Hey ladies,
I need some help. First let me give you a little background on me. H told me about A when he found out about oc, who was nine months at the time. There has been little or no c. Last Christmas he took presents over behind my back and it back fired on him, and I found out. Ow works in his building so there is c with her from time to time, but no visitation with oc, aside from last Christmas. We have been in counseling, who recommended we see oc, to see what happens. Oc birthday was a few weeks later after suggestion, so we sent a card, 07/04, oc turned 3 yrs old. Then in 09/04, I met ow and oc for first time, after counselor suggested again, and H requested, it went well. No c since then or discussion regarding c. We bought presents and H said he ran into ow today and wants to go over and see her and demands I go with him, I flat out said no. He is not accepting this, so I get fine I'll just do it behind your back! That really hurt me, I am having such a hard time dealing with holiday depression right now, and I don't need this. By the way we have three c of our own, 10, 4, and 2 who do not know about oc. We have chose to leave them out, and still would even if we went for c tomorrow. I need help ladies, do I go or what? I just want to pack my bags! He told me ow is in the way, and I am partially in the way also, that I am only thinking of myself, and not his feelings. My response who were you thinking of when you needed five minutes of pleasure? Sorry if there are any typos trying to type fast before he comes in here! Thanks for your help, I can always count on you guys!
Yelo

Yelo,

I think it may be the holidays that is triggering you to feel this way. Especially since he did go behind your back last year. What I dont understand is why buy presents then? It doesnt seem like your 100% sure that you do want C. You have to decide what it is YOU want for YOUR family.

I would accompany him to bring the presents by and just make it clear to him its a dropoff nothing more. However, I would then come home and really think things through. You both seem to be on different pages and this is stressful enough.

((((yelo))))

yelo,

The one thing I think is good....is that he wants you to accompany him....many H's don't....and it's far too easier for the A to resume. But I agree with Sapphire....it doesn't sound as though you're very comfortable with contact. Just because counselors have suggested you try it....doesn't mean it's the right thing for you.

Hmmmmmmmm.THIS would be something to POJA about--definately!!

Yes, my question too, WHY buy the gifts then?

AND H said OW is in the way? SO maybe OW has moved on w/ her life & doesn't want the C either. WHy can't H leave well enough alone?

I can kind of relate since we did not meet OC until she was 4.5 yo. YEs, it opened up a WHOLE can of 'worms', unnecessarily even!
********************
********************
OC doesn't know you, it seems OW does NOT want it, & YOU don't want it.....so why not MAIL the gifts? If H has some desire to finally get to know OC, then why not start corresponding via snail mail & when OC is older, they will probably seek him out, on THIER own terms.

And what is gong on in H right now? WHy does he feel the need to visit OC now?

Yah....noone is thinking of his feelings? Uh...he did enough of htat already. IT's is fiar to think of EVERYBODY else's feelings now.

My oldest was 9.5 yo when we met OC, he lost it.
Your younger two would most likely be very accepting & loving to OC but the older one....might not. IS it worth the risk to upset the entire family? Why now?

And what is up w/ yoru counselor? What is the point of C now? What is H motivation?
********************
********************
I agree w/ sf that it is a good sign that H wants you to go w/ him but his immature response after that, that he will just go behind your back? Come on....what is he in 7th grade?

I think a good POJA session could work here. THere must be a solution that you can BOTH agree to & feel comfortable w/.


ooo
xxx
kt

I am so confused. I think this has all made me realized that I do not want c. My co workers are telling me if I don't have c one day it will all backfire on me. I don't want C! I don't want to deal with any of it, I think H wants to buy gifts because it relieves some guilt off of him, so what? I don't care if he feels guilty, did he feel guilty when he crawled in to her bed? I told him this am that I don't care what he feels, He didn't care about me or my two kids, nor did she care about me or my two kids when A was going on, so why should I care about oc or how he feels. His response, way to have a christian attitude. What kind of repsonse is that? I told him that I didn't want anything to do with this to leave me alone and I don't want to discuss it. Today is our baby's birthday and it really makes me mad that he is trying to force me to go to see oc, of all people on our baby's second birthday, this is her day. Last night his comments were we live five minutes from her and I don't even see her,(oc). My feelings are you saw oc last year at Christmas, when she was two and half, then in September 04 and now wants to, she's 3 1/2 now, does five minutes her and five minutes there, three times in a year, is that healthy for a child? No, she needs him in her life or out, not on the line between, and I don't think I can be apart of that life, as sadly as it sounds, I just can't do it. I don't want to...not for me and especially not for my children's sake. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

