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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 32
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 32 |
God help me, we found out a few weeks ago that the oc child is his....
what a nightmare...my life is so hard right now..
i told H that i needed time to heal our marriage before considering c (that is what he wants) and he isn't sure if he can do that....
what the h*ll can i do? H says he wants this marriage, that he wants our family, but he longs to hold his son in his arms and know him. He hasn't seen him since birth and he'll be 2 in May.
somebody please tell me what to do? How do i survive this roller coaster.. I want to wake up and have it be a nightmare....
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 286
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 286 |
You poor thing (hugs)
What do you think you will do if your husband has contact?
Do you think he wants contact because maybe he will start up something with xow again?
I know how devestating it is and you should point this out to your husband if the shoe was on the other foot how would he feel?
He prob would want to be confident in his marriage first before you went to see your other child living with his bio-father.
So does he not care or have you even approached him like I mentioned above?
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 164
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 164 |
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Before our test came in I felt that there was a gleamer of hope for us, like the nightmare just might end. That hasn't been the case though. I needed time to adjust. I had to take walks and go get massages and do other things that would relax me. Your husband needs to remember that your marriage is a priority and he should respect your need to sort out your emotions. Not sorting them out might be more harful to recovery than waiting. The bible tell us to be patient for nothing. But for me regardless what my husband wanted I had to make the choice to do whatever I needed to to find peace. I learned that no matter what happened I needed to take care of myself and I couldn't depend on H to do it for me. If I could we wouldn't have oc now. hope it helps.
cali
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 164
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 164 |
(((betrayed one)))
I know exactly what you're going through because I'm right there with you. We recently received proof in hand of my H's paternity to OC and we're stuck on what to do. It's going to take a lot of discussion between the two of you. Just remember (as I have been trying) that the hurt of the A has to be put aside and the thoughts of OC ONLY need to come into play. It's hard to do, I know, but you just have to do it. How long has it been since the A ended?
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 32
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 32 |
it wasn't an affair (at least that's what H says).
It was a one night stand and she got pregnant. I just found out in NOvember. What a mess!!!
I asked him why he didn't have contact when i didn't even know about the sitch and he says he doesn't know. I think that if he seeks contact right now, my marriage is over. I can't handle it and i don't think he should do it without me being present and willing.
I don't know what to think. any advice from anybody who eventually had contact with oc after "fixing" the marriage would be appreciated. How did you H make you feel secure in the relationship again? How do you get the love and trust back? I feel like i'm not special anymore. There's someone else out there that has his baby...should be our baby.
it just hurts so much, even three months later.
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