He talked to OW yesterday and suggested that if she dropped the CS arrears he would reliquish his parental rights. OW wanted to think about it. She called him about two hours later (after speaking with her lawyer, I assume) and said that her lawyer would draw up the paperwork and they have an appointment on Thursday to go over it. My MIL said that she would pay for a lawyer to look it over as well, to make sure that everything is on the up and up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't know if I'm relieved or just in shock. I told H I thought OW would scoff at the idea, considering my H owes her $4,000 in arrears and pays her $200 a month in CS. I was surprised to hear that she went for it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

H truly believes that OC will have a calmer, happier life not having to deal with H and OW fighting over her all of the time. OW is extremely emotional, just dealing with a phone call from my H puts her in a spin for two days. I guess my H may be right, but how do you truly know what's in OC's best interest?

I'm not even sure if the court will allow it, but I guess we'll see.

I don't know, I think I'm feeling somewhat let down. After four and a half years of struggling to be a part of OC's life, it seems like a waste to just drop it. But, like I told my H, I'm not sure that it would've ever gotten any easier. OW has fought tooth and nail to keep us away from OC, H put up a good fight, and no one can ask him to keep fighting when there's no gaurantee OW will ever become accomodating. We don't have the money to fight her in court, and we'd rather spare OC from long, drawn-out, and emotionally draining court battle.

I just hope H doesn't kick himself in the @ss for the rest of his life. But, it's his decision to make. I'm proud of him for being able to realize when enough is enough. I will miss that little girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If he has doubts he can retain his parental rights but give OW FULL CUSTODY..........

Just an idea.
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But I completely understand. WE were fighting for over 2 years...jsut over visits......CS was done.....so waht was the motivation? Purely to impeded OC relationship w/ us!

It's frustrating, it's sad, diappointing. Yep...all of the above.

Eventually, you have used up all yoru rescources & there you go. Emotionally, mentally, physically & financially.........that's it.

Someone has to be mature & stop the fighting.

I completely understand.

We were right there w/ ya on that.

Even the therapist that worked w/ ALL of us finally came to the conclusion that we did what we could & in the end.....NC was the right decision for now.

Our family needed peace.

Now you can focus on your marriage & relationsip w/ H. Teh healing will begin, y ou can process all the feelings that may have been suppressed in order to deal w/ the OC issue.

YOu will be ok.

OC will be ok.

God created her for a reason.
He knows & has a plan for each of us. HE will take care of her. She will be ok.

Take care of yourself & your family now.


xoxoxoxoxxoxox
kt

Thanks, KT. I appreciate the support. It's a very difficult decision for us to make, but we can't handle how the OW affects our relationship any longer. And we know it can't be good for any of the children (ours or OC) to have this unstable, on again off again relationship. In the end, we've always got to do what's best for the children.

In Colorado, under normal circumstances, the courts will only terminate a father's rights if there is a step-parent on OW's side who will step up and take responsibility for the child. We're hoping they will make an exception in this case, since OW will not contest. But, if they won't, we have decided that NC is the best thing, and my H will sign over full physical and legal custody to OW. And if we still have to pay CS and arrears, so be it.

We just want the nightmare to be over and find some peace.

Thanks.

AVNL: More than likely the judge is NOT going to allow your husband to terminate his rights. The ow can however be granted full sole/physical/primary custody and your husband will still have to pay his share of the expenses for the oc. In MOST states unless there is someone to adopt the child (like you said a step parent or something) or it's proven that money is no object on the mothers side, they are not going to grant tremination.........even with that it's hard cause they are looking out for the children not the adults and just in case he changes his mind later on.

NTMO,

We figured it was a possibility that the courts wouldn't allow it, and have decided that if that is the case, he'll just give her full legal and physical custody. It isn't that we mind paying the child support, but it's very difficult to be supporting a child that we are not allowed to have any contact with, it doesn't seem fair to the father, you know? I've tried to suggest to my H that he just take the minimum amount of visitation that the law allows him. But I think he can't bring himself to deal with the OW anymore. She treats him as though he isn't at all important in her child's life and completely cuts all contact off on a whim. She's also made it quite clear that court-ordered visitation isn't going stop her from "protecting her daughter if she sees the need". With OW "need" is any point where she feels we do not handle things exactly as she would. She refuses to allow my H to mold and shape her daughter the way a father generally does. It's just very difficult.

I don't completely agree with my H decision, but it isn't my choice. And, in all honesty, the selfish part of me that wants to rebuild my marriage is relieved.

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: aVictimNoLonger ]</small>