It amazes me how some of you can trash a thread.

I posted OC - C or NC several days ago, and what was a plea for different perspectives became a trash and bash.

I sometimes go to TOW and read about what goes on in your lives. I can understand the need for you to come here and gain perspective. I do not, would not, and have never posted there to create or encourage an argument. I would appreciate it, from now on, if you (and you know who you are) would kindly keep any negative or antagonistic comments to yourself.

The court in my state says that if my H pays CS then he GETS VISITATION - if he chooses to do so. In fact, I believe this is FEDERAL STATUTE. A court order is a court order. Just because the xMM didn't leave his BW to live happily ever after with his mistress and illegitimate child, does not give OW the right to pretend her child has no father and keep OC away from him. I consider this to be emotionally & mentally ABUSIVE to the OC.

I am not meaning to offend anyone, but if I want OW's negative opinion, I would post my questions on TOW. For those OW who post here respectfully, please continue. But if you don't have anything nice to say.....keep your mouth shut.

AVNL, I am so sorry that your thread turned sour. You give great feedback and deserve the same. My H and I have weekend custody and my OW sounds alot like sorry. We for the most part enjoy our visitation and OW is usually not an issue somedays are better than others but if he truly loves you he will be there even when you break down.

Hi friends,

VictimNoLonger you said a mouthful.
It's pretty sad how OW's try to make BW's seem like the badguy when in reality we never asked to have to deal with an outside entity in our marriages and yes our H's are to blame for bringing this drama to our doorsteps , but please OW's don't hate or blame BW's for hanging in there with our H's like they've asked us to and don't hate or blame us BW's because your plans of gaining a man by default didn't work.

It seems a bit poposterous to me how some OW's gripe about not wanting to give these H's visitation because OW's feel like the BW would be a threat to the OC. But the truth of the matter is most of them have had these OC's to use as a bargaining tool in their quest to try and keep someone else's man. I say OW's pose more of a threats to OC than BW's do. Us BW's have remained with our H's out of love.Most OW on the other hand
have had OC out of desperation.

I agree with you 100% on your post. I believe that some, NOT ALL OW's, come onto this board to give a rise out of all the BW's that have made that choice to stay with their H's and make it work. I PRAISE EACH AND EVERY BW that has taken such a COURAGOUS STEP in life!!!! I know that I still have a lot of growing to do when it comes to my outlook on our OW and other OW's and I need to get past the labels. But I do agree with you that some, NOT ALL, OW's do have the OC's out of desperation because they are hoping that with that poor innocent child who might become a pawn will change their MM's outlook. So all the OW's, NOT ALL, that are out to "get" the BW's and make us feel like we are the bad ones when in all honesty, we are the angels, shame on you.

It amazes me how many of the OW over there think that they are the center of the BW's crumbling universe. Some of them seem to think that the BW blame them completely for the A. Or that we all think the OW is psycho. SOME OF OUR OW ARE PSYCHO!

But, I understand in my situation that my H lied to OW, too. He told her we were getting a divorce when he never even talked to me about divorce. When I asked him if he wanted one - he always said no. I know that my H is 50% responsible for this whole mess.

But, OW has never made me feel like I wasn't her worst enemy. She has always acted as though I was the antichrist and I would ruin her child if I had any contact with her. I understand that my OW is afraid that whatever anger I have for situation might be transferred to her daughter. But, I know that I would never treat OC badly because of what her parents did.

I don't understand OW most of the time. She confuses me. Flip-flopping all of the time as to whether or not my H should be involved with OC and how involved he should be. Sometimes she wants him to be very involved (which makes me nervous, simply because I still have issues with my H) other times she wants NC. I think these situations are just emotional, and all three parties act irrational sometimes.

Sometimes I wish I could talk to OW in my situation, because I know she will be part of my life as long as I am married. But, everytime we try it just makes things worse. I don't think she's an ogre or a rotten person, but because of the situation I do not have an opportunity or the emotional capacity to try to understand her or get to know her objectively.

I do think that some OW are vindictive and do want to punish WS for staying in the marriage. I think everyone goes through a period where they want someone to pay for all the pain and heartache these situations cause (even me). I've done rotten, terrible things to OW because I wanted to punish her. I wrote emails to all of her friends (about 25 people I knew how to contact) telling all of them that she was a sinister man-stealer and probably had an STD because she had unprotected sex with at least four men that I knew of. What a horrible thing for me to do!!

Hindsight requires me to admit that if I could I would take it back. I had to apologize to her.

I guess I just think that any OW that posts here should try to keep in mind that any BS that makes a remark that may seem emotional or irrational - it's probably because he/she IS emotional and irrational - and rightly so. It doesn't do anyone any good to start an argument over something so NORMAL.

I think we should all try to be more understanding of eachother. This is a difficult thing to deal with, and we are all here for SUPPORT. Honest, even brutally honest opinions will be tolerated (at least by me) as long as it isn't a direct attack.