ow came to our house with the police demanding her child back. My h was there and I was glad. They argued back and forth and it was really uncomfortable for me. I don't think that H is handling this situation very well, and I think it's going to hurt him in court. I'm almost afraid that lawyer is taking H for a ride and his money. I told my H that it is very hard to get custody from the mother even if she doesn't have a stable place to live. I also told him because he works two jobs and is out of the home most of the day the odds are against him. I'm sure and I have read that the court takes into consideration time spent with child. I did tell ow though that I'm getting tired of going back and forth with oc, and that I'm going to stop doing it. I can't help but think about oc everyday and I know we won't probably see him for awhile. I went shopping over the weekend and couldn't stop looking at boys clothing. I somehow wish I hadn't got so caught up in this whole thing. I think that I'm going to call H lawyer myself and see what is going on because I'm not sure my h knows what he is doing. Anybody have any ideas. Is it worth taking ow to court for custody? Could we just be wasting our time?

Ndiy,
Boy, in an earlier post you described my fear during the time that the OW in my situation had no home to keep Lil Bit and just before our court appearance where we were granted Primary Custody, OW had left Lil Bit with us from July 23rd through Oct 12th, only seeing her for 6 hours on September 14th.

In our New Parenting Agreement, OW has visitation every other weekend and every other week in the summer. When the referee agreed to this arrangement he instructed OW to not miss anymore of her visits with Lil Bit as she had been doing, or he would restrict her further.
She did not exercise her weeklong visitations this past summer. She has also given up her weekends here and there.
She has also moved in with her boyfriend, and moved out again… She has no job.

In answer to the questions at the end of your post… a couple questions for you.

How do you feel about OC? Are you willing to raise him?
Is his safety in question when he is with OW?

If his health and well being is in question when he is with OW, then I think it is very much worth doing what can be done to protect him. Even if that means going to court for custody.
I would die for MY Lil Bit. She is every bit my Daughter. I may not have given birth to her, but she is MY child. I will fight tooth and nail to protect her. EVEN if I have to fight the woman that gave birth to her.

That little boy is my son no matter what anybody says. A bond is something that can't be destroyed that easily. I know that someday we will have him for good I just don't know when. I'm more than willing to raise him if H is going to put in more time, and I don't end up feeling like all the responsibility is on me.

Oc is hot tempered and he throws alot of tantrums, so I do like my breaks from time to time. When he is at the house I have to maintain a strict bed schedule so that I don't loose my mind. I wish H didn't work so much that way I could get some relief on the weekends just to take care of myself. That would cut down on alot of the frustration.

I don't like the fact that ow is getting the best of us at this time. She uses the fact that she has sole legal custody to her advantage, and she made sure that the cops told my H that as well. I feel like we are being used and I'm hoping the courts will help us put a stop to it. I have heard that court battles could go on for months. Anybody have any idea how long it takes just to get temporary custody? Ow does not have a lawyer at this time so I know the first court date will be continued to give her time to obtain one.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 01:29 PM: Message edited by: notdoneinyet ]</small>

As far as his safety. Oc has been put into situations with her that are extremely risky. She got into an argument one time and oc got hurt in the process. She also told me that she and a friend left the garage door open while going to get drinks and oc followed them. I couldn't believe she told me that.

But since we can't prove any of this would any of it be allowed in the court room? Isn't it her word against ours? We do however have trails of paper with her signature verifying her instability, but like some have said here those papers may not mean anything.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: notdoneinyet ]</small>

What types of papers?

What type of documentation do you have that shows her instablity? Shows that she is not able to provide a roof over OC's head?

When we went to court, we had a list of dates when OW called and cancelled her parenting times, we had the list of the times when she was late, early.. delayed her pick-ups, dropped Lil Bit off early(days).. etc.

We had no one to testify, no one else to verify it, only Mr Lee and myself.
OW had been summoned to court 3 times ... the first time, they couldn't find her, the 2nd time she just didn't come and they suspended her parenting time altogther until she showed up in court.

Mr Lee and OW had Joint Physical Custody at the time... Now Mr Lee (and I) have Primary Custody, with all the decision making rights resting with Mr Lee, everything from Medical to Education decisions. OW only has her visitation times.

When paternity was established, did your H request joint custody?
When paternity was established in our case, H requested JC and was given it. The referee even spoke with me to see my feelings on the subject, as my H worked 3rd shift at the time, leaving me for serveral hours alone with the baby.(She was 3 months old by the time JC was established)

Yes, it can take months.. It takes a lot of determination to get through it... and a stubborn streak helps a lot!

Good Luck,
Stacia

Every other month ow runs into some complication with her homelife and has to drop him at our house for long periods of time. Everytime she called we accepted. We even asked her for shared parenting since we had him just as much as her, but she declined that offer. She wanted to make sure that she maintained full custody of oc. Well this last particular time she dropped him we asked her how was she going to prevent this from happening again. She claimed she was looking for her own place which we have yet to see she has obtained. She signed a written letter stating that she at that particular time did not have a place for oc and that she would not pick him back up until she could give him that stability.

Here is the problem, H contacted cps about what was going on. Cps must have misunderstood him and told him that he did not have to release oc into her hands again until she had her own place. They thought that they had joint custody, so for two weeks H did not allow her to come pick up child. He told her to visit with oc at our house whenever she wanted. She did not like that idea and stated that we were keeping oc from her. She finally called the police to get him and stated that she will take the child through whatever she is going through instead of dealing with us. My H told ow and cops that he was tired of the instability that ow was putting child through. Cps stated that because ow had full custody he had to let oc go with her.

We have not heard from her since she came to get him, and we also have not called. I guess that H is just going to wait on the lawyer. H has pics of oc with his face bruised when ow got into a fight with someone. Hopefully this will help us when we go to court.