My H finally called me at around 2:30 to ask if I could find a sitter to watch the little ones for an hour while he ran to the court house to file the parenting plan that he and OW had just finished filling out (over coffee, for three hours at our home while I was at work - nerve racking!). I said I would. I asked if OW/OC were still there. He said yes. I arranged the sitter, assuming that he would go to the court house after OW/OC left.
I come home, in a hurry to see what's going on. Sitter's car is there, H's isn't. I walk in the house and am greeted first by OC. This was a shock! I thought that perhaps OW had decided to let OC stay the night. I asked sitter, she didn't know what was going on.
Then, sitter says that my H and OW left together nearly two hours before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I looked outside, sure enough, the OW's car is parked outside. At this point I am furious!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
My H did not say ANYTHING to me about them going together!!
When they returned (about half an hour later) I waited until I had my H cornered in our room and said "I am livid!! You didn't tell me you were taking her with you. You should've told me. I'm leaving for awhile to calm down, please don't make a big deal out of it." He was really irritated with me, but let me go without too much fuss. I drove around for ten minutes and then returned. OW was outside our home smoking. I told her "No big deal, I was shocked when I got here and (OC) was here and the two of you weren't." She looked pleased. Then she proceeded to tell me that if I had any harsh words for her she was prepared to sit and take it, if that's what I felt I needed to make the situation bearable. I told her I had nothing to say to her, but the same went for her, too. She just sort of grinned and looked away, so I left her and went inside.
I ignored my H and focused all of my attention on the children. OC was sooo happy to be there!! One good thing: they did manage to file a parenting plan with the court that gives us two over-nights every other weekend, one mid-week overnight on the weeks in between, every other holiday and two weeks in the summer. FILED. DONE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
After OW finally left (she had much difficulty getting OC to go) I explained why I was angry to my H, who said he understood and that he knew he made a big mistake and he promised never to do it again. But, I was still angry with him last night, and still angry this morning. He should know better by now - even he said that!
I told him that I can be fine with nearly anything as long as I feel I am informed, and when he doesn't inform me I feel like he's being shady and then I don't trust him. He says I have no need to worry, that he hates her, but that he understands and will be very forthright with me in the future.
I want so badly to present a united front around OW and I blew it yesterday. I feel my anger was valid, but I am not sure if I handled the situation properly.
Geesh, I'm STILL angry.
To top it all off, H told later last night that OW was being all flirtatious with him. Giggling and cracking jokes. He said it irritated him, but it really irritated me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I told him that if we're going to make it through contact then he's got to not be pulled into her drama and bullsh!t and keep it at "just the facts". I told him that from this point on everything should be able to be handled over the phone. No more visits over coffee to discuss things in our home while I'm at work. In fact, no visits over coffee without me PERIOD.
Am I justified? Or did I completely botch the first stage of making things bearable? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I totally lost control of my emotions, and I feel like I looked completely crazy and weak in front of OW.
Any thoughts?