KT.....
Our ten year old thinksthe sun rises and sets in her father, he is her everything, she resents her two sisters, because for six years she was hte only child, I can't ever see telling her whta he has done ,and that she has another sibling, I am scared of the impact.
Yelo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Yelo---

You are not alone in your thinking about not being able to have C with OC!! I came here and other sites to only realize that MOST CANNOT AND DO NOT HANDLE C well, if at all. Your heart can be made of gold and still it could tear your marriage apart further and further ....... When I came here initially I was so worried about God judging me for feeling I could not have C with OC... I was sick about it.. I felt MY CHILDREN did NOT and should NOT be involved in this. I felt it was my duty to protect these little innocents who ADORE their father..... from ruining their image of their dad.. their role model! My kids were 12, 10 and 9 when this all came about.. WAY wrong ages for them to cope with this embarassment, this intrution ...

All children are different... see, my kids-- they're completely jealous and selfish with me still at ages 14, 11 and 10. They do NOT want any babies (they always say this!) AND do NOT like me giving too much attention to ANY other child-- heck, they are even jealous of me loving the DOG too much!!!!!!

Your daughter does not HAVE TO HAVE HER LIFE and ADMIRATION for her father stolen from her !!! She will be a real handful when and if she finds out now, I believe that!

Have you taken the position with your husband that you have a duty to protect YOUR CHILDREN from this- and that your daughter(s) can be prevented from feeling this hurt at these tender ages?

The whole idea of having a child in this mess --- well-- seems like cruel and unusual sentencing for the rest of your life— we may be able to get through contact now.. we may be able to learn to love/accept oc, etc.. but what about 5 years later—10 years—maybe a bad time in your marriage for regular reasons…. I just feel like having OC and OW in your lives forever will tear up a marriage- seal the coffin eventually.

my H wanted NC and still wants NC .. and thats hard enough. Now, your H wants C.. and that is where its very hard if you don't. BUT YOUR LIFE WAS PUT ON HOLD AND NOT RESPECTED for how long??? How much more can you sacrifice for H? This is a HUGE hurdle--- set your boundary--let him know you cannot move forward at this point with contact-- someday, maybe????? when the kids are much older-- maybe?? Now--- you've had enough of trying to make things work-- and THIS, THIS ISSUE is where you draw your boundary.

I think anyone who can and does handle contact well or with ease-- is AWESOME-- but frankly, this is not expected, and it is above the norm because its just so devastating to the W/children of marriage many times.

Sorry so long but I am typing so fast- and losing my place-- I am always in a rush !!!!!!! Hope I made sense!!

(((hugs))) and enjoy your 3 girls- you are so lucky- I ALWAYS wanted a girl - you are so blessed!!!!

Gio
Thanks so much for your response, that is exactly what I am feeling. I feel so much guilt and sorrow, that I cannot accept oc. I am afraid to tell people for fear of what they will think of me that there is a child in this world w/o a father b/c of a selfish wife. I feel that God is going to wreck havoc on me when I stand before him, and I feel like I am a Christianin false pretenses b/c I cannot deal with this oc. When I told h this mornign that I am not only thinking of myself but also my three daughters he said so is he. Yeah right.

ugh! right there w/ ya' yelo!

Our oldest was the 'only' for 7.5 years. HE adores his siblings(from our marraige)....but NOT OC. WEll, in some way he might love her but it is too hard to separate OC from OW actions, for him for now. (OW made a few 'scenes' in front of the kids & oldest understood it ALL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

HE went through depression w/ major symptoms. After that calmed down, his symptoms just manifested themselves in other ways. He would get headaches, feel nausious & sometimes vomit when we would get OC! It was jsut too much for him & I wasn't being sensitive about it. I regret it but I finally woke up & we did what we had to do.

ANd for us, no, it won't be forever becuase OC was a part of our lives for over 2 years, & we write regularly. (as OC gets older, more assertive & can make her needs/wants known, we expect her to C us) But there were too many variables (OW erratic behavior) to continue on. IT was the best thing for us to stop C. THe younger 2 miss their sister & have other stresses now (afraid that their older brother will "go away & never come back" when he goes somewhere) but we deal w/ them. @ least we have some stability now!

