Hi friends,

Went to the court date on Friday. It was just like most of you described. She was nothing like I thought she would be. I was looking to see this gorgeous woman. I could'nt believe it. She was dumpy and plain. My H and I sat in the waiting room and he taps me and says " there she is, that's her". I was calm,cool and reserved and never looked back. Then they were called into the court room. My H had all of our bills for monthly expenses and our M license. When they came out my H came over to me and started to tell me what happen and it turns out that this hearing was'nt to regulate the CS amount it was for the paternity test. He said the judge announced this and OW says " I don't see why there's any need for a paternity test, his wife is asking for it" My H said when the judge heard that he saw what the situation was (The A ) he then immediately said to OW " I don't see why you're opposed to this,I order the paternity test to be done while the OC is still under a year old. Then the judge tells my H to file for a court date for " income adjustment " . So while my H is explaining all of this to me OW comes over by where we are sitting and says to my H " So you're really gonna file? " my H says " yes I am , because I'm paying you CS and the courts have not seen my financial information and monthly expenses" . OW starts screaming " I have to miss another two days of work for the paternity test and the new court date" and my H goes " Yup". Of course I'm sitting reserved and quiet looking at the both of them arguing in amazement that I'm watching OW argue with my H. Then she looks at me and says " I'm sorry for yelling but I can't miss all these days from work" I had no response, but my H did,he said
" You started the ball rolling with this court stuff, let's keep it rolling" then she proceeds to come and sit down by me saying she wanted to talk to me. My H jumped up and told her " Get the H*ll away from my W and then he went into the hallway and asked a court officer to tell her to move away from me. Of course at this point everyone in the waiting room is looking. The court officer makes OW move to another seat and as OW's walking away she looks back and says " He just doesn't want you to know the truth " and then she looks at my H and says " You'll never see OC again " and my H says " Yes I will, my W and I will be filing for joint custody so get ready". OW is seated across the room and starts crying. My H AND I get our coats and start to leave and OW starts to walk out behind us and the court officer makes her stand with him and wait until we're out of the court building. When me and H get outside he goes to the parking lot to get our car so I'm standing in front of the court building having a ciggy while I wait and guess who comes out with the court officer...OW. The court officer looks apprehensive but I tell him it's OK and he goes back inside. I look at OW and
say O.K. speak what's the " TRUTH ". Everything OW said my H had already told me(thank god H left out no details) and then OW says " He told me he would leave you to take care of OC " that's when I looked at OW and said " At which point did it dawn on you that my H was not leaving me? was it throughout your entire pregnancy or after <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> You are just as responsible for this situation as my H is because you knew he was married and you even spoke to me athis job, so don't look for sympathy from me. You thought that keeping this baby would make my H leave me for you and it did'nt work". OW starts apologizing to me and my H drives up and starts beeping the horn and I go get into the car with my H and drive off. All I can say was it was something I never thought I would ever go through. It was interesting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

TAN, you handled yourself beautifully. Be proud.

Thanks faithful,

It took everything I had within me to do it but I'm glad I did!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Awesome "women" usally do, do great! Glad that step is over for you the next will be even easier! Congrads!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

You did great. The calmer and more collected you are, the more furious OW will get.
Isn't it weird/interesting to see how they fight? It takes the 'fantasy' and 'glamour' out of the A ...

Thanks Sunny,

I really do look up to you gals. I would have never been able to get thru that without everyone's advice. I promise to give updates <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hey Mily,

You're right it does. It was wild watching them argue. You should have seen me sitting down with my legs crossed and arm across the back of the bench looking at them argue. It looked like I was watching a tennis match <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know the other people in the waiting room with us were cracking up looking at how cool I was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tan... you PROVED just why our guys THINK they want these nuts.. and THEN they peel back one layer at a time.. and realize they had a respectable and cool chick all along- but did not appreciate it until inevitably (the oh so peeerfect) OW begins to show her true colors !!! Thats real ghetto to scream in the hall like that. You did sooo very good at letting her know her world and yours have nothing in common. Like you cared not of her very existence.

I knew that would get the xow in our past--- I laughed at her and mocked her stupid childish crap - it drove her MAD!! ha!

Oh and I NEVER, EVER entertained even the idea of going to court-- HECKS NO - One wrong word- or ANY word to me or to my H and - well- I don't know but I would NOT trust me... I am NOT so nice when backed into a corner- (and no one is looking) LOL!!!!!

I've never come face to face with xow and our little bit of distance, Lord willing, will keep it that way 4-EVER! I don't want to see her nasty face in my nighmares and got the "important" dirt from a couple family members about her. They let me know with choice words - of how my self esteem would not be damaged if I saw her. LOL!!!! Looks arent everything-- but they SURE ARE A HECK OF A LOT when you are dealing w/an OW in your marriage! Can I get an AMEN from anyone who knows this fact??!!!!!!!

Keep us posted on the baby-mamma-drama that we HOPE AND PRAY diminishes with time!

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

WAY TO GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way to show YOUR class!

I;m so proud of you.

yah gio---looks? OW didn't have much to show for it! She had BRACES when I met her! talk about LOL!!!!!!!!

Good job of H to tell you EVERYTHING...even if it was painful----it goes towards a LOT when you are prepared for OW rantings & ravings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My OW just flat out made stuff up....ridiculous stuff too! I can laugh about it now!!!

Keep up the good work & hold your head HIGH & PROUD!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tan_is_crushed:
My H jumped up and told her " Get the H*ll away from my W and then he went into the hallway and asked a court officer to tell her to move away from me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This bit was absolutely my favorite.

ALWAYS show a team approach ... and you will never regret it.

Loads of admiration for you and hubby.

