Hi Friends,

When I last posted my H and I were going to visit OC at OW's house for the first time. This was basically to have OW get aquainted with me and I with her since the OC would be visiting our home. Things seemed to have went well. OW and I conversed politely while my H played and bonded with OC. My H and I started this process in hopes that she would consent to the idea of OC spending every other weekend with us. Our next step was to invite OW to our home with OC for a visit so that she could see what type of environment OC would be in. As a mother myself I had no objections when my H suggested the idea.

Well my H just called me and said that OW called him saying that the OC was'nt feeling well and that she was taking OC to the doctor and wanted to know was my H coming and he said "no". My H said he then asked her "when he could start to have OC on some weekends" and OW said " Oh no we have to wait a couple of years" My H is furious, he is paying 600.00 a month and OW is telling him he has to wait years to have time alone with OC.

I explained to him that OW has finally realized that I have excepted the OC and that I'm not going anywhere and she's pi**ed. OW thought that my H was only going to see OC when he came around her, which is what she wants anyway. She envisioned herself and my H goo-gooing and ga-gaing over the OC, not me and my H enjoying OC together and that's eating her up right now.

My H told OW today that he is filing for visitation. He says that she started crying.
I empathize with OW, but she took a gamble with her life and slept with a married man thinking that he would leave his wife and OW would have an instant family but it did'nt work out that way. So I guess not only are we stuck with her, OW's also stuck with us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Couple of years my [censored]. It is just her way of trying to control the situation. Good thing is your H knows this and is taking the proper steps to get his rights.

Wishing you two the best of luck

This is STOW manipulation. The child is "hers" alone, when it suits her. But she sure grabs the child support and it is "theirs" when the bills come in.

TOUGH **** FOR HER.

There is absolutely no reason why a baby can't be with his/her father. If she breastfeeds, she can pump. GET THIS DONE LEGALLY.

There is not a damm thing she can do or say. Get dna, cs and visitation all settled, by law and to hell with her. If she didn't want you in her child's life, she shouldn't be having babies with your husband.

Disregard her and look out for what is best for YOU and what YOU want.

And 'people' wonder WHY we 'stereotype' or 'generalize' the ow!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Uh...hello? Maybe becuase the behavior is so DARNED predictable!!!!!!!!

OC mother said that EXACT same thing to US & OC was 4.5 yo!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

H went to court & they dealt w/ it through a mediator-------mediator RECOMMENDED 'JOINT CUSTODY' as 'best for OC' & overnights. We did agree to incorporating it gradually...one night @ a time; 1st weekend--1 night, next weekend 2 nights, next weekend 3 nights; Friday-Monday & from then on!

Yep.............SHE does NOT call the shots. That is right-go to court-H has rights & Judges do NOT look upon it nicely when mothers try to play games w/ thier children! THey will be on OW @$$ even more if they see that she is an OW playing games!!!!!!!!!

Like Lynn said----------OW 'wants' don't really matter-when you are trying to do 'what is best for OC' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> -which it seems you are-then OC should have equal access to BOTH parents!!!!

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I remember those days well......as soon as visits NO longer included OW-oh.......the fighting began! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Suddenly OC was 'not ready', had emotional problems, missed her other half-sister, you name it & SUDDENLY OC had it & the visits hadn't started yet!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Which was HIlarious since the only emotional problems we saw in OC was when she would get mad @ us for taking her home & NOT letting her call her mom to ask if she could stay LONGER!!!!!!!!

And we didn't even know her as a baby but OC (& any child) knows & feels the need for BOTH parents (not that this is YOUR responsibility) but you could see OC bonding to us & her dad right away & it was just so sad to see OW try to manipulate & stop that process out of her own selfish insecurity! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

OW selfishness is what messed it all up for OC & our children as well. I blame OW %100 for the breakdown of communication & visits w/ OC.

Sorry I digressed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
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Get that paper-work started & don't stop until it is all filed legally & don't forget to get it DETAILED. OW WILL take advantage of ANY thing that is NOT clearly spelled out!


Hang in there-you're gonna do great & be great as well!!!!!!!!!


ooo
xxx
kt

So, she cried, huh? Well Boo-friggin-HOO!

Your husband has rights to visitation and I'm glad that he's not taking OW's manipulation and game-playing lying down. A couple of years for overnights? It's a shame she didn't utter those words when she laid down with someone else's husband.

Funny how she has a problem sharing OC with you, but she didn't have a problem trying to share your husband with you.

I would get everything resolved legally ASAP so that these ridiculous games would cease. I hope everything goes well.

OW selfishness is what messed it all up for OC & our children as well


KT...
Personally, I don't think that only one party can take responsibility for things falling apart. She made things difficult...but insurmountable? I just have a problem with NC until 4.5 years old, then contact for a couple of years, only to drop it.
I know that your son had a problem, (physically ill), but don't kids pick up how to act from us as parents? If we convey to our children, verbally or non-verbally, OUR discomforts, prejuidices, and so on....Don't they act out also?

Ent

Ent-----

What on earth are you implying? Have you NOT read KT's story? The STOW in her case was a shrew who constantly played games. Mr and Mrs KT went to counseling with the moron. Once again you are blaming KT and her family and even their children for the trouble created by the STOW.

KT's darling child had difficulty with having an oc around. Was KT supposed to ignore her childs distress all to apease the oc? What about the constant games played by the OW? Those created stress in KT's house. Was KT supposed to pretend it was all ok?

GMAB. KT and her family were 100% right in going no contact with the oc. The price on their family was to high. PERIOD. The ow is 100% at fault for any pain and suffering the oc will go through. PERIOD.

You have a problem with no contact for 4.5 years..I see your only looking out for the oc. KT'S SON WAS SUFFERING.....do you not have a problem with that?

Go back to TOW.

If MY opinion bothers you sooo much, Lynneg, why do you bother replying?

ent

I will turn it around on you. If the BW and their sweet innocent children bother YOU so much, why post here? Why do you find it necessary to point out how unfair or unjust things are for the oc?

It is insulting and rude for you to habitually and with consistency overlook the needs, and wellbeing of the wife and the children of the marriage ON A MARRIAGE BUILDING site.

As for me replying to your posts? I just want to make sure any newbies are not swayed by your constant drum beating "...best for the oc..." mantra. I want them to know that their sister, KT did far more then requried by common decency for the oc. Put up with more garbage from the STOW and in the end, when it all fell down, the blame lie squarly on the shoulders of the ow. That they should NOT be forced to stuff their needs/wishes/feelings aside for the oc. That their CHILDREN should not be sacrified for the oc.

THAT is why I answer your ridiculs, oc thumping, poor ow whining posts.

<--------------TOW is that way.

I post for the same reason you post....Because I want to give MY opinion. It wasn't meant rudely to KT...just MY opinion.

ent

Ent- SOME of us will not ALLOW or ACCEPT as much MESS as others...... it is NOT ALWAYS HEALTHNY TO ACCEPT every-old-thing- as YOU DO!

Especially if our OWN CHILD is hurting-- duh

Yeah, going to counseling, spending all of their $$$$ and all the MESS KT went thru-- YEAH, she had a hand in hurting OC, alright <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

EVEN IF KT's boy was SOLELY feeling screwed up from merely "following leads" in the house..... UH... YEAH... HE IS PART OF A FAMILY that was in crises--- DUH WHY do you think the BS kills herself to make OW or whoever REALIZE that the "BC" are GOING TO HURT very much from this---- AND THIS IS BIG TO THEM AT A YOUNG AGE!!

So... KT no longer would sacrifice her child's needs for NORMALCY... for OC...? Just because YOU are so very accepting- and so is your loose family---- does not mean others want to or are willing to live like that. It is not always healthy, Ent, to accept anything and everything and to teach your kids the same. This can be dangerous at times.

And go ahead with "oh boo hoo she's going for the jugular" again.... THIS is merely my VERY STRONG opinion of your generalization and minimization of KT's situation! As IF to reduce to nothing--all she DID FOR OC AND FOR THE DAMN CAUSE!!!

