Sometimes Im happy and Ok and then other times Im just say damn mad at the situation. As some of you guys have already read ow is not a very stable person and it is affecting oc. She is very young and still sees no need to have a job so therefore she lives from place to place. When things are going great for her she doesnt need us to help raise oc just satisfied with visitation.

WEll a couple of weeks ago she got into an argument with her friend and moved out. We were suppose to have oc for christmas but we could not find her. Well she finally called after x-mas telling us that she was in trouble and needed us to take oc. Well this happens way to often for my liking and it is getting very aggravating. We don't have custody and she gets child support. I asked her when does she think she will have her own place? She responds with in about three months. So we are suppose to continue paying her as well as taking care of him while in our home. H and I both have jobs therfore oc has to go to daycare.

It just seems to me that ow doesn't give a damn about her actions affecting us, and oc. She doesn't care about the money out of pocket while she sits on her [censored] and chill. Im sorry but Im angry and starting to regret getting into this bull **** of a mess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

She has never been rude to me, but her stupid [censored] actions is causing enough damage. I feel like Im having to pick up the pieces for thier mess and I feel its so unfair. Would I have been wrong to deny the oc our home? I feel so guilty at times and then at other times I just want to turn my back. I sometimes think about the problems they caused for my marriage before the oc came about, how inconsiderate H was when he decided to stay gone for three months leaving me and my oldest daughter with no vehicle. I caught the bus every morning to take her to and from school. I can't help thinking about how neglected I was at times, and how no one gave a damn about me and my child. So why should I care about a child created by them? Why should I be giving a %100. I'm just having one of those bad days, or maybe Im just feeling overwhelmed.

H does have a lawyer, and is going to I don't know when, file for custody. Lawyer seems to be in a waiting process and it pisses me off. How long are we to let her take advantage? I want action now so that she knows we are not playing games. I feel as though I dont have any control in this situation. I hate to see oc suffer but sometimes it just takes a toll on me. Why would ow have the child if she could not handle the responsibility? I ask myself this question over and over again. wtf was she thinking?

The workload of dealing with two kids the same age (two months apart) is stressful enough. I do everything while H gets to enjoy because he works two jobs. Oc is not an easygoing toddler to top it off, and I just feel like this is their mess. I try to accept the fact that I may be the one eventually raising this child but it is hard sometimes. It might not be as bad if oc was older. I dont get any time away from them unless I'm working and I'm stressed out.

I have a girlfriend that I talk to that happens to be ow cousin and we talk. Too top it off friend is girlfriend to H best friend. Rumors get started and H and I are arguing. I want to yell you know I was friends with this girl why the hell would you go *f**K her cousin. H is afraid that ow is getting to find out he is seeking custody. What is the secret once you file the papers the court will notify her anyway. He feels like I'm working against him. Oh my gosh!

I want to just wake up one morning to realize this was all just a bad dream.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

NDY, Is your H on the Birth Cert? Do you have the OC now? And where is mom? Will you have the OC for the three mnths.

Sometimes Attorney if one party is digging a good enough hole, will let them dig! KWIM! She is digging sounds like a good case on her self.

WHY do you do this? Cause you have a big heart and you truely care about what happens to the OC.
Doesn't mean its easy or right in other's eyes.

Have you gone to MC or IC? You need to get your frustrations out. I would maybe talking to an IC.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

I understand the part of letting her dig, but then what happens when she returns to get him. We are back at square one. How long? It seems like she needs us when its convient for her.

I have a huge heart everybody tells me this, however I also know H wants custody, and she giving us every chance possible to apply for it. But it's not easy playing this game with her.

I have thought about ic because I just need to talk. I find it hard to talk with people around me because everybody knows somebody who knows her, and information leaks.

His his name on the birth Cert? B-cause if she drops and leaves you can file for abandament. And for three months? WTHeck is that? There is no reason to live your life around her comes and go. That is why it is so important to do everything LEGAL! I'ce yet to see any other arrangment work! But if he is on b/c you dont have to give him back if no custody has been set. Especially since SHE ran off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> But check w/ an attorney b-4 you do anything!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

NDIY:

I agree with Sunny D, if your H name is on the birth certificate you do not have to give OC back to her, and you can file abandonment. I think, too, you should talk to a lawyer before you do anything. But, in my experience, when there isn't a custody agreement possession of the child is 99% of the law. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
We have not seen OC in over six months because there isn't a custody agreement and OW knows that as long as there isn't my H has no legal rights to the child. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> And, I would file a motion to modify the support order. If the child is going to be with you for that long, there is no reason for you to pay support for that child to the mother!

