I didn't mean it,and we were fighting. As you guys know already we have oc in our home, and I have to say it has been a rollar coaster ride like you wouldn't believe. Ow threatened to snatch child away so H limited the contact till our court day. Since ow can't provide a stable living environment for oc chilren services said do not release him to her. This has become a huge problem for us because my H works two jobs and does not have alot of free time. He does not want her to visit when he is not there because he is afraid what she might try with just me. So she came over with a friend and caused a scene on my porch because I didn't open my door. I called H and told him to get his butt home. By the time he came they were gone. We started fighting because I told him this was not right and so forth. I'm so confused about all of this and just don't know what to do. If this is and what I have to look forward to I would have chose nc. Anybody have any ideas?

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: notdoneinyet ]</small>

Is it possible for you to get a restrianing order against her?

I'm not sure we still don't have court papers or anything so I'm kind of wondering how legal this thing is. I'm scared a little, and I sure don't want my kids upset over this. They are not use to a drama driven lifestyle and I sure don't want to start it over oc. This situation is getting sticky and I sure don't want her getting somebody to go after H out of desperation. I worry about his safety. I cried myself to sleep last night because of all the drama.

There has to be some way you can get something against her as far as harassment charges or what not. If you file a report with the police I think in some areas if you call them again when she is on your property they can arrest her. You definitely need to do SOMETHING to protect the kids from her insanity.
And don't worry about telling your husband you hate him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have said it before to mine, and hate is as passionate as love so it is still good (in a way) since the opposite of love is NOT hate, it is indifference.

Yesterday after work I picked up the children from daycare and headed home, and guess who was there to greet me? It was ow. She jumped out of the car took oc and said she hated she had to do this. I didn't argue with her I just went in the house and called my H. Well 45 minutes later H brought him back to the house.

Prior to H getting oc back ow called me on the phone and we exchanged a few words. I told her that if she would get her act together perhaps we would not be going through this.

I was happy to see oc back, and kind of relieved in a way. I'm thinking there is more of a bond between us than I possible imagined.

H and I did make up last night, and I just told him I was concerned and wanted him to be careful. You never know what people are capable of doing in desperate situations.

I'm praying for a very quick court date so that nobody will be stuck in limbo longer than necessary. I have come to realize that its alright to have bad days under such situations,
it's part of the recovery process I guess. Still hoping for the best solution for all involved.

NExt time she's waiting for you a your home keep driving, go to your family's, the mall, anywhere,then call your h and let him know what's goung on, and please see about a restaining order.
It's ovious she very irrational and possibly dangerois,you need to protect your family.

I was already out of the car when she pulled up behind me. I would have kept going had I known that she was not too far behind me.

I don't mean to sound insensitive but has he considered what this situation is doing to you. I care about the OC but that doesn't mean that it does not hurt me to look into the face of my H's selfish indescretion. I would not know what to do if the OC lived with us and he was never home that would totally leave me without support and that is not something that I could handle I think you are a strong woman. And I think that a restraining order is the best idea from a legal standpoint possesion is the law and as long as your h has been named the childs father and has possesion she is the one that has nothing however you need to be careful because if she does snatch the oc your h will be in the same boat. Just make sure your h is there before you call the police because if not she can and probably will use the argument that you have no right to the child and it could be considered kidnapping if you are intentionaly keeping a parent from their child. The system is screwed up but there are so many loopholes for both sidess you just have to be aware of your rights and the rights of your H unfortunatly they are completly different. He has alot of rigths and you have none at this point so before you do anything make sure he is on board and he makes that call.

Oh believe me there are days when I feel I can no longer do what I'm doing. It is hard because this child has become mine in every since of the word. I told my h the same thing you said last night that I would not call police it would have to be his call. When she came and took him I acted as if nothing had happened took my daugther by her hand and went inside. It is a very sticky and strange situation. I would have never dreamed I would be doing this, but hey life goes on. He keeps quiet when I'm in one of my venting moments. The funny thing is he has the upper hand because she doesn't want the cops called on her because she has an warrant out. That is how he got oc back so quick.

You know from where I am sitting that just puts the icing on the cake. She is so powerless that you could call for harassment and they would take her to jail. Some people don't think when you are in a no win situation sometimes it is just best to relax and wait to be approached not intentionally draw attention to yourself. I hope things go well for you and that all of this gets worked out again kudos for your strenght I hope your h knows how lucky he is.

I'm sorry if this questions has been asked before and perhaps I missed it. Did Child Protective Services give you any written statement regarding their advice? Otherwise the OW has every right to come and see her child and take him if neither one of them (Her or H) hust temporary legal custody. And the police would see this as a family matter and not a criminal one.

Stormy you are right in one aspect. If she is alone and has the child and the mother demands the child then it could be constrwed as kidnapping however if the father is there possesion is nine tenths of the law and as long as the biological father retains custody of the child and has been named the childs father he has as much right as she does no matter the circumstance. I went through this with my daughters father and they told me that if he went to her school or some how got his hands on her that there was nothing they could do and I would have to go to court to regain custody.

Ow signed a written statement stating at the time she was unable to care for oc, and that she would not come and get him until she can provide that. As far as cps advice not written on paper. This whole thing actuall confuses me.

I am not sure where you are but alot of attorneys will give you advice if you just call I would love to give you more but I want to stick tothe facts and hope that you will be able to find a way through all of this.

Ow signed a written statement stating at the time she was unable to care for oc, and that she would not come and get him until she can provide that.

Glad that you did get her to sign the statement. It would better if it is notarized. That way she can't claim that she was made to sign it under duress. It would also be better if it spells out what would constitute evidence of her now being able to provide for the child again or a judge may declare that its too broad of a statement for either side to abide by.

Just rememeber to be smart enough to be as detailed as you can regarding an agreements involving the OW.

Yea h does have a lawyer and he has filed for custody. No court date as of yet. She keeps moving from place to place and oc had no stability. She said that she would be getting her own place but has not done so yet. She is not eligible for low income because of what her warrant is for I guess, and she doesn't have a job to afford to pay on her own. Right now we are in limbo, but we were tired of the instability.

In my state a judge/court can order an IMMEDIATE temporary order. They are usually issued when there is abuse (of a parent to other parent or whatever) & a restraining order is being sought after.

This would be good in your case. Look into that so that you can have an immediate order for RIGHT now until the real hearing & order can be put into place.

I don't understand why the attorney is taking so long on this. You can file a restraining order or something on OW, I would think.

Call & ask you attorney about this, of course, best to seek professional legal advice.

I think you handled it very well when OW came & got OC. Not making a scene ect. I knwo this must be hard on you & on all the kids w/ all the unstsable drama going on.

Take care of you. YOu are doing a great job w/ what you have been handed.

Hang in there hunnybunny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

xoxoxoxoxoxox
kt

I asked about H about why lawyer is taking so long. I just didn't understand, but I think it is going to be hard to serve her any papers because we don't have a stable home address. I think all anyone would have to say is that she does not live there to prolong the process. It is very complicated and I can't wait till the day we know what is going on for sure. I haven't talked directly to lawyer myself because I work during the day, but H is in constant contact.