How r u today?

I am OK today. My heart is racing a little, but I feel OK. I am trying to do the things I need to do for myself. I have a IC today. I will run errands after work. I know that I'll be OK.

H begged me last night to hurry and file for a divorce. OW told him yesterday she has already contacted an attorney. He was very hurt because he's been asking her to get an agreement drawn up between the two of them, and she's refused because she did not want to give OC up overnight. He said you know, as much as I've done Wife30 has always warned me before she's made a decision like this, and he was upset that she couldn't discuss it w/ him first. I don't get this woman! If I want H, she wants H. If I don't want him, she doesn't want him. If I'm going to file she's going to file. Does any of this make sense? H said he will not sign anything and wants a paternity test. She doesn't want one because she said it hurts her too much. He wants to try to gurantee that I will get more child support than OW because he knows that I need more. We're not sure on the legal issues that may come in to play here as far as all this goes. I'm still playing phone tag w/ my attorney. H says he's willing to sign anything necessary to protect me.

She probably knows if you file first she will get less. Tell your H not to tell her a damn thing about you and what you're doing!!! File file file! My H says that if we someday do divorce he would give me more than the court would give me because of this OC. Your husband can do the same, but don't take any chances. Good luck!!

H says he will give me more if necessary. I'm not so sure on the laws here. I thought it would be split no matter who files first, but that's a question I need to ask the attorney. I also don't know if our agreement can be held legally binding since the baby isn't born. The attorney said something about not being able to deal w/ CS until the baby is born, I'm not sure if that's even if H is willing to sign an agreement.

I think I let it slip to OW. I know it was stupid.

It doesn't matter in the state of Texas who files first! Please read the Texas Family code on Divorce and educate yourself before you do something you dont want to do! It does not matter who files first whether you will get more or she will get more...the courts will look at how many children TOTAL are involved...not whether you need it more or she needs it more...Your H is trying to make you file for a Divorce so he doesn't have to be the bad guy! I would suggest you do what YOU want to do, not what your WH wants you to do!

OK is the OW married? this is very important because all laws say that her husband has to be dismissed as the father first legally! That means your husband can drag this out till the birth of your child probably. First make her husband take the test wait for the results and then she has to have the courts release him as the legal father all this takes months. Then your husband petitions for a paternity test more time, and it is his right to get the test first before they can ask for any CS at all. Now there is a temp order you can get that is legal and binding till you Divorce and he can give you alimony of his own free will, that will be taken into consideration as court ordered income they cant consider.
What state are you in?

OK, I'm in Texas. You're right it doesn't matter who files first. I am the one that put that in H's head from my readings here.

I just got off the phone w/ my attorney and basically my life is in limbo for the next 5-6 months. I can file, but it doesn't really do me an good to file now, as CS and visitation can not be established nor can the divorce be final until the baby is born.

I just hate for everything to be up in the air for so long. I am definitely a person who likes closure.

H said it's up to me, but if that's the case maybe we should use the money for the nursery now, and then I can file whenever I want.

He seems to think OW will not file for a paternity test any time soon, but who knows? It will cost him more if she does, but shouldn't affect me too much.

MTTB Thanks for the Texas Family Code, I printed it and am reading it over to be sure there is nothing I looked over in regards to the agreement H and I wrote. Also, the attorney said he is my attorney. H and I can split the fees and use our agreement, but H is technically representing himself. The attorney is representing me.

WIFE-
I in NO WAY want to give you false hope but it still sounds to me like your H may be in love with you still even though he denies it. I think he has done some CRAPPY things to you but if you have nothing to loose by waiting to file then I would wait until after your baby is born and in the mean time just be your own person.
A lot of times men see women in a different light after they realize they CAN and DO live with out them and then they realize what they are loosing.
This is a big switch from my usual posts. I usually encourage women in your simular situation to bolt for the nearest court room but from what your saying here, I have a different feeling about you and your H.
Again not to give false hope, I'm a stranger on a computer.

I'm glad you figured out your legal options. Since there is no benefit to filing first I would do like I said in another post. Put the D on the back burner, don't even think about that decision. Get a network of people around you. If he's there and you want him there, great! But don't count on him, have other people in place to help you through this. Get time away from the drama, find other things to do. Take care of yourself like you ar single. I think Gwenie's right as far as how men perceive women. Resign yourself that he is screwed up right now, it's not about you and go out and enjoy this pregnancy and make plans for yourself that don't include him. Reach out to other people. After the baby comes and the hormones even out a little, then you can reevaluate your relationship with your H. Good Luck! Take care of yourself!