Well last night the horrible OW called to say she was going to hospital. We unplugged the machine but she kept calling. Pretty soon she had her mother call my H.....the baby was born at 210 this morning.....I had to leave work early because I hadn't gotten any sleep....... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

First please get some sleep. Dont focus on that try to think about something else, do something special for yourself. Luckily noone told me oc was born. I found out two weeks later by a friend. No husband did not go to delivery.....not ow right! You guys should really look into changing your number until ow can learn to behave herself. Anything ow needs comes through me first, because they proved they could not be trusted. Sorry have to go off work now.... good luck... and take care of YOU!

Hurt-- when we received the news from H's sister on the phone.... and H told me.. I instantly (like a reflex or something??) threw a glass of water in his face-- said I HATE YOU and left the house for hours...!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

So... let me tell you... you are doing much better than I did ALREADY.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now I want to tell you something VERY important sweetie.

NOTHING has changed from the day before today-- NOTHING. You just feel it has-- but NOTHING has changed. Its all the same for you, for your M. It was coming, it was in the sh*tty plan from the day you found out.. SO repeat after me

NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

Now here is what I proceeded to do to further WRECK and DAMAGE the recovery process BEGINNING THE DAY THE BABY WAS BORN.

I went into a funk. I became depressed, mean to H and digressed back to my own little hell. I cried, I threw things, I threw punches and objects for weeks.

And our marriage fell apart AGAIN -- and this time--- IT WAS BECAUSE OF ME-- because *I* let this (well known and anticipated event) WRECK ME-- for what???? For nothing- because *I* allowed myself to engage in a pity party for myself and I was the only attendee from that point on. My H thought I was making steps, because I was! And then I let myself fall to pieces.

And then my H and I completely fell apart again. And then he began to drift away because I was unmanagable and I lost it. I didn't control ANYTHING - the word LOVEBUSTING had my name next to it in the MB dictionary.

Then my H started getting drunk everynight and we started going out all night to p*ss each other off... and then he screwed another girl twice and then I packed the house up and left...

Shall I continue? Nah-- I think you can see that while you are hurting today, and you have darn good reason to be hurting---- you need to NOT take steps back-- it is destructive to you, to H and to your recovery.

My H told me after our REAL reconciliation in May of 04, that all I had to do when I was enraged was fall into his arms and tell him how badly I was hurting the day OC was born.. and to continue to ask him for his help by holding me or kissing me or holding my hand through it. (now there's a thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) I did not want him near me-- I was fine one day-- getting so close to him and THEN I pushed him away and tortured him.

I am not saying you WILL do anything remotely close to mimic my ridiculous behaviour that day due to my emotions---- BUT-- I feel it is VERY valuable for you to see how fragile EVERYONE is right now on this day-- INCLUDING your H, who you are CHOSING to stay with and LOVE and RECONCILE WITH.

Be there for one another-- let him hold you while you hurt-- be as reasonable as one can be today because the man you love is in fact having a hard day today inside- whether he is showing it or not. LEAN ON each other, okay?

(((((( Hurt )))))) I know this is so hard. I have tear in my eye right now just remembering this day for me, one year ago this month.. you will survive all of this!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

TAKE A VERY DEEP BREATH!

Take it easy on yourself....& like gio so very eloquently said.....NOTHIN HAS CHANGED!

Grab some cash & go do SOMETHING for YOU---for me it would be a pedicure because I usually do them myself-so that would be a splurge!

For you----whatever your tender heart desires.

You can do this.

Get a good strong shoulder to cry on if you need too.

Whatever-how 'bout you and H spend the evening CELEBRATING your commitment to EACH OTHER! Go out to dinner AND have DESSERT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Don't give another thought to OW!
SHE is NOT your concern & neither is OC!
*******************

{{{{{{{{{{hugs hunnybunny!}}}}}}}}}}

This too shall pass.................


xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo
kt

Thank u everyone. As for grabbing cash, well I did that when I came home to find out they towed our mustang because of the snow plows. There went 90$ down the drain! So that was great. I hit a wall this afternoon that I never knew existed. So when my H got home and we went and picked up the car, we came home and I just dropped into his arms and cried. He turned from being this BIG man to a sensitive person whom listened to all my tears and pain. I know he is hurting too but he knows how much I am hurting as well. I don't want our marriage to fall apart again so we know that together we are a team and need to work together. We aren't sure how we are going to do things financially but my H said today, at least we have each other (even if they turn off the power). That made me smile because usually he is SO worried about money but today, that didn't effect him. My H usually goes away on his days off to work another job but he isn't going this weekend because he knows how much I need him. I guess when it rains, it pours so I'm waiting for a little bit of sunshine to break through. Take care and thank you so much for all your concerns! *tears*

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You hit a wall? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> YOu mean like a car accident?

