KT, I agree w/ you. H was friends w/ XOW, says the A was only sexual. He has not really said any thing bad about XOW (that's all me!) He wants to think she will be a good mother, and if he thinks she can't be than would feel we should fight for custody. He actually gets annoyed at times w/ me when I talk about XOW. He's afraid my feelings for XOW will come across to OC. I believe XOW's anger is from things not turning out the way she hoped (w/ my H.) She seems to take it all out on me. She wants H around OC, but not me. She knows I don't like her, so maybe she would feel I would not treat her child properly, but I don't think it is necessarily anything H or I did. And I do agree, these are all things she should have thought about before she had a child w/ a married man! I've tried to be as civil as I can force myself to be, but she makes it very difficult!

Yes, that is what happened w/ us as well, @ first.

Which is funny...becuase H NEVER said a bad word about OW @ first........& I believe he NEVER said a bad word to her about me.

I was the one who was 'against' OW from the beginning becuase I could see right through her games. Took H a little bit longer...(how else do you explain OW being upset that visits don't include her anymore, or requesting H come to visits alone, w/o me & the ktbunch!?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Once he saw that it was all games.........& the way OW started treating ME & the ktbunch, using OC as a pawn .........THEN H began to dislike OW---when the true colors started coming out.

IT is very, very, sad.

I think OW actually thought that H was gonna immediately bad-mouth her from the beginning, (why would she be afraid of that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) so she was immediately on teh defensive & wanted to tell me the 'truth' about 'everything'.

We ahd no desire to dredge up the 5 yo past......it wasn't about that anymore. kwim?

WE were focused on OC---------NOT the A--we were very well PAST it until OW insisted on bringing it up so often---whenever there was a visitation disagreement! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

whatever!
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Here I am getting sucking in!

hhhhmmmmm.........about that forgiveness thing.........?


LOL

xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxox
kt

Well I will say that in my case when we where seperated, I WAS the bride of Chucky! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So I'm not so sure I would give my child to someone like that. Case is she didn't know anything else about me. Did I have a reason to be the bride, YEP! sure did! The point is we dont know what WS told OW. And vise versa. But it is what we ALL have to work though.

I know when you sleep w/MM and choose to keep the child ALOT of OW use them as pawns! Look at MO3B! Cant tell me that her ow isn't looking for her to get rid of him so he will come running to her. Same way my OW thought and felt. Others have the child and take the money and run! I think every situation is different! Unless the BS / WS / OW all get to a point where they can and do go own with their lives there will ALWAYS be something dramatic going on. How many BS find out and loose it? The OW calls them and spouts off stuff to hurt and we just loose it. Say things that we would NEVER say! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know if it hadn't been for my attorney friend, I KNOW I would have done worst!

I think in order to forgive, there will have to be compassion. There has to be an understanding on how, and why this has happened. Reguardless of who was brain dead and was told what. And granted the BS was betrayed the most. The two other people KNEW there was someone else trusting the other person. KWIM. Do you live with the doubt for the rest of your life? Do you come to a place where you say OK I'm staying in my M and I will give up the hate, work though the hurt and someday learn to trust?

Do you trust a serial OW? or WS? That would be hard! Can you have compassion for them and pray for them? I think with the help from God, I can. In order to make ME a better person! No one that lives with the hate, hurt and anger. I can forgive the OW, dont have to trust her. I have to learn to trust the person that I chose to stay M to and work on our relationship. Can I make the OW get over her pain, hurt, anger? Or H? no just pray that they do.

Do I stand at judgement day and have Christ tell me "You went though your tribulations and gave me the glory from how you handled it" Or will he weep for me because of what I did / said during my tribulation. He dont care WHO gave me the trial, just how I handled them. And to me, that is the most important thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I agree w/ that sunny!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think THAT kind of attitude might be what sets OW on guard---they expect to be cussed out, hated & despised by BW. THey expect BW to hate thier child........maybe becuase they would....I don't know.

But probably becuase, somewhere they think they deserve that kind of treatment. Some OW might act all defensive, & try to portray that they are 'innocent' but it is all just an act. THat's what I think.

IT's the mature human being that can say-"Hey, I was WRONG & probably stupid, I see that now AND I'm NOT that person any more". And the mature person who can recognize that in the other as well.

I think that is how we finally get to the point of forgiving & loving FWS again. It might be harder towards an OW who is not @ that place yet of admitting their own role in this mess.

Just as FBS DOES acknowledge that while they are NOT responsible for FWS A------we do somehow play a role in the demise of our marriages to get to that vulnerable spot in the first place.

kwim?

It takes maturity all around. It's not always easy but it IS possible to forgive every party of this action.....even ourselves.

That's what I think, @ least.

xoxoxoxoxoxxo
kt

KT you are so right. I qutie you.

QUOTE:

H NEVER said a bad word about OW @ first........& I believe he NEVER said a bad word to her about me.

I was the one who was 'against' OW from the beginning becuase I could see right through her games. Took H a little bit longer

I think OW actually thought that H was gonna immediately bad-mouth her from the beginning, (why would she be afraid of that? ) so she was immediately on teh defensive & wanted to tell me the 'truth' about 'everything'.
Un Quote.

DOnt know why OW are scared of us, **** they really should be though. But i have learned to just try to move on, not worry about her so much, she has NEVER met me a day in her life, and I would like to keep it that way for a while. The less I see and know about her the better. I am just going to try to move on with my M and be the best wife I can be.

I will never forgive OW and if that makes me a bad person then so be it.

oops started new topic

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

Well, even though this thread is kind of old, I guess I should reply to it.

As most of you know, the OW my husband got involved with turned out to be a psychopath and literally made my life hell for quite a few months. It got to the point that I was constantly looking over my shoulder, and questioning my sanity. I guess that's her specialty.

Well, now that she's out of our lives, I've had the peace and quiet to be able to sort out my feelings toward her and her actions toward me.

I feel that I've forgiven her. She's so mentally ill, that I actually feel sorry for her. What kind of life has she chosen for herself? I really feel sorry for her when she stands before God and is shown all the evil things that she's done to hurt people for the sake of monetary gain. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes on Judgement Day.

At this point, I can only pray that God brings someone into her life that shows her The Truth (Jesus) and that she seeks Him to be forgiven and healed.

She's just another victim of satan and probably doesn't realize that she's been used.

Arabesque,
I am glad you responded to the thread. Your last comment about the OW being used by Satan and not knowing it is something I have thought about.

My H OW was his first serious girlfriend in HS and his parents didn't approve and broke them up. (It is very ironic that NOW they love her and tried to break up our marriage instead!) My H and a friend they both new in HS were discussing the dilema and the friend said he thought that Satan planted the seed for this affair 24 years ago. Then according to his plan, brought it around when my H was weak and it felt like he was young and in HS again and he fell.

Satan's main goal, I believe, is to break up families. Then there is misery all around and dysfunctional kids and parents and the cycle continues and Satan is happy. He wins! This thought is one of the reasons I decided to stay and try to save my family, if possible. I does make me feel less angry at OW for her part. Although I had forgotten this feeling for awhile until you reminded me that Satan is alive and well and he is after our families!

Take care everyone! Don't let Satan win a single soul! Your efforts to save your M and your families will be rewarded by God and you can change the outcome of Satan's plans.

<small>[ January 20, 2005, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: LBelle ]</small>