Pep

That ow must have been sick. Imagine, going to court, thinking all was to be her way....only to be told that there would be a dna test (and I know nurses, and they DO talk about those who need them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) Then to have the judge mock her. The best is when the husband tells her to get away from his wife...

What is amazing is how some ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) ow will play this out in their mind. How he misses them and loves them and yada yada yada <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Keep up the class! I'm sure your husband will make this up to you! Let him hold you while you sleep.....she will be frothing at the mouth knowing that her baby has a stepmom and she can't do a thing.

Keep up the good behavior....the judge WILL HAVE HEARD of the incident. These things are noted!!


Kudos

Congrats! I know it must have been hard to hold your emotions in but you did it! It's amazing how desperate ow's came become when they realize that they didn't win your H. They seem to lash out and cause trouble, any attempt to make you want to quit or feel pain. I told my H ow there's a reason he put the rock on my finger instead of yours and no matter whether you've got his c or not I'm the one he desires and wants to be with. I also wanted to say thanks for telling your story because it gives strength to others, who unfortunately will end up going through the same thing. Again, Great job and good luck in court.

Thanks Friends,

Thank-you so much for the support you've given me.
I know I still have a long way to go with the issues ahead that I'll have to face, but I am so much more confident now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


" AND THE SAGA CONTINUES ONE DAY AT A TIME "

Reading this thread totally cracks me up and makes me smile!! Congrats to you tan for going not only for H but more important for yourself. I reluctantly met ow for first time two months ago, so glad I did it. When I saw her I told H I didn't know if I should be embarassed or happy. Now knowing what she looks like has helped me tremendously, it has totally erased my fears of A sitll going on, although it didn't help the fact The A happened, but it did alleviate some anxiety. Way to go girl!


Yelo

TAn,

I am proud of you girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You let her show her real colors!! It will only get worse her behavior I mean, but keep your head up and hold out for the best. I am glad that your H was so pro marriage in front of her.


whew, the first one is rough, but now you know what to expect from her in the future!!


JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi friends, Went to the court date on Friday. It was just like most of you described. She was nothing like I thought she would be. I was looking to see this gorgeous woman. I could'nt believe it. She was dumpy and plain. My H and I sat in the waiting room and he taps me and says " there she is, that's her". I was calm,cool and reserved </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know lady, I read this and you brought me back to my very first meeting with OW. It was also in court. I like you was also in shock, thinking this woman who is almost 10 years younger than I had to be gorgeous. I was mistaken...When he pointed her out to me I just busted out laughing because it had to be a bad joke. Then I got annoyed...So you hurt me and it wasnt about looks? Is what I thought...

I even took a picture that morning before I left because I wanted to remember the moment. Pretty funny me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ...I was just as calm cool and collected...The only way to be!

Glad it went well for you! Estatic about the way your husband took care of you!

I've been a bit reluctant to repley, but here it goes.

Tan

You did great in court. You showed who the better person is all around. Keep up the good work.

I remember when Xmm took me to court. This is different from just about all situations here, both Xmm and I are married. H went with me. Of course Xmm had his W there. When we were called up, H went also, held the doors open for XMM (he gave a nasty look) then H stood by me in front of the judge. Xmm W seen H up there with me then quickly ran up next to her H. Xmm was the one to take me to court and he lost.

As for looks in the affair, I used to be 60lbs heavier, was that weight when the affair started. I'm just about the total oppisite, personalty wise than the W. When it comes to Xmm, my H looks so much better and then again the pesonalities are so much different.

Some affairs are for looks, some start out as something different and escilate to more.

Boy did I wish I had my head on straigh back then. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

When people scream like that, it usually means that they're frightened to the point of a fight-or-flight reflex reaction. I would guess that OW is (rightly) terrified of the thought of having to raise a child on her own. She's also (again rightly) in a great deal of pain.

That's not to excuse her part in this mess. She has exactly half the responsibility for entering a relationship with a married man. (The other half being your husband's.) That she believed his dishonest statements to her is perhaps the saddest thing, but it's also the most human.

A plain, somewhat dumpy woman who is raising a child by a married man? I suspect she sees a world of pain laid out for her to live with for the rest of her life, and no way to get out of it. While you and your H go on to live happily ever after (from her perspective; she'll never know the pain you've lived with).

Like I said, none of that excuses her, or lessens her responsibility for her actions. I just really hope that she has a good support network of friends and family who can help her get through this very difficult time.

Just J--------WHO CARES?

We are not here to bemoan the plight of any WILLING OW. We are here to offer a 'support network' to BW.

It MIGHT be a painful road for OW---so what?---it IS pain she CHOSE.

BW/BS on the other hand, NEVER had a CHOICE in this.

Oh & BTW: LOTS of OW are left w/ the WONDERFUL blessing of OC, what is BS left w/? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
fractured reality,
shattered dreams,
broken heart,
confused & scared children of her own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yah, a few find a way to live happily ever after. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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Sure I can 'pity' OW sometimes, feel compassion for OW, yes, but I'll be DAMNED if I am gonna feel SORRY for OW or anything like that!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Let OW clean up her OWN mess.

And I don't care how 'scared' (wah wah wah wah wah <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) any OW is: there's a little something called 'self-control', we are ALL capable of using it. So there is no excuse.

I wonder if it was BW who frantically flew off the handle if OW would be so 'understanding'? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yah right!
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I'm sure you meant 'nothing' by your post....only trying to show another POV. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ..but trust me, we BW/BS, have seen enough OTHER POV to last us a life time, I think.

Plus many 'Other POV' promoters post in here enough already!


kt

HERE - HERE!! KT, I agree with you 100% <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
There is no pity for TOW a choice was made no matter how blinded or not blinding it was, they made it. We didn't ask for it, but it occured and we must deal with it accordingly, but SORROW is a LUXURY I will not afford an OW ( that was a willing participate)!! NONE!

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />