<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I don't understand her. Prior to last week when she and my H signed the custody/parenting time agreement we had not been allowed to see or speak with OC. XOW had not called us and she insisted we not call her.

My H had decided to relinquish his rights, but after further consideration (and XOW's sudden change of heart) he decided to try contact one more time. The difference is now he has a visitation agreement filed with the court. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now, XOW is calling my H's cell phone an average of once a day to "update" my H on OC. Last night it was that OC has a cold and is running a fever. XOW took OC to the doctor and wanted to let my H know what meds the dr. prescribed (understandable). The night before it was OC wasn't dealing well with the change in things and was angry with XOW because OC didn't get to spend more time with us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . The night before that it was to inform my H that she received paperwork in the mail related to the court case <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . It goes on and on. And besides the calls my H actually gets, she's starting to leave messages on his cell constantly (all very friendly)and calls without leaving a message several times a day.

I don't get it. XOW didn't tell us anything about OC for the last year - not even when she moved across town. We had to hunt down her new address to try to contact OC. XOW threatened us with police when we tried to call OC or tried to set up a visit for Christmas.

I understand wanting to update my H when OC is sick - if that's the way she'd always done it. But, XOW has mostly kept my H and our family at arm's length when it comes to OC ever since her birth. XOW won't tell us if she changes daycares or what preschool she's in, or what babysitters she goes to.

I told my H that it makes me nervous. XOW isn't even supposed to have my H's cell phone number. It's a new phone - he's had it less than three months. Here's the really odd thing: about three weeks ago XOW called my H's cell and said "Who is this? Someone just text messaged me with this number." My H said "I didn't text message anyone, you've got the wrong number." He hung up, then checked the caller ID and was surprised to realize that the caller had been XOW. How did she get the number in the first place? The only people who had it were my H's business clients (and immediate family), none of which associate with XOW.

For the last three nights I've dreamt of XOW calling our house over and over again, with complaints about how we treat/raise OC when she's with us. I didn't think it was bothering me so much, but subconciously I think it may be bothering me a lot.

My H said he would tell XOW not to call his cell phone number anymore because it's strictly a business line and from now on she should call the house number.

I have a son from a previous relationship, he's 10. For the past 9 years his father and I have spoken very little, only speaking to arrange visits for summer/spring break, on holidays and his birthday, and when my son has an emergency. This has worked for us. I think it would be easier if things were this way between XOW and my H, but my H doesn't want to be too firm or aloof with XOW because he's afraid to make her angry for fear she will, once again, deny him access to OC.

How can we make it clear to XOW that we do not need to know every minute detail of OC's life(excluding necessary info) and she doesn't need to call all the time without making XOW angry?

It's annoying to me. And my H isn't too thrilled either.

Advice would be greatly appreciated. I know that my H and I need to focus on our family and OC only, but it's becoming increasingly difficult with XOW constantly calling.

I know that it drives you crazy, because that is what XOW does to us. I have no idea what caused her to start up again after all this time except maybe seeing H for all the paperwork etc... brought up old feelings for her. I can tell you in our situation H listens to her concerns about OC, etc.. but doesn't really call her unless he has a concern about OC, etc... In our case the calls have gotten less. She hasn't called in a little over 2 weeks. She did call to remind H to pay CS (he was 3 days late). He told her he would and dropped it off for her. I'm hoping that time makes the calls less and less frequent. It really sounds like your H is w/ you on this one, so try not to let her get to you too much on this one.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> XOW threatened us with police when we tried to call OC or tried to set up a visit for Christmas </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And this is the woman who is calling your H several times a day now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The difference is now he has a visitation agreement filed with the court. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So there is NO reason to keep allowing her to do and say whatever she feels like it. Your H has no reason to allow this coddling of OW , especially, if it is hurting you in ANY way. This COURT FILED document is his RIGHT AND REMEDY to the situation of OW "running" the show and doing whatever the h*ll SHE wants any given moment.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H said "I didn't text message anyone, you've got the wrong number." He hung up, then checked the caller ID and was surprised to realize that the caller had been XOW. How did she get the number in the first place? The only people who had it were my H's business clients (and immediate family), none of which associate with XOW. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may not like what I'm about to say.. but I smell a rat. Combined with the sudden change of attitude, the intrusion at your home while you were at work.. the smirk on her face when she knew you were upset that day... etc... Well I don't know AVictim... NONE of this sits well with me. I have this small fear for you - she did not get the number via a miracle from heaven.. she did not wake up after threatening police involvement and decide she was going to be nice to your H again.... I pray to God your H isn't lying.. that he is not doing anything underhanded again.

