I have some posters blasting me in emotional needs- telling me I should leave ex alone, because he and OW and OC are a family. I would agree if they were married. They aren't though. And OW has a child with her ex. She only sees that child every other weekend. But aren't they a family, if you look at it the same way?
I don't want to be OW at all, but I feel like I was his wife, and that gets discarded because he has OC with OW. But what if he is miserable with OW? He has to make the decision to leave, and I don't know that he would, and I want the best for OC - two loving parents for sure...but I also believe in the truth of the Bible. I don't know where it says that they are a family because they live together? And that I am "meddling" as one poster said, in that family??
Confused and wanting to be at peace!!
I am at peace for amends made at least.

I responded on 'that' thread for you.

I completely disagree w/ that idea of family.

Read about Abraham, Sarah & Hagar, in the bible.

See what you think of that.

Hang in there hunny-bunny.

xoxoxoxoxoxxox
kt

kt, you are awesome. Be content wrote after you did- I didn't understand really what she was even saying, but she seems to think I am under some guise to cause trouble. Your response was wonderful - truthful, held under scripture- with accountability. Thanks so much!!!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Adgirl48

adgirl48,
I'm divorced too. Sometimes I wonder if I had found MB before the divorce, if I would have continue with it or not ...
But, the truth is that we are divorced now and not even close to "closure" ...

I read the thread in EN ...
I'm sorry that you got some of those comments ... situations get more complicated when there is an OC involved ... and emotions too. Well, especially emotions. The sad truth is that people not in your situation or close to your situation, will have a hard time understanding the whys ... why do you want to make ammends with him? why do you want him back? why do you want to have a relationship with him?
why are you here if this is a marriage builders forum?
I even got (from a friend) a "Accepting his OC means that you accepted what he did to you and you are ok with that." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I do have feelings for OC ... but it does not feel for me that accepting OC means that I accepted his infidelity and lies.

Going back to your question: What is a family??
Right now I don't know. WxH is living by himself now. He says he is not with OW ... we talked a lot during these past weeks ... It is clear to me that I don't want my marriage back ... since something was wrong in our relationship that gave space for him to have an A with OW ... I don't want to go through the roller-coaster again of the past year ...
I still love him ...
I want to have a healthy relationship with him ... right now, we agreed that he needs time for himself and time for us to rebuild what we once had. In the meantime we are 'dating' ...

Does that make us a family? It sure feels that way when we are together.
But does that make a family with WxH, OW and OC when they are together? That hurts ...
He lived with OW for 6 months. Half of them we were still married, half of them we were divorced.
Does that mean that after we got divorced I became the OW? No.
I don't know ... I think I got more confused now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Anyway, do you have a copy of "The Power of a Praying Wife?"
I pray for WxH to find his way ...

That is a great book! I'm working on The Power of a Praying Woman right now.

I bought that one and The Power of a Praying Woman and The Power of Praying Parents

ktbunch,
I read Sarah, Hagar's and Abraham's story. Whoa, that is interesting stuff. The Bible really is an amazing book- wish I picked it up more often!!!
I thought it was interesting that Hagar's son was still blessed, God just didn't make his covenant with Him.
And how Sarah laughed at the thought of being pregnant at her age- yet God said "HELLO, is anything too difficult for me!!"
Thanks for referring the story to me.
I should have known it myself for as long as I have been a believer- but unfortunately didn't, so I appreciate you helping me to get in the Word.
Hope you have had a good weekend.
xoxoxoxoxoxo,
Adgirl48


And Mily,
Accepting OC is not accepting the affair. Those friends don't understand. How can they really unless they go through it though? I see the child as an innocent victim in the whole mess and want the best for her.
I dont' want my old marriage back- I just want to have hope for a new marriage - a new life. With my ex or another Godly man. I do have a copy of Power of a Praying Wife- and I started it today. It is awesome.
I do not really see myself as OW- In my opinion, OW got into a relationship with my H. They were both at fault- but if that bond that was broken can be rebuilt, I think God would honor that. But ex-h has to choose that. That's the hardest part- I can't fix him! It's hard to wait on the Lord for things, but I know it is best to do just that.
When did you get divorced?
adgirl48

Coming from an ow adgirl........I don't think that by accepting your husband back your conding what your husband did. As far as you being the ow? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I have to laugh. I really don't have an answer to that. It kindof is funny though, the thought of it. I just don't know...probally not. But who am I? An xow who runs her mouth toooooooo much. Maybe offically in the eyes of the public you maybe......but don't even worry about that thought. If I were you.........I would take it one day at a time. Watch and see what happens. YOu never know what tomorrow is going to bring. The only true way your going to see if your relationship will work is to see if it's two sided and what his actions are. I wish you good luck with which ever way it goes.

adgirl48,
Our divorce was final in May of last year.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I dont' want my old marriage back- I just want to have hope for a new marriage - a new life. With my ex or another Godly man. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm with you on this!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> They were both at fault- but if that bond that was broken can be rebuilt, I think God would honor that. But ex-h has to choose that. That's the hardest part- I can't fix him! It's hard to wait on the Lord for things, but I know it is best to do just that.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly!!!
If there is something I've learned from all of this, is patience ... patience, patience, patience ...
Affairs have to die of natural cause ... if you try to kill them, you're probably giving them more to live on ...
I think, just now, WxH is seeing OW as she is ... and seeing all the damage he's done ...
These things take time, they need time ...
I want to have a new, better relationship with xH ... but it is not going to happen toworrow, or in one week, or in one month, or who knows if even in one year from now ...
He needs to find himself, fix himself, work on himself ...
Is your xH going to counseling?
That was one of the things that I told WxH as 'conditions' if he wanted to come back: NC with OW only for OC matters, go to IC and if later needed, go to couples counseling, start our relationship slowly ... very slowly ... baby steps all the way ...
Pray for you as a woman of God, pray for him as child of God.

needtomoveon,
It is kind of laughable- me being OW. I just don't want to inflict pain on someone else like what was done to me- even to OW. But I still see her as the outsider- unless they get married. BUT at the same time, I know relationships are 2-sided and that he has to want to come back to me. That might never happen. I can have hope but I have to accept the truth too. Yep, one day at a time- it is hard for me to be patient.
Which brings me to Mily's comments:
Yep, baby steps- I doubt ex is in counseling, but I did not ask. I should have. I didn't think of it - I did give him a list of referrals though when I saw him. I told him I wasn't trying to "educate" him- just help him. He was thankful. And yes, he needs to do some work on himself, and get his own self straightened out- just as I have/and still DO!
Lots of damage and hurt done - takes time and energy and work and prayer to heal it all. PRAY PRAY PRAY like never before. Til I have peace one way or the other.