Need advice, and what happens at meeting.
Ironicly meeting is 1 day before my Birthday, and was scheduled at 3pm;when our kids are just getting out of school. Some coincedence,eh.
My parents are picking up/watching our kids while
WE got to meeting.

First of all, do you have a lawyer? If not, let the lawyers of the MB world come to help!!! Let me know, I'm curious - we did not have one, but my legal backgroud and YES, THE LADIES OF THIS SITE help tremendously !!!!!!

A- I know our first meeting was in the hospital. The OW wasn't there, so it was time just for US to bond as a family and my D was there too. And so where OUR friends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And as for the first time he came to our home, she was with him and I showed her his room and all of his stuff we and our friends had bought. I didn't have to invite her into my home, but I did and I am glad that God has made me so stong. I was pretty relaxed to soay the least. But then again like the others have said here. I did nothing wrong but stay w/ my H. So WHY should I have felt bad. We do now have regular visits and he is just now 4 mths old. We have had him maybe 20 times since his birth. But we have been in contact w/ an attorney the WHOLE pg! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We knew our rights and where prepaired to use them! This is one of the MOST important things you can and do HAVE to do. Get informed and get an attorney! I cant say that enough. It doesn't mean that there are NO games, but it does give you protection when they do happen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Good Luck!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

What kind of 'CS meeting' is this?
A hearing?

I only know of visitation 'meetings' & that involves a mediator.

CS meeting? I don't know unless it is a hearing. Our first meeting was a hearing & anyone could be in the court room but only defendant & plaintiff could be up front @ the table in front of the judge...and any lawyers of course.

Can you clarify? Who exactly do you think you are meeting w/?
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Besides that, keep your head high, keep calm & look your best. If you look your best, you will feel your best & if you feel your best, you will be most comfortable.

Avoid OW if you can. Present a united front w/ H. DO NOT get involved in any attempts from OW to argue w/ you, compare notes OR when OW offers to 'tell you the truth'.

Basically ignore her.

IF you feel shaky or nervous-------do a few body shake-outs BEFORE you enter the building. THis is an 'acting technique' & really works to bring on a sense of calmness & relaxation. IT's like the hokey-pokey kind of, you vigorously shake out every limb, arm, leg, hand, foot & you will feel better. And you will look like a freak so you also might end up laughing uproariously whihc is also a good 'release'.

If you feel like crying....bite your lip--it will take away the urge.

You just never know. THese are just tips to help you stay calm & in control. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No we don't have a lawyer.
This meeting is a hearing to establish CS.
I know Xow will be there. Hearing is being held at the cs agency. They want H's income, proof etc.,and the want a copy of our cjildrens birth certificates.
I would really appreciate any help/advice.

Have you filled out any preliminary paperwork?

Like income & expense report?

You should be able to also fill out some form of 'hardship deduction' paper, to claim your own children that you need to support.

Make sure that you have not written/included your income for any income & expenses.

Sometimes there are court facilitators that can help you fill out paperwork for free but you must contact them in advance becuase they are usually swamped w/ clients.

So this is a HEARING------hmmmmmmm? WEll, I hope it goes well.

Sorry, not much more advice to give w/ such short notice & no lawyer.

Well, tell H to dress nice, as nice as he is comfortable w/, be respectful to the judge & don't let the CS agency try to intimidate him----they will. HE is reperesenting himself so he is his OWN lawyer & noone will stick up for him & your family but HIM. HE is fully responsible for that.

IF paternity has not been established then he can also request that as well-which he should. Then they will reschedule the hearing for about a month to give time for paternity testing to be done.

Let them know he has other children who should not have to suffer.

Are they going to discuss visitation as well?

Have you guys decided on that? I can't remember.

Kt sorry for short notice, we only found out Tuesday. Isn't that some bs. I feel with such short notice we should ask/be able to reshedule.
I don't know itf they will discuss visitation or not, we are going to try for it.
I really don't like that they gave him such short notice,thats not fair, it's not right, and hold H that, and said he should call them on it.We have preliminary paperwork, and i told him about the hardship paper. And yea I'm nervous,scared etc. haven't sleep right since it came in the mail.
Getting such short notice we couldn't even consult w/ legal aid for advice.
That's BS and not right.