NO, I'm not trying to scare you, everyone/child is different but since ours are so similiar in ages.......plus mine is a boy so even that makes a difference, OW behavior & cooperation makes a difference. SO many variables & you can't control them!

But the point is.....YOU do what is BEST for YOUR family & we support you. Some have C & both H & W agree w/ it so we support them. The ultimate decision is up to you.

You are right to be concerned. Who wouldn't be? YOu MUST be...who else will advocate for your children?

And your right, popping in every 6 mos to say HI! just to appease H guilt is LAME!

Here is a good boundary......if H wants C--then he MUST do it LEGALLY. IF he really wants it, w/ respectable motives, then he will do what is necessary to establish it legally.

Would that work for you?

IF he isn't willing to put in that effort---then there you go...you know that he isn't sincere about OC but only his own guilt.

Also, the same for a relationship via snail mail. If he wants a real relationhsip then he can put in the effort to do it that way until OC is old enough to really understand what is going on anyway.

I feel for you. WE all do. WE all know the struggle that this decision creates within us.

You are not a bad person becuase you don't want C right now. You were a BW & you are a mother who is concerned for her own children & their future.

This is NOT your problem & you CAN'T fix it. It is H & OW responsibility to fix, explain & deal w/ it.

You are under NO obligation to do anything. This situation & OC are THEIR problem.

There are major consequences to these actions & they are not pretty.

Don't listen to your co-workers. Don't make a decision out of fear. SO what? OC comes back some day & asks why? That's ok, you refer them to H & HE can explain what he did. It's NOT on you.

NOTHING is gonna back-fire on you. THEY did this NOT you.

NO one is gonna look out for YOUR children but YOU so do what you have to to keep them safe, secure & their family intact.

THere is enough crap in this world that they will have to deal w/ & when they get older.....they will have to deal w/ this too & it will be in their own way.

Take a deep breath & do something pampering for yourself.

It's hard to accept that some things just cannot be fixed....but it's true & this is one of those situations.

I hope this made sense...I know I am sooo wordy! LOL


ooo
xxx
kt

I am afraid to tell people for fear of what they will think of me that there is a child in this world w/o a father b/c of a selfish wife.
***************
***************
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I kick anyone's @$$ if they dare say that to me!!!

LOL Not really (I'm all talk! LOL) but I would give them my best smile & explain that there is a fatherless child out there becuase 2 selfish people chose to HAVE AN AFFAIR!!! & agree that it is extra tragic, especially for the kids @ home that actually KNOW their father & now have to deal w/ what is transpiring.

AND there were almost 3 fatherless children out there becuase of those same 2 selfish people!!!!

THen I'd also explain that I love my H & respect him for owning up to this mess he created & taking responsiblity by paying CS.

Not to mention that I hope they NEVER unexpectantly find themselves in this situation & have to deal w/ something so painful.


whatever!

IRL, noone will say this to you. REAL friends are understanding & sympathetic.

NO mature person would judge YOU! Our friends didn't even judge H! THey were so great when they found out! THey let me cry on their shoulders & encouraged me in my marriage. THey even told me how much they loved BOTH of us & realized how EASILY it could be them, on either side.

Great post, KT.

It seems to me, POJA or court administered, that Yelo just cannot have contact and be happy in her marriage.

Ugh.. what then? I do agree that we, as the W cannot ultimately be responsible for disallowing contact between a child and their parent... SO... with that said.... I think you MUST be clear that while you love your H and want your M to work.... your boundary is that he has you and your children living with him in a peaceful state of mind without C.... or he has contact and does not have his marriage.

That is NOT being mean or selfish.. that is simplyt being a HUMAN BEING who has personal limits-- who is hurt and whose life has been rearranged by 2 selfish individuals.. and YOU ARE ONLY doing what you can to survive. If surviving means you must vacate the marriage so he can have contact-- then that means he has his OWN choice to make--

AS KT SAID-- you are NOT responsible for this mess. I drew the line in the sand clearly with my H on this one... I had gone through the fire to support H and our family in every way - to the point I lost myself in complete misery and pain. IF he wanted contact I would never call him bad for it.. BUT I could not endure it and neither would I allow the kids to SO.. he had to make his choice based on HIS NEEDS in life. I was very reasonable in our conversations- and very clear that I knew if I forbid contact-- it WOULD make me feel it was my fault- so I did not demand- I just let him know what my personal level for pain was-- and i had REACHED IT!!!!! I was just lucky that H said he could not even stomach the thought of contact for many many reasons.