COUNSELING WITH OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ,

grrrrrrrrr post all you want- but expect opposition when you post NONSENSE that you KNOW is going to rile up KT and those of us that love and admire her spirit around here!!!

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

A couple of years for overnights?

In some states, like mine, the usual custody and visitation agreements does give the mom the right to deny overnights for kids 3 and under. So it will depend on what the states allow and she can stick with this even if the father wants overnights right away.

SOME of us will not ALLOW or ACCEPT as much MESS as others...... it is NOT ALWAYS HEALTHNY TO ACCEPT every-old-thing- as YOU DO!


I will continue to post MY opinions when I want to give My opinion.

ent

ENT: let's take it outside.

Sorry for the thread jack tan.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tan_is_crushed:
<strong> Hi Friends,

When I last posted my H and I were going to visit OC at OW's house for the first time. This was basically to have OW get aquainted with me and I with her since the OC would be visiting our home. Things seemed to have went well. OW and I conversed politely while my H played and bonded with OC. My H and I started this process in hopes that she would consent to the idea of OC spending every other weekend with us. Our next step was to invite OW to our home with OC for a visit so that she could see what type of environment OC would be in. As a mother myself I had no objections when my H suggested the idea.

Well my H just called me and said that OW called him saying that the OC was'nt feeling well and that she was taking OC to the doctor and wanted to know was my H coming and he said "no". My H said he then asked her "when he could start to have OC on some weekends" and OW said " Oh no we have to wait a couple of years" My H is furious, he is paying 600.00 a month and OW is telling him he has to wait years to have time alone with OC.

I explained to him that OW has finally realized that I have excepted the OC and that I'm not going anywhere and she's pi**ed. OW thought that my H was only going to see OC when he came around her, which is what she wants anyway. She envisioned herself and my H goo-gooing and ga-gaing over the OC, not me and my H enjoying OC together and that's eating her up right now.

My H told OW today that he is filing for visitation. He says that she started crying.
I empathize with OW, but she took a gamble with her life and slept with a married man thinking that he would leave his wife and OW would have an instant family but it did'nt work out that way. So I guess not only are we stuck with her, OW's also stuck with us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And back to our regular scheduled program.....
Frist of all Tan, she does not have to consent to anything. I realize your trying to be nice about it all which is great and very big on both of you and your husbands end. Like Black Rio said depending on the state you live in is when they are allowed to stay the night. HOWEVER......that does NOT mean that she can keep the baby away from your husband and only see the baby at her house. Our basic law in this state is no over night visits until the child is 3, but a freind of mine who lives here who is a bw with an oc that is 4 months old just had her first over night visit x-mas time. It was agreed in court with a judge and attorney's. I would take her back to court ASAP to set up visation visits so there is no time lasped that she keeps the baby away for her to say that it needs to be supervised until he knows the baby etc. There is no reason why your h can't take the baby for several hours at a time right now, and work it up to more and more time. I hope it works out for you and hubsand. Remmber no one is in control here (her or your husband). The Judge sets the rules and the adults set the pace and lets hope she sees she is not beyond the law and starts being an adult.

Take her to court, get visitation established. Blackrio is not the expert here, like you're gonna freakin' listen to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

T, I will tell you we have had visitations since A (OC) was 4 weeks old! And it legal ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We dont have overnight until he is almost 1. But htat is the way WE wanted it too. We are working up to the overnights. Its not an easy task! You and your H MUST be as a team. A team for your family and your LEGAL right to bond w/ the OC. Most visitation laws are based on a M couple getting a D. Now even the judges know that (most) man aren't up to caring for a baby or small child alone. BUT your H is NOT alone!!! This is very important. He has YOU and this OC is part of a FAMILY! Your H has the legal right to bond w/ his child! And we all know that alot of bonding goes on during the first year. To me start when they get here that way when they are one, two they dont freak when they have to start the "away time" from mom. To me this is only best for the child and that is the ONLY thing the judge wants to see and do! Good luck! But the only way C can be done is 100% LEGAL!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D