H seems to be under a large amount of stress again. There have been about 3 times this week that he couldn't sleep and I've found him on the couch in the night saying that he had an upset stomach. All day yesterday when I called he seemed like he was stressed, sick or like something was wrong. He said he thought he was coming down w/ something. When he came home, he ate dinner and watched TV. He is being affectionate w/ me, but it just seems like something is bothering him. He said he was going to go to bed early because he was tired. He layed down w/ me, but I woke up in the night and he was on the couch watching a movie. I usually wake up before him for work (5:45 a.m), I woke up at 5 and he's in the kitchen at the counter working on the taxes. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he couldn't sleep so he decided to go to work early. I went back to the bedroom (now I couldn't sleep), he brings me the taxes to sign. Next thing I know he is dressed ready to go to work, he gives me a kiss and he's leaving. I called him back and asked him if there's something going on, is he still seeing XOW, is there something I need to know? He says no, they are expecting surveyors at work today, and he's trying to write a proposal for his boss so that he can do an internship and not quit his job. He says he's just stressed.

I had a Dr.'s appt. yesterday. Everything is fine, and we should get to know the sex of the baby March 14th. I don't know if it is just the stress, or if there is indeed something going on. Last year when he found out XOW was pregnant he was extremely needy w/me, stomach problems, threatening suicide, and acting really depressed. Now, I feel like when anything happens that is what comes to mind. I have a file w/ e-mails from him admitting the affair, etc... I have saved this in case we ever end up getting divorced and I needed it in court. I brought it to work today and am considering calling his cell phone co. to get a copy of his cell phone bill again. I did this back in August and at that time, all calls to or from XOW were ones he had told me about. I just don't know what to think. He says he has not talked to XOW in 2 weeks since she called about child support. Ever since XOW was upset last time that I was w/ him for the exchange he has not seen OC. I asked him if he's gone by the daycare to see her and he said no. I asked if he was going to, and he said no, he was too busy.

Wife30,

It could very well just be from work. You said that he is hoping to get an internship, does that mean if he doesn't get the internship that he will loose his current job? If so, I would expect that could cause this type of reaction and stress. I know that any time my H has an inspection of the office, he's totally stressed out and gets headaches and such.

I say to just keep up the communication with him. Don't ask over and over, especially in the same day, if he's been seeing the xOW/OC. I say that because if the stress IS from what he's going through at work, he will begin to close up about any future contact. KWIM? I also don't see anything wrong with getting a copy of the cell usage. I do the same to my H, and he probably would with me, if it weren't for the fact that I rarely use my phone except to talk to him, and the minutes show that. Actually, it's not a matter of getting a copy, as I am the one to pay all the bills, so I see it all the time.

Anyway, I say to just try to support him with what he's going through with this job situation, and you may just see a change once this internship thingy is determined/resolved. If you get the copy of the cell usage, and it confirms what he's telling you, don't look for trouble where there isn't any. You may also want to reassure him, after you have found what you need, that you are working on the trust issues, and thank him for being honest(if it is in fact what I have stated about the job). I know, many times it seems as if the BS does most of the work, but many WS have so much guilt that subconsciensely they feel why try. I know that I went through it myself! Show him the support that he needs, and you should be seeing a difference.

Don't know if I've helped any, but hope that I have.

Tigger

((Wife))

I dont have much to offer because Tigger had a great post with good sound advice !

The only thing I can say is that marriage in itself, is a lot of work, communication, etc. to maintain--- and then add on past infidelity and our little minds can have the tendency to get all out of wack very easily.

For a marriage without past infidelity, these normal stressful weeks/days/nights happen regularly without much question.

You H during the A, was acting this way somewhat due to the stress of it, etc.. so there is a very good chance that he is stressed for other reasons, and his reaction is similar, thats all.