I think you H needs a MAJOR wake up call. He is the one who will stand before God to deal with the A/OC, etc.. and his continuted selfishness towards his family right now.

Does your H ever express or feel- that perhaps contact will further hurt your marriage- or your marriage will not heal properly-- or that you will be miserable? Does he even seem to CONSIDER the possibilities of destruction this will cause if he keeps sneezing at your feelings??? Does he show any sensitivity towards your plight or just make statements that seem to only support you IF YOU ARE BEING AGREEABLE????

<small>[ December 21, 2004, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Well ladies I went with H to see oc and ow. We met at the food court at the mall, she was sitting at a four seat table with only two chairs, for her and oc, we stood. It was very tense, oc saw h forst, then she saw mw and immediately went to her mom. H told her we bought gifts at toys r us, and looked at me and said right, and I said no Walmart, ow commented so ----, my name picked them out not you, and H said yes, she's better at this than me. I never said a word, or made eye contact with her, I looked off in the distance, then after aobut five or ten minutes we left, and I never said a word, just walked off. When we got in the car I exploded into tears, 1. because I felt so rude, and 2. because it hurts my heart to know that a sweet little girl is without a father. Thise of you who don't see oc, how do you do it? Well we don't see her and we have only seen her one other time, but everytime I see her my heart melts, she reminds me so much of my girls, not looks wise, but just in general, I feel overwhelming guilt that H does not see her, and I tried to tell him this, and his comment is she is not doing wihtout anything, and she doesn't know any different, my comment that doesn't make it right. That little girl cannot help that she is in this situation and it is killing me, I felt like coming home and paking up, because I so feel it is my fault that he is not seeing her. If it wasn't for me he would see her he says I'm wrong but I know I am not. How do you ladeis do it? It's Christmas eve and I am so depressed!!!
Yelo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yellow,

So sorry for your sadness. This craziness was brought upon that child by her mother and your H. Don't feel so bad, I think you are better off without the OW drama. Try to have a good Christmas with your family and know that little girl does have her mommy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by yelodazee:
<strong> Well ladies I went with H to see oc and ow. We met at the food court at the mall, she was sitting at a four seat table with only two chairs, for her and oc, we stood. It was very tense, oc saw h forst, then she saw mw and immediately went to her mom. H told her we bought gifts at toys r us, and looked at me and said right, and I said no Walmart, ow commented so ----, my name picked them out not you, and H said yes, she's better at this than me. I never said a word, or made eye contact with her, I looked off in the distance, then after aobut five or ten minutes we left, and I never said a word, just walked off. When we got in the car I exploded into tears, 1. because I felt so rude, and 2. because it hurts my heart to know that a sweet little girl is without a father. Thise of you who don't see oc, how do you do it? Well we don't see her and we have only seen her one other time, but everytime I see her my heart melts, she reminds me so much of my girls, not looks wise, but just in general, I feel overwhelming guilt that H does not see her, and I tried to tell him this, and his comment is she is not doing wihtout anything, and she doesn't know any different, my comment that doesn't make it right. That little girl cannot help that she is in this situation and it is killing me, I felt like coming home and paking up, because I so feel it is my fault that he is not seeing her. If it wasn't for me he would see her he says I'm wrong but I know I am not. How do you ladeis do it? It's Christmas eve and I am so depressed!!!
Yelo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yelo are you still in counseling? I think you need to go back. I'm not being sarcastic, but you have to be at peace yourself with any and decission you make. I can tell this is tearing you apart. You need to understand all your feelings and be at peace with them. I hate to see anyone feeling like this at all let alone at the holidays. I am sorry your going through all this and I hope that somehow you can find peace with it all. (((((((((((yelo))))))))))))))

QUOTE "All children are different...

Your daughter does not HAVE TO HAVE HER LIFE and ADMIRATION for her father stolen from her !!! She will be a real handful when and if she finds out now, I believe that!" END QUOTE


Yelo...

It doesn't have to be like that. My family has a pretty twisted sense of humor. Our objective for our daughter is "keeping her off the pole." (chris rock bit)

My daughter is now 14. Yep...she had a hard time at first accepting that her dad screwed up. But we had her in counseling along with the rest of the family. We're doing good now. I believe that God has given us another daughter.(OC) I am always saying..."not happy how she came about..but love her all the same."

