Help, help, and help…

I need all the good advice to help me prepare me for court on Thursday 2/10…. My exh and I have not spoken to one another for a while so we have not come up with any agreement on Child visitation…

First off, I have a restraining order on exh for Domestic Violence (11/27/04) he doesn’t have a stable place to live, he’s living with OW who by the way is an ex convict for selling drugs on 2003, both exh & OW had 2 babies during our marriage. She tried to put a restraining order on me under false pretenses after Dday… Need I go on?

Can I tell the Judge that I don’t want my exh to have any custody rights to our son until he finds a place of his own? I don’t want my son to having any contact with OW? I won’t have it… What can I tell the Judge so he doesn’t grant my exh visitations?
What will the Judge think of him or does it matter?

I pay for daycare all by myself for the past 3 months; exh won’t give me any money because of the restraining order…Will he be liable for ½ of daycare cost and what should I expect to get from him as far as child support?

I can’t afford a Lawyer because I’m a single Mom now…I don’t qualify for Welfare, according to the State I make too much????? He’s not bringing a Lawyer either….

Please, anyone anything to help me…

Hopefully you've documented everything. If not, try and make a list of timelines, etc., things that your xH has said in regard to CS, etc., things OW has said, how often he's seen your son ~ just make sure you go in there prepared. And unless you can prove that OW is dangerous to your son, if he gets visitation - chances are the judge won't make any concessions towards that. Bring a copy of the restraining order with you and any police reports that may have been filed. Bring copies of any notes, emails, etc. And good luck!!!

Ok---the best defense is a good offense.

Get prepared, YOU are your own lawyer so .....prepare your case.

Dress professional, muted colors, nothing like hot pink. LOL

What do your papers say? Start there.

You state your reason (arguements) as to WHY you want what you want ie: full custody.

MAKE SURE the judge knows that H has NOT been paying CS & request it to be tacked on as 'arrears'. Also for the same reason (non-payment) you can request the judge garnish H wages so that the CS is taken out automatically by the employer & sent to you.

The judge SHOULD also order H to pay 1/2 of ALL daycare costs.

Stay calm, if you are prepared you will feel prepared. DO not argue w/ H but state your case to the judge. Be respectful & don't interupt.

YOu can take notes while H is talking ect to keep track of your arguements.

Be clear & concise about WHY you want full custody & think you deserve it. (H unstable life, history of instabiliyt, violence, current living situation w/ a 'convicted drug user'. ect)

Do state what you are willing to 'give'. supervised visit by a nuetral 3rd party @ H expense? visits of a few hours every other weekend? ect.

Ultimately the judge will decide by whoever makes their case the best.

If you have your facts straight, papers & PROOF in order, that should be you.(that the judge orders in favor of)

I'm sure you will get some more advice from others who also know better than me.

xoxoxoxox
kt

The judge should

Oh yea, document, document document... I most certainly have on exh every time he violated his restraining order (already called the DA) and I also have a letter that was mailed to me from ow stating he was pregnant from my h again and documented all the times she’s called to harass & threatened me.

The courts filed the CS paper and stated as of 08/04 Exh owes me CS, exh was living with me in 08/04 til 11/04; will the Judge grant me the CS if he was living with me or only after he moved out?

I’ll make certain the Judge makes a point to have his wages garnished, he’s not reliable… exh wanted to keep this out of court but I told him what happens if you get upset with me or I’m in a relationship… Not, I told him I would get more money if your wages were garnished than if there not at least I’ll have a steady income coming in…

I will be prepared & calm… I’ve learned this from a Lawyer friend when he helped me with the restraining order from the OW and won because OW made a complete fool of herself in court… I was calm, didn’t interrupt and spoke very polite & professional whereas the OW didn’t have a chance…

I wouldn’t even give my exh a chance to visit with our son with a 3rd party… All his friends are either drunks or unstable beside if he’s at his buddies home he won’t pay attention to our son it’ll be more his visit time with his friends. My family lives many states away from us and his family lives 2 ½ hours away… I would consider his family being the 3rd party only… There good people.

What are some ways our son can spend time with his Dad beside at the place he’s staying at… I don’t want my son out in the street hanging around??? Maybe I can leave my home and visit with friends while they have their time? I don’t know, any more advice on a 3rd party getting involved???

Many major cities have what are called visitation houses in which they provide a neutral location for supervised visitations to take place. There are child friendly and offer games and activities for the child and NC to participate in. Some are subsidized by various agencies and are low costing. Check to see if this is available in your area. If so, ask that the judge stipulates that visitation is only to take place here and that the cost be paid by your ex.

If not, consider something like I did in one of my agreements. I created a stepped supervised visitation schedule that had to be completed before he could be trusted with unsupervised visits. The schedule could be completed in a year if ex kept all his visits. During this period, supervised visitation is to take place primarily at paternal grandmother's house. However, Granny is 94 years old and might not be here much longer. At that time if he still hasn't completed schedule, visitation would be shifted to my parents' house.

When and if he ever completes the schedule and unsupervised visits come into effect, I still have the power to enter and inspect sny place that is supposed to be used for visitation. If I feel it unsafe, I have the right to cancel the visit. Now in all honest, my ex could easily show me one place and then move my son to another place. But I figure by that time, my son would be old enough to tell me..unless he was bribed by a Happy Meal or something.

But this all came about because of my ex's new relationship with a girlfriend that made it known that she did not appreciate me or my son being in my ex's life. She stated that I would never come to her apartment (where he was staying at the time) and that if he insisted on visitation, he would need to pick up son from his grandmother's house and then bring him over. But she didn't want him to give me her address or telephone number. There was no way I would even think about my son being some place and not knowing where.

"The courts filed the CS paper and stated as of 08/04 Exh owes me CS, exh was living with me in 08/04 til 11/04; will the Judge grant me the CS if he was living with me or only after he moved out? "

Well if you asked your hubby to move out and he didn't right away that is not your fault that he saved all his money to move and didnt pay the bills or cs.

Did you have your restraining order at the time he was living there? in aug? ect when did you get it?

They would have said you could have had the police remove him if you did have the order.

Now if you have an active restraining order against the OW and you did put your child in it which I would assume you did because most women put all the offsprings of the marriage in any orders then you wont have to worry the judge cant allow your child to be put in harms way with the threats and harrasment of the OW , she has shown a pattern of violating her court orde many times by contacting you ....RIGHT?

Good luck today!

How did things go today Chris? Just curious.

Court went well yesterday... I got more than what I was expecting: Effective 1/1/05: CS, 1/2 of daycare expenses, ½ of all medical expenses for our son from 2004 to current, full medical coverage paid by him and he is liable for 1/2 of out of pocket expenses…

After that was all said and done now exh wants 50/50 custody of our son… My stomach turned when he said that, so the judge ordered that we go into mediation to work this out… We have a temporary visitation order that says my exh can pick up & drop off our son Tue 11:30-5:30 from day care & Sunday 1:00-6:00 curb side pick up (b/c of restraining order) and can’t have our son around ow while with his dad. Those were my conditions anything else I wouldn’t sign. He’s doing this to hurt me b/c he knows I don’t want my son to have no contact with ow & the 2 oc. He makes me sick… I’m going in fighting even if I have to get a Lawyer! I have so much junk on him that I hope they rule in my favor… He’s just upset I’m sure b/c the judge stuck it to him…In my neighborhood we have a resource center called Community Solutions, I have an appointment with them to find out what and who can help me with visitations.

I’ll just keep praying & still have faith in God…. Other than that, I got my taxes done yesterday a very nice refund I might add, I won a Disney World trip during 4th of July this year from a local radio station, I got a new queen size bed donated to me from “beds for children” my CS is done…. The Lord does answers prayers girls, all you have to do is be faithful & Love the Lord and he will provide…

Last night I couldn’t sleep b/c I kept thinking of the visitations but all of the sudden I was thinking about my girlfriend who works for the Welfare department, I haven’t heard from her in awhile. Long and behold she called me at work today, I couldn’t believe it… I told her about what happened in court… I told her exh is living & supporting ow (she’s not working, oc was born on Jan 4)… So she looked into this and ow is still collecting welfare, food stamps & medical from the county… She calculated how much exh makes and he makes too much for her to be on welfare… She reported ow to the welfare fraud dept. b/c ow didn’t report this to the county that exh was living with her.

I don’t think welfare fraud & being an ex drug felon would go nice during our mediation, I don’t want my son around that or my exh who by the way if I didn’t mention pretty much kicked my A** while our son watched… That’s why I have the restraining order on him…

Again, I ask if anyone has anything to share with me on visitations/custody or a website I can do research on please, help…

Great job in court DC. Wow on the other!!!! Our taxes pay for so much and it's intended for those that NEED IT, not those that are being supported by someone and then collect it on top of it. I can't believe your xh would even want to be a part of that. He could loose a lot because of that. She will probally get kicked off and not be able to ever get it again, and who knows what else as I think that is a felon to screw the government like that, and your xh will put be put smack dab in the middle of it. Hang in there, sounds as if it's almost over!!!!!