Angels--- your H is VERY MUCH entitled to seek legal counsel, and 6 days is NOT proper notice to seek cojnsel or to prepare to represent yourself.

No way!

Call and speak with, meet with or retain a lawyer- and he will most definitely request a continuance that should be granted !!!

And, if you do not wind up seeking counsel--- PLEASE remember one VERY important thing that H remembered (thanks to my little bit of knowledge and LOTS of great reading here)....

Your H SHOULD FIGHT LIKE HECK, and do not CAVE into whatever the heraing officer wants! He CAN request to see a JUDGE if he cannot agree to the hearing officer's recommendations.

My H is on workers compensation due to major surgery... THEY TRIED to milk him for $600.00 per month and SHE IS MAKING MORE THAN HIM NOW!!!! That is UNFAIR !! My H said there is no way he is paying that amount on his fixed income, etc... and he saw the judge, who reduced it to 1/2 of that!!! Yipee for H being firm !

The other thing is that the mother of the child, as well as father -- should be responsible for only 50% of EVERYTHING-- that includes medical, daycare, etc.!!!!! Many times the father accepts paying medical 100%, but if your H has insurance then the OW SHOULD PAY 1/2 of out of pockets, etc... Keep the 50% thing very high on your list of things for H to remember.

Also-- regarding visitation, etc.... and daycare... I think it is important that IF YOU WANT TO AND ARE GOING TO HAVE CONTACT.. and you are ABLE to provide even 1 day a week of daycare in your home or what have you... you can mention that you have alternate means of daycare for free, etc... this just depends on the whole picture of it all (custody, visiations, etc.)

One more thing-- usually the custody hearing is a complete seperate issue with the court. Not sure from state to state.... it differs... BUT... unless both issues were filed together, most likely visitation/custody arrangements are filed and heard at another court date.

Hope this little bit helps. Please keep us posted and by ALL MEANS GET A LAWYER IF YOU CAN ! This is your MONEY AND YOUR LIFE HERE! We did not get one because *I* would not help via any of my lawyer friends, etc... and he could not afford it nor make the cut for free counsel... at the time I was NOT sure 100% if I was going to stay, much less support or help him with this headache that was his to own! Otherwise--- a lawyer is ALWAYS very important in these situations, if possible.

Does she have a lawyer?

CALL A LAYWER RIGHT NOW. THIS MINUTE.

You do not have enough time to do a thing here.
YOU ARE BEING RAILROADED.

GET AN ATTORNEY. At least one to consult with. Then you need to educate yourself and learn. Knowledge is power.

The 50% is dead on. She is CHOOSING to keep that child so she needs to be held accountable for 50% of things. Insurance is a good one. It is much easier to just force the father to add the child to his policy. HOWEVER, that would mean that he is being responsible for MORE. We have a separate policy that only covers 50% of the bill.

Example: If oc went to Hospital and the bill is $1,000. We are only liable for $500.00. So our insurance only considers the $500.00 The ow has no insurance....to bad for her, she has to find a way to pay the other 500.00. That is her responsibility. Stuff like that.

Also, get some advice on child support for your own children in place first. Look into a legal separation, and having child support on them. This will lower the amount that leaves the family it was intended for.

GET A LAYWER. At least for a consulatation and one to have on standby incase she tries playing games.

H called cs, they said he has to be there!
We don't have nor can afford a lawyer as we are both out of work.
The only income we have is ADC, Unemployment(his), and foodstamps.
When he called and asked to reshedule they refused. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Told him if he didn't show they would have the sheriff bring the papers next time!Wouldn't it be bad for H not show up!
We really are upset about this.
WE are going to call legal aid for consultation,even though they don't help with cs or visitation cases they will advise.
The Adc/unemployment barely covers our rent, utilities,gas for the car,and basic stuff for home and our kids.
Oh, God Help US!!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I"m trying not to cry ,and be supportive to my H, and he to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
All this right before my birthday!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Angels, it will be OK!! Believe me-- my H is off of work and I am supporing 5 people on my income, which is good, but NOT designed for 5 people!!!!!
And I though this would be the ruin of us-- YET somehow, someway... the LESS you have to work with the LESS you spend-- and you ADJUST, very quickly--

it will be ok !! Trust me!!