ARE YOU OKAY? Were you hurt?

Well,I guess it's safe to assume that since you're posting you aren't too shook up except for mentally/emotionally.

IT will get better.

Big, BIG, BIG hugs to you.

Great that H is being there for you.

You both need each other.

xoxoxoxoxxox
kt

Sorry, I meant I hit a wall emotionally. I think today was the LOWEST day I've EVER had. Just because of the re-experience of Dday all over again, finding out the OW was pregnant and then her giving birth to the baby. But I told myself that today is the only day I can feel THIS bad. I know I just can't get over it but tomorrow is going to be a day that is focused on my H and me and the little one. We don't have a lot of time to spend together so tomorrow we are taking our lab out to play in the snow down by the river. I'm sure he will love that because our dog loves the snow.

The day I found out I got very drunk on margaritas. H and I got into it. It was a very tough time. Whatever steps we had been making in recovery, went backwards for a short while. We had just returned from a wonderful weekend trip the day XOW went into labor. In our case H went to the hospital- not to see XOW, but to see OC. XOW's mom told H "I understand you are married and you and your wife are trying to work things out? If XOW did this on purpose, she's going to have to learn that she's got to handle things on her own." How pathetic that even XOW's mom thinks she got pregnant of purpose! Anyway, I'm trying to say things went backward again for a little while. It's been a little over 6 months and I think H and I are happier than we've ever been. It was a little easier to recover from the birth, than from Dday. Please follow the advice of the others and take care of yourself. Do things that make you feel better. I know I never stopped working out through everything and I think that was a saving grace. You have to work on yourself emotionally. It sounds like H is there for you and I'm glad for that. I think my h was such a wreck himself it took a while for him to be helpful to me. He tried, but it just wasn't enough at the time. I felt like a basket case. I am proud to say I don't cry near as often as I once did-there was a while it was a daily occurence. I feel good, H and I get along great in spite of XOW's antics. I don't want a divorce, but now I know if it came to that I will be OK.

Well its been a pretty hard rollercoaster ride the last day and a half. But my H is home with me so that makes things better. The OW called last night (with a totally different number trying to fool us) and my H and I were sleeping on the couch. The machine picked up and there she was on the machine being so NONE effected by ANYTHING, hi there mike if you are home, please pick up, I REALLY need to talk to you.....I then unplugged the machine to cut her off. She has called my H's cell 3 times today in a matter of a few hours. I'm not sure what she could POSSIBLY want. He WILL not sign any paperwork until the paternity is done and he had a LEGAL contract or whatever that says he is the father. *sigh* But on a positive note, its snowing pretty hard out here but its so beautiful. I am from California and we moved to the east coast in 2003 for the military. It is our second winter but it still gets me everytime how pretty and peaceful it is when it snows!

Hurt,
I'm sorry for your pain. Hang in there and be nice to yourself.

What a nuisance xow is!!! These women just don't get it.

Hugs,
J.
(6yo OC, visitation started 2004)

I remember the day I found out that the OC had been born. My xWS and I had been working on reconciliation after having been divorced. You know, that time when you come clean and are open and honest with one another? Well, I didn't find out about the birth from my X. I found out from a friend who goes to the same A.A. recovery meetings as he and the OW. She calls me saying "well how are you feeling now that the baby's born?" I had no idea the baby had been born! He had been born almost one week before her call. She also said that there was a possibility that the baby had Down Syndrome (he did). I freaked out. Thinking about the possibility of helping raise an OC when I was 47 yrs old was difficult enough. Having him be a special needs child really felt overwhelming.

Well the XWS was coming over later that night. I decided to purchase two cards. One was for the X saying "congratulations on your new son", and the other one was for the X to give to the OC. The X opened the first card and about dropped his teeth, surprised that I knew. I had him open the other card for the "OC". On the front it said "With Deepest Sympathy"...Inside the card I wrote a little note welcoming the OC to our world, telling him he deserved to be loved and have the very best in life. I then extended my sympathy that he was stuck with a self-centered whore for a mother and a father who had no morals. Again, my X's jaw about dropped. He never thought I could get that angry. Obviously I never intended for the OC to ever get this card. I then flew into a rage that even I didn't know I had in me! I ripped my X up one side and down the other...and kept going! Many of the words that flew out of my mouth were vulgar and mean. Even I hardly recognized myself! I am typically a very kind, compassionate, patient, caring person. Oh well...we all have a bad day now and then! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />