I will try to briefly explain my situation..My husband of 14 yrs and I split about a year ago.Divorce is not final but has been filed.We have 2 children. Over the course of the seperation he has apologized over and over and begged me to try to put our family back together. Why am I hesitant? During the time we were seperated (his time of destructive behavior because he couldn't stand being without us) he slept with someone else.He says this was a big mistake and wants nothing to do with her.When he told her this she called me to make sure i know she is pregnant and it is his.Do I know this to be a fact?No. But could it be true?Yes. I'm sure you all know what something like this does to your emotions. I did not take him back as I felt like I needed to figure out where my emotions were.She recently had the baby and we are now waiting to see what kind of move she makes.She did not contact him for the last 5 months.He made it clear to her that he did not want this baby(I'm certain she did it to try to trap him and thought that by telling me there was no way I would take him back).He says she was still sleeping with her ex-husband...but she says not after she met him.He says he wants no contact if it is his but I guess I am not sure where I would be if he ever changes his mind on that. How do you handle that?Is that child always a painful reminder?
Also what do I need to know as far as child support issues and how to protect my own family if we should try to work things out?My divorce is suppose to be final in a few weeks,I don't know whether or not to go through with it or put a hold on things.Any wisdom from anyone with experience would be greatly appreciated!It seems I change my mind daily on what I feel like I should do or what I can handle.We are in different states,a good ways away from her if that makes a difference in recovery. I just want to make sure I make the right decision...I don't want my children to have to go through this all over again.

Wow, that's a toughie.

In my situation the OC is a reminder, and sometimes a very painful one. However, I try to keep in mind that OC is not responsible for the actions of her parents and though it is difficult at times, she has become a part of our family.

The truth is, only you know what you can handle and what you are willing to put yourself and your children through. The road to recovery is difficult and for some it isn't worth it. For others, like myself, taking it day-by-day is the only answer. I chose to stay with my H knowing that at any moment it may become impossible and I would have to let him go.

I would advise you to look through this site very carefully, read all the columns. Paying particular attention to Plan A and Plan B. After you've gone through all of the info, revisit this topic and see how you feel.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with such an emotional mess, we are all here for you.

Stay Strong!

Avictimnolonger is right! ONLY YOU will know what you can handle.

I choose to stick with my H and I have my bad days but I am only 7months from DDAY and think I am doing great for being that short of a time period. YOu can only take it day by day. ONe thing i always is listen to your heart(also listen to your gut) My GUT feeling is usually NEVER wrong just take a day to yourself and listen toyour heart & gut.

TAke it slow

We are here for you in anyway we can. In our prayers

Lonely

I feel like there is a constant battle between what my heart and my head tell me to do.Does there come a point where you feel like you have a clear answer or do you just make a decision and then deal with it? You think you know what you would do until you are put in the situation.I do believe that he is sorry and would change what happened if he could...but what is done is done. I guess the last several months I sat hoping it was all a lie on her part to try to make sure I wouldn't take him back.Now I know there is a baby,not sure who's it is ,and I wonder will she even come try to find him knowing that he wants nothing to do with her or the baby.
I have been reading the information on this site and these boards for several months now,it has been very helpful!I want to believe that I have the strength and courage that so many of you here show.I truly did not want my children to grow up without their father, but putting a marriage back together is tough enough without all this. I guess I also feel pressured to make a decision with the divorce date coming up in just a few weeks.
Thanks for the advice so far!Keep it coming!