It is probably the BEST TIME for CS to be determined, since your H's income is low-- and the set amount will not change unless OW goes for a modification.. and at which time you'd have PLENTY of opportunity to make sure your family's money - stays in the family !!!!

If this amount is established at this point-- that is O.K-- HER income and HIS are BOTH considered and maybe with H out of work - hers is MORE right now- that helps not hurts you !

How many children to you have?? If you are receiving food stamps for your children, you are going to be ok with child support-- at lease sweetie this USUALLY is the case- and I pray you will be okay!

This is scary- I know!!! BUT YOU ARE FINE! CS is something that MUST HAPPEN anyway- so just rejoice that it is NOW, when your incomes are lower than usual...

YES- you should be able to get legal advice for free if you and your H are out of work, and you have children-- YES TAKE ADVANTAGE, right away!!!!

Also go online and try to find ANY legal advice for your state-- they have lots of it if you just look for it.

She called to ask us to get oc some formula, np.
She says with her working, she makes to much.
She make to much for WIC, and they reduce her foodstamps, & check. She lives on Metro Housing wich is based on her income.
Funny thing is when we where on her postion financailly we supported 4 people not just 3.
And There are 4 of us now living off wefare/unemployment.

Remember that YOUR income should NOT be calculated into the CS equation.

ONLY H Income should be used to determine CS.

I think the judge will see....if he is not that capable of supporting his own famiy right now.....then it can't be too much CS ordered for OC. Realistically.

Yes, as gio said, ihs a good thing that it is happening now while h income is low.

HE must be strong & assertive in the court. Let them know that he is unemployed & on welfare as it is.

HE will still have to pay something but it should be minimal.

He must let them know that he has other children that he is also responsible to support.

IT will take some getting used to, the loss of income, but you will be ok.

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WIll H be finding work soon?

Becuase when he does, & is making more, then you file your own legal separation & secure CS for your own kids & it should be a bigger amount & then you have secured MORE income for the home.
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It will be unbelievable @ first....I know. But you will get through it. Like gio said, you will adjust but then it will be natural.


hang in there hunny bunny.

oxoxoxoxxox
kt

When it rains it pours.
We went to drop off formula,& she wasn't home.
We called her, she called back.
When she called back she was at Chuckie Cheese w/ her daughter, the baby was being babysat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
She can't afford formula for the baby but can afford Chuckie Cheeze & smokes, and a sitter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , gimmie a break.
Had the nerve to ask H,if she could p/u here. He asked me, and I said no,but for him to decide. HE said, We would drop it off there. she said she wasn't comfortable with that,
He told her that was too bad as it was OUR money that bought formula. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Then the call ended.
Besides it's not like I'm comfortable w/her calling MY home. Though H will only talk to her infront of me,makes me part of the conversation, and consults me while talking to her on the phone, I do it for the baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I have a funny feeling it going to be a looooong
weekend.
Thinking about email only, no phone unless a real emergancy,because everytime she calls, our kids act out, and I'm tired if it.

honey you know that you qualify for a FREE lawyer with NO income.

The state is basically going to get money from itself in this case if she is on aid as well.

With her working and him not that is great.

Go find out from your worker how you can speak to a Lawyer for FREE. They have to have you consult with one , or your worker can give you advice. Hopefully her earning potential and education are better than your husbands so she will get stuck with more support than the bio father.
you can always ask for joint legal and physical custody at this time as well, if you want it.

Why not just leave the formula in the doorway of her home? not like it would go bad or something

We had a very surprising turn of events yesterday.
She and H got into it, H stood up for me and us.
She and I talked.To make a long story short. And we finally got to see the baby "ALL OF US" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!!!
H and I stood our ground.
H got to change a dirty diaper,lol, I got to feed him his bottle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We are going to All visit baby at her place,regularly, it's a start, till all feel more comfortable with things and then go from there. One step at a time.
H,I & our children are sooo happy!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I thanked God for answering our prayers.
If anyone want more details feel free to ask, and I will answer any posts/questions you may have etc..

<small>[ January 08, 2005, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>