Some of these women here try C. Some try C half hearted. But you have to forgive. Forgiveness is more important than a POJA...or whatever else they say.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Yeah..yeah...yeah...I hear all of ya....pipe down and ignore me if you don't like what I say.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yelo,
If you believe in a "higher power" or whatever, then put your faith and future in their hands. Let God go to work in your heart and He can make it work. Make it work for YOU!!!

You seem to be carrying around alot of guilt. If God wants you to have contact or not, He will let you know. This time last year, I was living in a one bedroom apt. with my daughter because my H fessed up to sleeping with another woman. I hadn't even found out about the OC yet. But I left because I had painted myself in a corner a few years earlier. I told H if you cheat on me again...I WILL LEAVE!

So, I left. Then a month later....BOOM....found out that he had a daughter that was 2 mos. old. I kept trying to make it work MY way. Not God's way. When I gave it over to him, it was just such a relief. Things quieted down, H and I reconciled after I asked for 3 things, (must ask for diamonds, good time to get them...lol). Told our children and went forward in the legal aspect.

We have contact. Not always easy but this is what I truly believe God wanted. I couldn't live with the guilt of being the one that makes the decision about C. And I think most wives have the power to "make" their H's do this. At least temporarily. (see above comment on diamonds).

Pray...pray....pray.....

Wishing you well,
ent <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ent
Thanks so much for your advice, I think you are absolutely right. I think the guilt I am feeling is because I know there is no c and I know it is because of me. He says no but I know better, he is not that kind of person to ignore a child, he's trying to make things right at home and he know c is not the way. Some days I can handle the thought...others if you mention oc, I go hysterical. somedays I think I am crazy. I try to remain calm though, because I know if I go crazy he will stop talking to me about things because he is a conflict avoider. I feel lik eI should be past this point. I am almost three years out from d day, why do some days still feel like the first? Yes, I do believe in God, and I do believe He is the one who pulled me through all of this. Luckily I came to know him really well about four months before, dday, conicidence? I don't think so!! I didn't want to go to church this morning but I went and guess what the topic was PEACE. How you can never truly be at peace regarding a matter until you truly give it up to Him. I kind of had a chuckle when he the pastor said have you ever seen someone going through what you thought you could never make it through, and you just couldn't understand why they were so calm? It is because they have the peace from Jesus Christ that transcends all understanding, I laughed because in the beginning all I could say to others is God has pulled me through, it's not me it's Him. I know it is still Him, but I'm not sure what He is telling me, I'm not a very good listener or very patient either. How did you know your decision was the right one?
Yelo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yelo, I think you just know with your feelings inside. I too have struggle with things in my life and was confussed about my decission if it was right or wrong. I know the whole time I was in the affair I was ignoring things that were staring me flat in the face and I know it was from God......and life was not as calm and easy. You know what I mean? When I started to do the right things in my life and turning things over to him it was eaier.........not easy, but easier. I've had to make some decission in my life that were extermly hard to do and thought they would be impossible to do, but in the end ended up just fine. It could be your choice for nc, it could be your feelings of not forgiving, and hating....it could just be your still working through this ordeal. Who knows. I do hope you can find peace soon though.

Yelo----
Keep praying- yes! I am very aware of one fact in this life, with our without an OC issue--- you cannot force someone else to FEEL what you do.. you cannot CHANGE someone's true hearts' desires .....Trying to do that is literally like beating your head against the wall - it will HURT LIKE HECK.... and then you'll only have lots more pain and the FEELINGS your H has will still be there..........

I feel for you because your H is already showing signs of resentment towards you for NC-- he is blaming YOU (completely a raw deal / no win situation for you right now).. but the FACT is that he still feels this way. We We all like to pretend people don't feel certain ways that hurt us... but they do... so we need to handle them, process them, figure out how to make everyone feel the way that they can live with....

I think in your case, Yelo, you had the time after dday to deal with your pregnancy and your new baby... no real time or energy was spent on dealing with the OC issue. I do not think you are ready-- even if you will be ready eventually- I think there is still counseling for you and H in order, and also more time to pray, and pray some more, for this decision to come out okay for all of you.

