Hi! I was looking at past posts last night from 2003- boy oh boy that was a terrible time. I read some of your old posts- wow, I would imagine your life has come a long way since then. I remembered you when I saw your name, but remembered you crystal clear when I read your posts from then. What is going on with you now? How is your child doing?

What a sweetie you are to ask about me.

Yeah, it was pretty terrible stuff back then. You are imagining correctly, my life has come a long way since that time.

My M is in a better place than it's ever been. It's not all a bed of roses, as I don't think any M is, but we have both been forever changed for the better. It's so strange to think that something good came out of the trash heap that I created. Here's my favorite quote of the week, it was said by LBelle in speaking about her FWH and her M, on the "label" thread: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He has changed so much and our relationship is becoming even better than it was before. Could it be worth it if you can truly be "one" emotionally, physically, and spiritually afterwards? I don't think we would have made the changes without the crisis.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still kick my a$$ nearly everyday about how stupid I was pre-A and during A. I'm so mad at myself that it took my adultery, and the outcome of it to change me, to change us, and to turn our M around, but it DID, so I guess in those terms, it was worth it. Yet that seems so NOT right to say, you know? Like how can any outcome, even if it's good, be worth committing adultery??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> It's all so confusing, and I think I probably think about it too much, and need to just enjoy my life and my restored M. I am pretty certain we wouldn't have made the changes if not for the crisis though, as LBelle puts it, and for those changes, I am grateful beyond measure.

I think the biggest thing we've both learned is how precious M is, more precisely, how precious OUR M is and also how vulnerable it is, when not protected.

We not only love each other, but we actually LIKE, and enjoy each other again. We look forward to our alone times, and savor it, (esp. since it's been harder to stick to the 15 hrs. w/ baby).

Speaking of the baby, and because you asked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... He is doing really well. He is the sunshine in all of our lives. There can be some pretty major dissension going on in the house, (mostly due to teenage angst), and he toddles into the room, gives us a big grin, and does his Cookie Monster impression, everyone melts, and all is right with the world again.

While I'm amazed at his sunny, good nature, I won't lie, he is a lot of work, and has been a major adjustment to our lifestyle, considering our age and the years between children. So, there are a lot of self a$$ kicking days about this subject too. It's really hard to reconcile how stupid I was, and the baby's origins, with the fact that I cannot imagine life without him and what a total gift he is, (my H actually refers to him as his little blessing, can you imagine that???? I never would've believed such a thing!!!!) Somehow, as mad as I am at myself that I did what I did, and recklessly became pregnant, I am able to separate the two. I can only attribute that to God's grace, and that He as well as my H constantly remind me the baby is an innocent, and he does NOT represent the adultery. He's his own little person, and he has a purpose in life. God has promised us that, and that gives me so much peace. That's saying a lot, because I didn't always have so much peace about this baby. I was ashamed about how he came to be, and I did NOT want him at first. After D-Day but well before the birth of the baby, I got on this kick that he was surely going to be like Ishmael, and he would be like a wild donkey for all his days, (or however that went). When I wasn't picturing giving birth to an Ishmael, I worried that he would be struck with some major birth defect, or some rare illness. My H assured me he wouldn't be an Ishmael, and he knew he'd be healthy. He continualy said the baby would be just fine, we were going to love him just like the kids, and give him a good upbringing. He'd say, any signs of wild-donkeyness, we'd teach him how to channel it into good use, like a football player or something, lol!

Yikes, I've gone on far too long here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Again, thank you for asking (((((adgirl))))), and many blessings to you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

~ad

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: Autumn Day ]</small>

AD,
So happy to hear your report!!! I think that you are just glorifying God for the good that came out IN SPITE of the adultery- and not glorifying the adultery itself. Grateful that God can take something disgusting like adultery and turn it into something beautiful like a restored marriage and a child. I wish so much for that kind of happy ending, for my ex to get off his duff and do what needs to be done (like move out from OW for one).
I don't know why these feelings/thoughts have come back again, it is frustrating because I don't know whether to look forward or hold on. Cookie Monster impression- haha, I took my nephew (3 yrs) to see Sesame Street Live- we had a big time. I had forgotten you have teenagers- that WOULD be hard. At least you have free babysitters (maybe?)
SO glad you and H chose to accept God's grace and forgiveness and be together.
God bless you all.
{{{{{Autumnday}}}}}}}}}}}

Adgirl48