And if he is NOT engaging in any contact with her that is OTHER than OC issues.. WELL.. there is another issue at hand.

Your H is aiding the OW in messing w/your head because he is ALLOWING this nonsense.. he is LETTING her do what she is.. she knows DARN well that she is upsetting you. She knows DARN well she should not be calling your H all day. So- your H NEEDs AND you NEED for this to stop RIGHT NOW. The behaviour of your H even riding in the car w/OW to the courhouse-- IS NOT RESPECTFUL. Its causing a great deal of strain on you and it will continue. You cannot sweep these feelings under the rug or mimimize the effect this is having on you.

If you do not CLEARLY lay out your boundry of NO CONTACT other than emergencies or WHEN YOU ARE IN THE ROOM, period-- AND ALSO that she is NOT to call any cell phone, but call you home, only, when you are present.

Do you have access to all of his voicemail passcodes, etc? IF IT WERE ME- and its not, this is YOUR life- I would IMMEDIATELY do whatever I could to VERIFY somehow that your H is not involved in any way, emotionally or physically with OW other than OC... Trust is a wonderful thing to give to our xWS, but he truly is not doing everything he should to keep you feeling safe and number 1 at all times. (my opinion only, of course)... Trust but verify - you have every need and right in the world to question these things that are DEFINITELY in need of exploring.

I hope not to upset you, Avictim----- but candycoating my true nagging feeling about this is not going to help you out here.

I also have a son w/my ex... and we have NO REASON on a daily basis to speak. Never have, and we have coparented just fine. My H has NC w/OC but if he had it-- you better believe she would NEVER, ever have ONE WORD alone w/my H again-- let alone ONE SECOND of freedom to call him other than for emergencies or on immeidate visitation dillemas, etc. I would FREAK - but H would NOT dream of it. My H had ONE conversation without me because she was harassing his cell- I smashed his phone into 1,000 pieces because he BROKE a clear boundary. He has not had a cell since. After all we've endured- these are the LEAST of the things our H should be doing, without needing to be TOLD.

(((AVNL)))) I feel for you-- this is not a fun situaion at all, and you have been handling everything like a CHAMP-- but you do NOT deserve to just sit and handle everything- you must take some action before your heart and feelings begin to take over and worsen the situation you have worked so hard to get on track.

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 03:04 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Gio - yes, thank goodness, I have all the passcodes to his cell, email, etc. I keep pretty close tabs now.

However, my guard is up and will stay up until the nagging, gut-knot is gone.

Weird about the cell phone number. My H was so PO'd when he figured out it was her that I don't think he's the one who gave it to her. But, I am aware that I have been fooled before.

I just don't like her attitude lately - like she's won something, something I don't know about. And why on earth she's calling all the time is beyond me.

At the same time, if my H is stupid enough to pull anything with her again, then they deserve eachother. And I'll leave them to their misery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I have 3 beautiful children from my first m. Their father and I have certain agreements. He is very involved in their lives. We contact each other when the children have some serious issue that it is just simply respectful to let the other parent know about. Two of the children are teenagers. My eldest son tried smoking, I let his father know...etc. I always mail him a copy of their report cards. We probably speak to each other about once a week. Let me make this part clear. I have never had an A and I NEVER SPEAK TO MY EX OR MAKE DECISIONS THAT INVOLVE THE CHILDREN WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH MY H FIRST!!! I cannot make that clear enough. My ex attends bar-b-ques and birthday parties etc. at our home. My h trusts me completely with my ex and I still don't talk to him, even on the phone without my h knowing BEFORE I speak to him. I do this out of respect for my h and our family. My ex understands perfectly that my h and I are steadfast partners. I wouldn't belittle my h by having it any other way. I believe that my ex knowing I have such strong support also prevents him from pulling as many shenanigans as he did when I was single.

You and your h can be involved in oc's life as long as it is BOTH of you making decisions and unless it's a real emergency (ex: oc is in the hospital) there is no reason for her to call your home unexpectedly. All updates on oc's accomplishments and health can be given in your presence when visitation occurs. There is no reason for ow to EVER be in your home or your vehicle or for your h to be in her home or vehicle.

Sweetheart, I think you set yourself up for this by not enforcing ground rules from the beginning. You allowed yourself to get close to oc, but pulled away from anything that had to do with ow and just let your h take care of it. I understand the need to distance yourself from the pain. You cannot show weakness to these women, it is what they prey on. You also cannot handle it alone.

I think the trick is that whatever guidelines for this you and your h set up must be done as a unified front and made perfectly clear to ow...with both of you present. It isn't rude or picking a fight to let her know that your family loves and wants to be a part of oc's life, but you also need time to just be a couple, so you would both appreciate her saving all updates on oc to when you pick him up for visitation. Both of you should go to pick him up, if possible. If she tries to corner your h or you simply let her know that you are busy right now and will be happy to speak to her later, together. End of conversation. Your h needs to do this for you. It in no way limits his ability to parent oc.

I completely agree with Gio about the cell phone.
It needs to go, if it was given to him by his job, have him request a new one.

Just my $.02

I don't know HOW to deal with OW together! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I only want to deal with my H.

I have tried and tried to deal WITH OW with my H. Nearly five years I've tried.

I told OW a looong time ago that my ultimate goal was for us all to be a blended family. You know, spend the holidays together, outings at the park, etc. I never wanted our children to feel "split". She laughed at me, but tried anyway - total disaster. She is now and always has been in love with my H. There's a lot of history between the three of us - and it's made it impossible for she and I to tolerate eachother. I don't want to see her, talk to her, or deal with her at all. The ONLY thing I want is for her daughter to have a father. OC deserves this - every child deserves this.

She called again this evening. My H didn't answer his phone and let me listen to the message she left. It was nearly three minutes long....just babble..."gave OC ibuprofen at such and such a time...she's not running a fever but I only gave her the meds two hours ago....she may or may not feel better tomorrow"...etc, etc.

I told him that we're getting the cell phone number changed tomorrow. He called her and asked her not to call his cell phone anymore, he let me listen in on the extension. He really seems like an open book to me. He agreed to not answer the phone if she calls when I am not home and to let me retrieve the messages, and he's promised that he will only discuss things with her when I'm there.

My H and XOW are still going to the court house later this month to finalize the custody/parenting time agreement with a judge. My H is trying very hard to be polite to OW, even if it means she calls our house every night, because we don't want her to back out of the agreement for visitation. This is a necessary process and I'm okay with it as long as my H plays by the rules (so far, he's doing a good job setting my mind at ease).

I just can't get over it, sometimes. The longer I know XOW the more baffled I am as to why my H was ever attracted to her.

There is some excellent news here - we get an overnight visit this week! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There's something to be thrilled about!

Thanks for all the (((hugs)))

AVNL

Avictom is there any chance at all that her attorney told her to let your h know everything she does because of her past behvior, and knowing what is going on now? Just a thought????? Or if she does not have an attorney she is trying to cover her butt? Why all of sudden would she do this? Does your husband now have joint custody?

I would recommend a "Communication Log Book" to go back and forth between homes when you exchange OC. You and H can write important info in it and xOW can update you through the book instead of every day phone calls.

or-

Designate certain days as communication days. (Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6pm be available at home for a phone call re: OC updates)

Its quite possible she's trying to cover her [censored] in a way. When I was going for sole custody of my 2nd son, lack of communication on his dad's, C, part was a big factor. I had forms printed out for me to log every single contact I tried to make to C or from C was documented. So if I called to relay info and he didn't respond, I simply logged the results. When the judge had a look, she questioned him on why he didn't respond when I told him that son was experiencing asthma problems, being kept home from school (which also meant I was missing work) for days at a time, etc....

So I also have an added stipulation in our agreement that he has has 24 hours to respond to emergencies and 72 hours to respond to nonemergencies. C responded to that after the court date but getting his phone cut off because he was upset that the judge allowed that in. So then I had to leave messages with his attorney for a few months until the attorney told me that since C didn't want to pay extra for his office to be the official contact point, so he could no longer pass on messages. However, he stated that C was told that he needed to give me his new phone (because by this time he had gotten one) so that he was in compliance with state law.

(In Texas, part of the standard agreement states that a parent must inform other parent of such changes at least 60 days before a change if its known to be coming or 5 days after the actual change has been made..in the statutory warnings. This includes current address, mailing address if different, home telephone number, name of employer, address of employer, business telephone, etc...)

As of yet, a year later and C still hasn't given it or his new address to me. Checked with the AG's office and they told me that either I would have to get a private attorney to take him back to court based on that issue alone or they could handle it when it was time to review child support..which for me is this year. So C thinks he has gotten around it but it will eventually bite him in the butt.

So in your case, OW may just be trying to catch your H off guard.

<small>[ February 02, 2005, 08:04 AM: Message edited by: Stormyweather ]</small>

Needtomoveon: The OW does have an attorney, so perhaps she is documenting their communication - which is fine, because so are we. She's flip-flopped so much over the last four years that documentation is a necessity. In fact, OW said she was glad there's something filed with the court so she can't just "freak out and take her". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I think OC has been asking about her daddy everyday for the last six months that he hasn't seen or spoken with her - perhaps OW's sudden change of heart is GUILT.

Cheerful: The communication log book is an excellent suggestion! I don't know why we didn't think of that already - our youngest son has something like that set up so we can communicate with his preschool teachers.

XOW is dropping off OC at our house for overnight visit tonight (if she's not running a fever). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
This is the first overnight visit we've been allowed since the end of May!!

Thanks for the tips!

AVNL

Do YOU two have an attorney? She can whine and beg and threaten until the cows come home. If your husband is that childs father, he can have the child up to 50% of the time IF HE SO CHOOSES.

OW needs to realize that she is in control of nothing. YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND HAVE ALL THE CONTROL HERE. Sounds like you want contact. THEN SPELL IT OUT LEGALLY.

Example:

You and H get oc 50% of time....spell out clearly the time you will have oc,

Amount paid for CS. Spell it out clearly.

Contact. You can stipulate that all contact, of a non-emergency basis should be handled in....then state how you want it done. Pastor? Laywer? Friend? You can have it so that she can be charged with harrassment should she ever call him/you again. SPELL IT OUT CLEARLY. Such as "...unless oc is admitted to a hospital, we do not want to be phoned..." and "if oc has a cold, notify Judy and she will contact us". THEN HAVE IT ALL LOGGED and keep track.

The ow needs to learn, and quickly, that just as she has rights to child support, so too do you and your family have rights. She IS NOT PART OF YOUR FAMILY AND HER CALLING IS HARRASSMENT.

Set up boundaries now. Then move on with your life. BE FIRM. BE STRONG. Allowing the oc in your life is one thing. The OW has no reason to ever call you, your husband or your home. PERIOD.

LynnG - That's a great idea. My H and XOW have an appt. to finalize the custody/parenting time paperwork with a judge at the end of the month. I will talk to my H about making sure it's stated in the papers that they can comminicate through the log book Cheerful suggested earlier, and that we only want to be phoned in an emergency (hospital, etc.) or when there's been a sudden or unforeseen change in the visitation schedule.

No, Lynn, we do not have a lawyer. I'm not sure if the XOW is going to have her lawyer present for the meeting with the judge or not. The paperwork they filed with the court gives my H one overnight visit mid-week each week, two overnights every other weekend, every other holiday and two full weeks in the summer.

Our main goal here is to get something (ANYTHING) in writing with the least amount of static from XOW. Right now she's being very generous with visitation - we want to keep it that way.

My H did agree to stop answering the phone when she calls and to let me retrieve the messages and to only speak with her when I'm there to listen in. This in itself already makes me feel better.

But, I agree, the more detailed we are with the boundaries in the custody paperwork the better.

Thank you for all of the replies, you've all offered a lot of helpful advice!

Hugs,
T

AVNL,

You sound like you guys have a pretty good plan. i hope that everything works out for you and your H. Just be very cautious when going tocourt without your own attny. I would not advise it, but if you have other reasons then I wish you the best of luck. If something does not sound fair don't sign the paperwork ask the judge for a continuance so you may obtain an attny.

don't just go for whatever - make sure you are not getting the bad end of the stick in the long run.

Wishing you all the best and prayers from miles away,

Waiting 2 Exhale <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Set up boundaries now. Then move on with your life. BE FIRM. BE STRONG. Allowing the oc in your life is one thing. The OW has no reason to ever call you, your husband or your home. PERIOD.

Lynn, I know that there are times that too much calling can be done but there will be times when calls are necessary. Otherwise, H will be setting himself up for more issues. No calls ever and the judge may see just how difficult them working together may be and and may limit visitation time because of it. Even when they have the OC, the OW will have the right to call and check on her child. And if they try and come back with never answering the phone during that time, that will be an issue and a very valid one. I guarantee it. I have seen it happen in court many times.

I understand that the OW shouldn't have all the control. But neither will the H. Co-parenting is just that...working together for the best interest of the child. If this isn't possible, then perhaps NC is best.

Even trying to work out a contact schedule might be a problem especially with time sensitive matters. Plus things will become more frantic when the child is school age and things just start to pop up. The H might miss out on things if he tries to be that hard nosed.

Not trying to negate anyone's suggestion but if you ever have a chance to work in a court setting day in and day out seeing these issues repeated over and over again, you may come to understand that even the best laid plans can not be functional when put into practice.

AVNM,

I would suggest YOU also be at that custody hearing--that way you know first hand what is going on--

You and your h can ride together--and to darn bad if XOW doesn't like it--and she can get mad all she wants--

Why be concerned about IF she gets mad?? If she tries to say he can't see the child--he can take her to court and see about getting FULL Custody if your both up for that--

And something else--to prevent contact even over CS, have it set up to go through the state--that way she won't be calling about when is he going to send it--it could be taken out of his paycheck weekly and sent directly to the state by his employer and the state will send her a check--and thus no reason to contact your h short of for visitation or emergencies--

I agree with much that has been suggested.

Be at any and all court dates. It will show OW and the courts that you are every bit involved with contact.

This is YOUR H, your family, your life. Take back your power over this situation, REFUSE to give OW any power over any decisions that you and your H make together.

Whatever you and your H decide, through POJA, to do about the phone calls be sure to lay out those boundaries with OW. I especially like the journal idea... but know it would never with with the OW in our situation.

OW, in our situation, doesn't call to check on Lil Bit at all. She may call to cancel her visitation or call to say she is going to be late... but that is the extend of phone contact from her.
We have called when Lil Bit has medical visits to update her... Like now, she has a swollen lymphnode. We called to inform her that the Dr asked us to keep an eye on her over the weekend and we cancelled the visitation... she had no problem with it at all. Then we called to inform her of the appointment details.. she wasn't there and never called back.
Shows she really cares, huh?

Set your boundaries... outline them clearly to the OW and in court documents (if possible) ... and stick to them.

