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Joined: Sep 2004
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Ok here it goes. So my husbands Aunt found a notice in the newspaper, tell my mother in law who tells my husband. My husband gets the paper and this is what it reads.

State of CT Superior Court Juvenile Matter

Order of notice to (my husbands name)formerly of (town)(hubby never lived in that town), CT and presently of parts unknown.

A petition/motion has been filed seeking:

Commitment of minor child(ren) of the above named or vesting of custody and care of said child(ren) of the above named in a lawful, private or a suitable and worthy person.

The petition whereby the court's decision can affect your parental rights, if any, regarding minor child(ren) will be heard on: at:

It then states that of ordering the notice in the paper, and at the very bottom it says if it is proven inability to pay for a lawyer that a court will provide one for him.

Ok a bit of a history lesson. Affair lasted a few weeks (june of 03) at the end of which she got pregnant, months later he recommited himself and had absolutly no contact since. She gave birth (we heard through word of mouth) in april of next year. We have had no contact with her or anyon e associated with her, no contact with OC as well. My husband chooses it that way, he knows eventually he will be brought to court for child support and all that.

So what does that all mean? Why would he be going to a juvenile court? Ussually custody child suport matters are held at the adult superior courts. Maybe it isn't my husband? Since he never lived in that town. Although she never knew exactly where we lived but she knew what town.

All very confusing to me, can't they ever write that stuff in english? just kidding, lol. Anyway thanx for any help!

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Sounds like someone is seeking to terminate parental rights maybe to have the child placed for adoption. But before they can get something like that done, they usually have to get permission of both parents. If one can't be found, then notices like these are placed in newspapers to see if it rouses the other parent to come forth. Sometimes mothers give the wrong location so that there is less of a chance for the real father to be found and the adoption can go through without any complications from him.

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I was actually thinking that, that maybe she intentionally gave bad information becouse say she had the kid taken away or something along those lines and didn't want him to have a say. But why couldn't they just look him up in the state computer for say motor vehicle to find where he lives? Last we knew though is that she wanted to keep the child. This kid will be 1 in april, I don't know. If she didn't want him to know why even give his name? It isn't like he is on the birth certificate. I don't know, but thanx for the input. The big question is why juvenile court?

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Depending on your state's court system, some juvenile systems have general jurisdiction over youthful offender cases, adoption, termination of parental rights proceedings, and guardianship cases. This smacks of any of the last three.

(I have a degree in juvenile justice and have some experience in this matter but I mostly handled the offenders but would often have to send reports to the other areas.)

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Interesting, thanx for your help, you said you had a degree in that type of feild, I didn't think they could do this but could they order him to take custody for some reason? I didn't think so but he was worried about that. But does this sound like a proceeding toward custody/child support? Would they allow paternity testing before we have to make a say? uhg, this is torture, waiting for tuesday to find out what this is all about.

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oh, nevermind, you don't have to answer any of that if you don't want to, lol. I'm just being the impatient girl I am.

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Hello,
It sounds like the state might have custody or something in that matter. Using, they don't child support stuff in the paper. That is confidently in most states. Sounds like someone might want to adopt the child.


Dawn

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thanx dawn, this is just so weird. I think this website is the only place where this is such the common thing, that must be why, everyone looking for support wouldn't be able to find it locally, or with such a large and active group as here. It is a great service. But I feel as though it is just so unreal.

My family doesn't know about this, I hope they don't read the notices. If so we will probably lie and say it must be someone else. I hate lying! What I hate more though is my family being more dissapointed by me and my hubby. My hubby has been so good and my family has just finally started getting along with him, this could put a really big dent in our family relationship. Anyway I'm rambling, it is 1:30 am, yucky. thanx for all your help!

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My sister had her XH's rights to my neice terminated. He was good w/ her, but was constantly in and out of jail, didn't pay child support etc... Since he was good w/ her, my neice adored him-it was extremely difficult for him to keep coming in and out of her life, and he always use to threaten to kidnap her. In our state if the dad is not in contact (any kind) for 1 year than you can terminate their rights. My sister used one of the times he was in jail to do this. (He never use to write, call, etc... when he was in jail.) In her case, there was no one waiting to adopt my neice. She was terrified he would eventually kidnap her. He never has to pay CS again, but can have no contact w/ her. He's tried once-but she did not accept the money he tried to give her, and actually my neice was the one to answer the door- she was furious w/ him. She kept asking him where he had been. That's the last we heard from him.

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aww, poor kid. I wish we had the same law! My oldest son his father is a very physically abusive, prob abit clinically phycotic, lunatic! He is on SS becouse of his head problems, so he is not required to pay support by law. I don't see how they can grant such a sicko any rights, but hey they give murderers visitation rights. I think that is so stupid! The father of my son has the right to supervised visits for a time and maybe unsupervised visits in the future. I think I had a bad lawyer though. My ex doesn't want supervised visits, he wants unsupervised, so he has tried many times in the past to hassle me about it. Last time he was on parole and I found his parole officer and he told him to not contact, to only do it through his lawyer. That helps. I am litterally scared for my life though, it has been alomst six years since we have been apart and almost every night I worry he is gonna come crashing through my house and put a gun to my head and kidnap my son. I know he does want to kidnap him, he told me before about wanting to take off to PR with him and never return. I think if he had a chance where he thought he could get away with it he would. I really do hate the court systems here!

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btw congratulations!

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but could they order him to take custody for some reason? I didn't think so but he was worried about that. But does this sound like a proceeding toward custody/child support? Would they allow paternity testing before we have to make a say? uhg, this is torture, waiting for tuesday to find out what this is all about.

No they couldn't make anyone take custody but they do have the responsibility of trying to locate the missing parent first before other steps are taken. And yes, paternity testing would most likely be done to make sure he was indeed the father to prevent any legal bumblings later on.

Now I do know of cases in which the the missing parent was located, paternity was established, custody wasn't sought by that parent, child was kept in foster care and that located parent was made to pay child support to the state for the care of that child.

It sounds like the state might have custody or something in that matter. Using, they don't child support stuff in the paper. That is confidently in most states. Sounds like someone might want to adopt the child.

Or the mother has been determined to be an unfit mother and since the child is still young, there is still a good chance for adoption if placed at this age. As children get older, they become harder to adopt and are more likely to be bounced around in the foster care system.

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Although we prefer to go on with our lives as it is, we will take responsibility if there was no other person in his family willing and with the means to take care of this child. Although we have three children of our own and at poverty level in a small apartment so we wouldn't be the best thing either. Uhg I hate saying that but it is true, although we both got jobs and 1 or both of us will be going to college again next week, so I am at peace with it.

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Hello,
No one can be order to take a child if they don't want too. If he wants he can responsibility for the child. Otherwise, he can terminate all legal rights to the child, that means child support too. But it also means he can never see the child again.

However, they would have to establish paternity first because he is not even on the birth certificate. There should be an adress or phone number in there if you have any questions. So, he can call to see if this his for him or not. My H has a common name so it could be for somebody else. He should probably call the court taking care of this and they can give him more information. Or Junevinle court in that county.


Dawn

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Smurfgirl,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My oldest son his father is a very physically abusive, prob abit clinically phycotic, lunatic! He is on SS becouse of his head problems, so he is not required to pay support by law. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your son's father is on Social Security Disability, your son should qualify for a dependent's portion...which should come to you as his caretaker. Now, if your ex is on Supplemental Security Income benefits, that's a different story.

You should check into this.

LC

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Otherwise, he can terminate all legal rights to the child, that means child support too. But it also means he can never see the child again.


To my knowledge he can not terminate parental rights without the mothers consent, and last he spoke to her over a year ago this was not an option.

Lady, I think he is on supplemental. He is on welfare and supplemental, he is untouchable, yet he is able to have all rights provided by court.

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I took initiative and called the court this morning. (hubby works third) Apparently the child is in dcf custody and at a foster home, becouse of neglect. I wonder if it was truelly neglect or becouse dcf just didn't like how she was raising the child, I hope it is #2. All day I have been feeling bad about the situation. My husband told me before that she took good care of her first son. Although spending at times all day with my husband and leaving her 1 yr old with her mother who has fibro myalsia, to do so doesn't seem very responsible, esp since her son still nursed and had an attachment disorder. But he thinks any amount of what she said to him could of been a lie.

To tell the truth I feel so bad for this child, and so disgusted that hubby can't see the sence in at the very least making sure he is ok, or just who he is. We have no name, no bday, he can't disassociate the baby from the affair. He wants nothing to do with her. I have in the past actually thought of leaving him becouse he was willing to basically abandon this child. I was abused and neglected as a kid, I never knew my father till I was like 12, so it really bugs me. Also the whole out of sight out of mind thing, once he is called to responsibility, given paternity test and all that, will he finally even come to terms with the fact that he has a
OC. Otherwise he would rather just be in oblivious happiness. Uhg I have a flake for a husband.

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If he is found the father wont he be responsible to pay the state CS?

I think that he should not even respond to the hearing unless he wants full custody. I think if the OW gets wind of him being involved that may just renew her interest in being a mom and collecting on the CS and of course the lovely CONTACT with your husband.
Just my thoughts.

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From everything I've ever read, if he is proven to be the father he WILL have to pay the state CS AND have to pay back any welfare the child has used up until this time.

It would be better for child to be w/ you guys in a loving stable home then to be left in the foster care system don't you think?

If he got full custudy, he would only be financially responsible for the time before that.

This is very sad, very very sad.

Yes, H probably just wishes it could all be avoided but now---it's front and center-better to go to the hearing & face it now rather than later.

He will have to pay unless that child gets adopted but that would also mean that OW be willing to give up her rights but until then, the state will hold H financially responsible if the child is proven to be his.

Hope this works out for you all.

sincerely,
kt

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If he is found the father wont he be responsible to pay the state CS?

I think that he should not even respond to the hearing unless he wants full custody. I think if the OW gets wind of him being involved that may just renew her interest in being a mom and collecting on the CS and of course the lovely CONTACT with your husband.
Just my thoughts.


First and formost there will never be contact between us and OW, we will go through the courts for everything concerning her. Although we could just not show up for the court thing, I at the very least would like my husband to care for his welfare, so I am hoping he will choose to do so. As far as support My husband makes nill, and he goes to college so I don't see them taking much, whatever they do take they are taking out of our childrens mouth becouse right now the ends don't support the means.


It would be better for child to be w/ you guys in a loving stable home then to be left in the foster care system don't you think?

I'm not sure if we would be better. I don't think we could handle two babies 4 months apart, We only have a small two bedroom (we won't even be allowed to have this child without a three bdrm) We also have two other children. As I said above we can't even afford everything we need right now. So maybe a foster home might be better. Quite frankly I think my hubby really couldn't handle it atleast not now. and uhg, my family doesn't even know about the A and OC.

Although, going beyond my hubbies wishes his mother who is certified to foster members of the family says she wants to take the child even if hubby doesn't. Which is kinda shocking becouse she has never shown interest in trying to meet this child, although she is one of those strong/ I can handle everything myself kind of woman and doesn't express her wants and needs much. I don't agree with her going beyond my hubbies wishes, but I really just don't know right now. I think I will just take whatever as it comes.

I'm just abit in shock, scared, it's just all so new, and a scenario that we never thought it would come to.

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