their opinion loudly. If you have been or if you are in this situation please pass on some advise as to how to substain my marriage.

I havve found Christ and he is telling me to work this through and allow him to lead the way. I have express this to my spouse and he knows that we have not jointly allowed God into our marriage. I know that God can lead us through this if we allow him to do just that.

At this time, he is still here and communications are ongoing. He says he wants to leave but I know in his heart that if I can do what I've said I now want to do we can overcome this. I just don't have anyone to help change his mind about divorcing. Praying is a must but verbal comfirmation and support is also important.

My faith in God and what I've been told by him is what I'm clinging onto.

Please overlook my spelling, grammer, and such. I have to get back to work and I;m rushing.

Kathy,

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

It is great that you have renewed your relationship with God, but you have to accept the reality that your BH [betrayed husband] may be suspicious about you 'finding religion' after your affair and subsequent pregnancy from your OM [other man]. So don't expect him to recommit to the marriage soon. His Giver and Taker are in a monumental struggle for power. His Giver is the side that puts everybody elses best interests first to the point of sacrificing his very own. His Taker is the side that puts his best interests first to the point of sacrificing everybody elses. This struggle between these two opposing forces has made him become an unwilling rider in a brutal ER [emotional rollercoaster] that he can't get off at anytime soon. The best thing you can do to help him establish a truce between these two conflicting sides [and help bring the ER to a complete stop] is to not put any pressure on him to continue being married to you. If he tells you he wants a divorce, acknowledge his statement [acknowledgement is not condoning his words]. Your attitude should be one of humility that accepts that his personal recovery [as well as the marriage's] is a one day at a time processs that cannot and should not be rushed. Don't kid yourself, you have to be willing to have plenty of patience and understanding if you have any hope of rebuilding your marriage.

There is an old timer BH whose FWW [former wayward wife] had an affair and gave birth to an OC [other child]. He reconciled with her and is raising the OC as his own. His user name is K and you may want to change the title of your thread from 'HELP' to something along the lines of 'K, and other BH with an OC, please help' . He doesn't post much but he lurks in the infidelity pregnancy and general questions II forums and posts when there are people who are in the situation he and his FWW were in a few years ago.

Lastly God won't force his will upon your BH and soften his heart, but he can certainly act through you if you humbly allow him to work through your mind, body and soul.

TMCM

<small>[ December 12, 2004, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>