Good Luck,
Stacia

I haven't posted in a very long time, i've just been reading everything on this site.but today this one really got my attention. I'm going through the same thing,XOW is always calling with updates,OC has a cold or something really dumb,lately OW says OC is crying for daddy and wants to talk to him,OC is 3 1/2yo and doesn't really say anything when on the phone,a waste of time. OC really loves daddy,when we have her and it's time to go back,OC always cries"i don't want to go home,I want to go to my daddy's house" so i understand OC crying for daddy,But OW tries to put the guilt trip on H,"OC needs daddy and H needs to be there more for OC", sometimes it work on H,but mostly not.OW really gets to me when she calls,she knows it and H knows this, but he's not getting thru to xow(she's very stupid,dense) or he's not telling her at all. H know this has to stop,but as we found out in MC,he is afraid of confrontation with anyone, especially OW.i believe he is afraid she'll keep him from seeing OC, which is court ordered,and there is nothing OW can do to stop that.OW doesn't like or want to talk to me,but if I don't answer the phone, because H isn't home,she'll call back every 5minutes or so. and she won't leave a message.
At this time she only has my cell#,i don't and won't let her have H's cell#. we moved 5 months, and we have not given her our new address or new home phone#,which is court ordered, but due to the fact she was giving out my name,address and phone# to alot of guys,she either ramdomly called or spoked to on one of those phone partylines.SCARY!! We have a teenage daughter(mine from previous marriage)living at home, and i fear for her safety,along with myself, of one of them showing up.which happened(i was there by myself)the night before we moved, thank god he was nice about it, i told him i didn't know him,he said sorry my fault,he made a mistake and left right away.
OW complains all the time she doesn't have another # to call H at,she is always saying she's going to call her lawyer,and if need be go to court and get another #.So far she hasn't.
And just to let you know, you can find out anyones Phone#,cell or home#, by going online and doing a search,pay a small fee($10 or so) and get any info you want.
Someday,somehow i hope all this will end or at least get better.
thank you for listening, it helps me alot to vent.and all of you know what i'm going thru.

I agree with STormy on this. The h and bw does NOT have complete control over this. The husband has rights to his child. But he can not make all the rules and expect the judge to say okay. As stormy says when that child is there the mother has the right to speak to that child and if the child is to young to speak she has the right to call and check on that child. Again, time sensitive issues become a problem too. xmm's wife did not wanting me mailing the medical receipts to there house or work, so got another address, which I used. Weellllllllllll, the address was incorrect and after 3 months of having the receipts returned to send address unknown.........and I finally sent it registered mail return receipt to his work. When we went to court he tried to file a ro on me and said because I was mailing stuff to his work and house...and when it came up what had happened the Judge told him that he denies it and if I wanted to with all the nasty grams his wife sent me I could file for one if I wanted. He informed him to stop being so diffulcult and abide by the order. That I could send it (the receipts to where ever I wanted to get them there) and it was them who was playing games. That I was nice enough to try and use the po box they gave me. So just be carefull. Let me also add his attorney is a much better attorney than mine. He is a bulldog, where mine is trying to be fair, until she is p*ssed off by his. She is also patient, where his attorney is not and paperworks you to death. He charges double what mine does and is a very good attorney, but he still was bashed for his actions. And vise versa. I am in no way saying that you have to put up with bullsh*t at all. I hope that it works out for you though. And the book sounds like a great idea for things as well.

diddiid: (did I get those itinals right?) Wow! I'd say that is grounds for harrasment. HELLO!!!!!!!!!! Even if you don't have a teenage daughter you never know who is behind those phone lines/internet etc. I know from when my kids where 3, they cried and say they missed daddy and wanted to call him but really had nothing to say them either, but it appeased them to call him and hear him say hi and I love you to them....now at 6 you can't get them off the phone and they know his number by heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I would difently do something about her giving your number and address out. Surely you have enough proof for this. Very very wrong and childish, and dangerous.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Stacia_Lee:
<strong> I agree with much that has been suggested.

Be at any and all court dates. It will show OW and the courts that you are every bit involved with contact.

This is YOUR H, your family, your life. Take back your power over this situation, REFUSE to give OW any power over any decisions that you and your H make together.

Whatever you and your H decide, through POJA, to do about the phone calls be sure to lay out those boundaries with OW. I especially like the journal idea... but know it would never with with the OW in our situation.

OW, in our situation, doesn't call to check on Lil Bit at all. She may call to cancel her visitation or call to say she is going to be late... but that is the extend of phone contact from her.
We have called when Lil Bit has medical visits to update her... Like now, she has a swollen lymphnode. We called to inform her that the Dr asked us to keep an eye on her over the weekend and we cancelled the visitation... she had no problem with it at all. Then we called to inform her of the appointment details.. she wasn't there and never called back.
Shows she really cares, huh?

Set your boundaries... outline them clearly to the OW and in court documents (if possible) ... and stick to them.

Good Luck,
Stacia </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now that is very very sad <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />