Moved to avoid the threadjack--thanks for the reminder guys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Originally posted by entwifejmr:
OW selfishness is what messed it all up for OC & our children as well
KT...
Personally, I don't think that only one party can take responsibility for things falling apart. She made things difficult...but insurmountable? I just have a problem with NC until 4.5 years old, then contact for a couple of years, only to drop it.
I know that your son had a problem, (physically ill), but don't kids pick up how to act from us as parents? If we convey to our children, verbally or non-verbally, OUR discomforts, prejuidices, and so on....Don't they act out also?
Ent </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your right...I had a problem w/ NC for 4.5 years & then C for a few years & then to drop it. Yep, I had a BIG problem w/ it.
So did MY SON!!!!!!! that is ONE reason I blame OW. SHE had NO problem w/ it!
This NC, BTW was what SHE wanted & was always fighting FOR!!
I sure NEVER heard OW asking us to spend MORE time w/ OC---only less, less less!!!!
Yes, children can 'feel' things from the parents...I am VERY aware of that. But after 2 years....my son was STILL physically reacting.....I could NOT ignore it any longer!
AND ent......my son was also affected by OW words & actions. Actually, he was VERY loving & accepting to OC @ first, jumped right into the 'big brother of a little sister' role.......but then OW began her machinations of 'trauma' & DRAMA.
THAT is when my son's own problems began. HE was old enough to understand EVERYTHING OW said in front of him. He was OLD enough to UNDERSTAND when OW said, in front of ALL my children, that MY H DID NOT THINK MY SON WAS HIS CHILD!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
WHO DOES THAT KIND OF CRAP to a person, much less a CHILD?
AM I responsible for that? AM I responsible for OW lack of respect & self-control towards me & my kids?
I MIGHT think I was if I was some CO-DEPENDANT, ENABLING, NEEDY, DOORMAT of a WIFE!!!!!!!!!A PROFESSIONAL MFT, that we went to for MONTHS (w/ OC & OW), 2 separate times, KNEW the stress we & our family were under. SHE suggested we cut down on visitations, but she insisted that OC NEEDED us as RELIEF from her MOTHER (OW), & the pressure OC mother put on her (OC). I agreed, I could see THAT coming. That therapist did a LOT for US, helped us hang in there when things were the worst........ALL for the sake of OC.
OW made custody agreements IN FRONT of the therapist, that the therapist recommended, only to say later, "I NEVER agreed to that" & "I only agreed to that to avoid conflict". We found
that insurmountable!SO come on ent? Get real. I play NO part in this falling apart, nor does my H.
WE kept lowering our standards, lowering them to a level to work w/ OW's flat out LYING. IT WAS CRAZY!!!!
Can you blame us for NOT having MORE $$$$$$$$ for ANOTHER lawyer? For NOT being able to take MORE time off of work to file MORE paperwork w/ the courts to enforce orders, or make new ones? That was
also insurmountable.
Do I really need to go into EVERYTHING OW did & tried to do to my family?Do I ent?I mean, I can if you want me too...but then...whew! THAT would be a looooooooooooooooooooong post! LOL
(I've already deleted a bunch)
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You know what ENT, I HOPE you DO keep posting. KEEP posting FOREVER. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Wives come here & ask us for advice, opinions & experiences. We share OUR experiences, give OUR advise AND our opinions-------THEY make thier decisions that are best for THEIR families & WE support them, no matter what that decision is--C or NC.
ALL of us, even lynng-------ALL of us EXCEPT YOU!!!!!
YOU chose C--whoopie----that was YOUR choice.
Why can't you accept that some people DON'T.
WE don't berate you for your choice.
Yet, you choose to berate ANY one w/ NC.
I welcome disagreeing opinions, I'm not afraid of them.
But YOU---if someone even disagrees w/ you--you cry foul!
I think you are upset because some people can,
IN GOOD CONSCIENCE, W/ NO GUILT, make NC decisions. I am one of those people!
I do not feel ONE bit of GUILT for OUR decision for NC. OW has NO responsiblity to MY children & I have NO responsiblity to OC.
Does H feel guilt, yep AND guilt about ever being involved w/ such a wench!
Is it unfair-sure is-that's LIFE!
Was it unfair to MY children-sure was!
IT is unfair to EVERYONE.
AND guess what?
I am a FBW who actually CARED about leveling the playing field for OC.
I treated OC w/ kindness & LOVE even if I didn't 'FEEL' it. Do you think OW ever did anything CLOSE to that for MY children? No, they were of NO concern to her BUT they were a PART of her dd just as OC is a PART of my H. They ALL share that SAME BLOOD in their veins.
But to OW? NOTHING. OC was "HER" dd.
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You can have all the OPINIONS you want.
And go call the WAHmbulance when someone disagrees w/ you!
OC is not the CENTER of the universe & neither is OC the center of MY family.
And BTW-------we STILL do have some C w/ OC, via snail mail-OR does that NOT count for you?
Does it only count when BW are SACRIFICING everything for OC-then it counts?
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IS your 'love-language' 'works/acts of service'? Like you need to have acts of service for you in order to feel loved? People have to DO for you in order for you to feel loved?
And you feel you have to DO for others in order to feel loved?
Are you keeping track of EVERYTHING you DO for OC? So that someday...somewhere...someone will OWE you something for EVERYTHING you DID?
If that's what you are ...fine...good for you.
OR maybe, just maybe, are NOT that comfortable w/ YOUR decision so you continually have the need to put down everyone else who's decision was opposite yours so that you can feel righteous about your decision.
So, you can try to convince yourself that you made the right decision?
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I am NOT responsible for this mess but I sure as heck did MY part of trying to help clean it up.
WE did all we could to 'fix' it just to realize......some things CANNOT be fixed.
duh!
And no, the universe does NOT revolve around BC either, which is why our C even went on for so long anyway even when ds was having problems earlier in it.
And yep, our younger two? They ask about OC. EVERYONE suffers. But they do NOT vomit w/o seeing OC like ds did w/ C w/ OC.
And yep, our 4.5 yo is afraid now that when oldest goes to grandma's to spend the night he will not come back, just like OC.
So EVERYONE gets to hurt ent.
Does that make it more fair to you to hear that MY kids are STILL hurting? Does that make you feel better?
Oh, I know you will probaly just say that if we went into C again then the younger two would feel better! Nope, they would just be moody again, like every time OC had to 'come & go', just like OC was!
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This post is soooooo long...sorry..(you should have seen what I deleted!)..& you guys did a good job of covering it pretty much for me already.
But you know I am NEVER one to shy away from an 'arguement/debate', especially if it is pointed right @ me!
Happy & content w/ OUR decision & OUR life!
xoxoxox
kt
<small>[ January 07, 2005, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>