Will your H reason with you regarding waiting longer and working on the issue longer - because you are just not stable enough as a couple yet. This is an EXTREMELY emotional issue and tough one.I think with your heart seeking answers and your feeling some guilt, etc.... maybe you WILL be okay-- but NEED MORE TIME! The price of that is H misses more of OC's life... BUT.... the price to ALL is high and it takes lots of time to
get over all of this. You are NOT wrong for your feelings--- just like H's feeling about OC-- yours are VERY VERY real and normal too.

How did the holiday go for you, Yelo?

QUOTE" I'm not a very good listener or very patient either. How did you know your decision was the right one? "UNQUOTE

Ha....I'm not either. I think God has to hit you "upside the head" with a 2x4 for ya to listen.

I knew it was right when I met OC. Our first contact was at OW's house. What a treat!! Her husband and other kids were there. What fun!!! LOL

But when I could hug OW and her H, and thank them for letting us into their home to meet OC, that's when I knew God had worked this through for me. I mean that I didn't feel anger or hate or anything more than,"thanks". Does that make sense?

My H and daughter have since taken a cue from MY behavior on that night. Moms carry around so much power. We seem to be the compass for our family. My family including my son, have looked to me for how to act and react. I let them know from then on, I was ok with Ow and Oc. NOT the AFFAIR! Big difference.

Hopefully that makes sense.

Prayers,
ent

If you want to communicate privately, my e-mail is entwife@hotmail.com
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks to all of you for your response. My holidays were good, nice to see the children enjoy their gifts. However I still feel depressed. I worked half a day today, and H met me for lunch, we spent the day shopping and laughing, and then I thought about oc, immediate sadness, I wanted to curl up and cry. My prayer this morning was that God would handle it all and make my decision for me, I'm not going to bring things up to H and I'll just sit back and watch what happens, I prayed that God will handle them when they do occur, no we do not have c now, maybe we never will, I don't know, but I do know that one day a little girl will probably be looking for her father, so sooner or later I will have to face reality, maybe sooner than later but for now I will live for today, and try not to think about tomorrow. I read a newspaper article that talked about how people refer to certain events as the best day of thier life, and how they can't wait for such and such date, but the articel stated how everyday is a gift from God, it is a day he has, made for us to rejoice in. Don't use today as a bridge to reach tomorrow.
ENT-
Thanks for the address, I would very much love to correspond!! That would help a lot. I totally got your point, I never wanted to see oc, H finally convinced me to do it. I was glad I did, That lifted a lot off of me to see oc, and not wonder what she looks like, nothing like any of my children, and to see ow, to see what she looks like, I have very low self esteem, to see her boosted that 110%, my couselor always said, it's not about you and it never was, somehow I couldn't get beyond that. When I saw oc, my heart melted. she reminded me of my 4 yr old, her actions and the things she liked, they would have so much fun together, they are only 15 mths apart. When I left seeing her, we met at a fast food restaurant, I felt great, but scared thinking what will I tell my children? So eventually the good feelings faded into the old feelings again, and I cringe at the sound of her oc's name, which is a popular one, unfortunately. The difference in you and me is that ow here is not married, nor does she have a boyfriend, and several months back told me she just couldn't help herself she was in love with my H. That makes me nauseated. Yes when we left meeting her she said nice to meet you and shook my hand, I said the same, and walked off and said yeah right. I wanted to point out, while in prayer this morning I was telling God how I couldn't imagine telling my children because I wanted to protect them, and something told me protect them or protect myself? Soemthing to ponder on! Once again thanks for the email I'll talk to you soon, it's hard for me to get privacy, the computer is in my ten year old's room and boy is she nosey!
Yelo

Yes when we left meeting her she said nice to meet you and shook my hand, I said the same,

ARGH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> That is what my OW said!!!! Yah right is RIGHT!

Nice to meet the women who's life you tried to steal?

Sorry..little trigger, I guess. LOL

Makes me want to VOMIT!
*****************
*****************
either way, I sincerely hope it works out for you.

One thing I don't understand...& amybe I missed that thread/post....OC is already HOW old? ANd you gusy ahve had C only a FEW times right?

SO where does the full C, custody,visitation, fit into this picture?

Have you been feelint this guilt for years? or what? I'm confused.

Did the A just end...all this time after OC had been born or what?

I'm just confused how C is an issue after all these years & you feel guilty about it now, after all these years?

Sorry, I'm just confused. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

sincerely,
kt