It sounds like your OW is just as juvenile and frustrating as ours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Good luck and keep your chin up!

Ok-stop talkgin to the friends....need to stop that 'info line'.

Tell the lawyer that you need to do this now! It should only take a month for thehearing date BUT there is a way to get TEMPORARY orders NOW...such in the case of OW being homeless & leaving OC w/ you. Talk to the lawyer TODAY! Your case is already here-OW is practically GIVING custody away----------get it NOW while you can.

NO, you are under NO obligation to clean up THEIR mess.

BUt, as sunny says, you are a good person & apparently one of the only stable ones in OC life.

You are, as of now, OC only hope for a stable, secure loving, mother figure.

No it won't be easy----------it's like you have twins or something-you have an excuse for being crazy! LOL

Not only should you be getting custody but you need to file papers RIGHT AWAY to make a modification of CS orders--thsi would count as a SIGNIFIGANT change of circumstances so CS should change to reflect that change and NO---you don't WAIT on this---------the change will ONLY be effective from your date of filing.

SO if you have OC %100 now but don't file papers until NEXT month-you won't get reimbursed for THIS month-KWIM?

HAng in there, hunnybunny.

YOu are reacting very normally. YOu are a GOOD person. YOu are going ABOVE & BEYOND the call of duty.

One thing in OW favor-------@ least she has brains enough to leave OC w/ you guys instead of tryign to live ont eh street w/ oc.

Give her ONE point for thinking of OC------even if its really about her shirking her own responsibility!


Call that lawyer TODAY!


xoxoxoxoxoxox
kt

Not quite sure if H is on birth certificate. He was suppose to be added with name changed for oc, but I dont think it ever got done. At least we have not seen the birth certificate. I have also called child support, but they say we have to file something with the court. I dont want to step on the lawyers toes that my husband already has but I dont like the waiting. She keeps doing this over and over again. I know we have rights? I know I have to stop the communication with certain people and its very lonely because I don't have many people I call friends.

She dropped him off with nothing. No clothes or pampers, and doesn't bring anything for him. I guess she is trying to save the cs to move into her own place. By us keeping him she does not have to worry about taking care of him with the cs money since she doesn't have a job.

I get alot of joy for the kids being together though just watching them play, but when oc doesn't get his way boy can he yelp. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
He enjoys his sis, and he is protective of her until she gets onto his toy car which he loves. Probably one of the things I will be purchasing this weekend. So they can stop the fighting? lol! It's so cute to hear him call her name and her answer. One of the joys of this whole thing. Makes me smile.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just dont want ow feel like she somehow has the uppper hand....by being able to drop him and leave for long periods of time (maintain custody) and collect cs. It does seem like the only stability this child has is with us I'm mommy (not by choice). He calls me that too on his own.

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 03:35 PM: Message edited by: notdoneinyet ]</small>

Well feeling good this afternoon..... Upadate: Husband did call children services on ow to cover himself with child. He told them that she did sign that she was unable at this time to care for oc. Thus he was told that he did not have to release child back to her and to followup with lawyer which he has appointment this week.

Ow did come and get oc to spend weekend with him, because H stated he would not keep child away for her as long as she brought him back.

Working on getting cs suspended until ow can take oc back. Things do seem to be working out, and I only want what is fair to my family and oc. We are taking very good care of him and he is in a stable environment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

YAY! Keep up the good work & keep us posted.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

xoxoxoxxo
kt

Ow came out to the car when I went to pick up the oc, and stated that she wanted to thank me for what I was doing! I wanted to say so bad Im not doing this for you..........but anyway..

One thing Im thankful for is that ow is very respectful to me, and I have always demanded it from day one.

H met with lawyer yesterday and has filed custody papers, now just waiting for her to be served. H was told that he will continue to pay the cs until the court day.

I also told my H that I'm hoping that its works out for us and oc because Im really tired of the rollarcoaster ride that ow is taking us through. Wish us all the luck.

Good luck, you will be in my prayers

Be Strong

You are doing what is best for the child, that is what is important.

Best of luck. Prayers are with you