I just wanted to know how things are progressing.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this again.

(((((Brandy)))))

Keep your chin up, hon.

AVNL

Thank you so much for your thoughts and concern. things are stiill kind of up in the air. I still don't think I have hit the floor from when H pulled the rug out from under me for the second time. We talked a little bit last night. I told him that I really don't know what I am going to do. I said I needed to know where i stand with him in this mess beore I decide if I will stay. If he can't put my needs bfore those of hers I don't think I really want to stay. i tried to explain to him that I want him to stop all contact with her until the child is born. He ays he can't do that. I didn't work up the nerve that I don't want him there holding her hand when she has this kid. i did say that I don't want him to go to any Dr, apts. He started to say no when I got really upset and tried to explain throught tears that All of the things that go along with a first child (we have non) should have mine to give him not her. That is taking all that away fronm me. He got very upset and was saying how ge ruined everything for me and how everyone hates him etc. I think he finally starting to realize the full scope of what he has done.

Sorry if the spelling in that last one is awful. My fingers got away from me and the next thing I know I ended the post. Oops! If you all haven't realized yet, I can't Type!

Anyway, I have had a hard time trying to deal with the big fat lie. The day H came back home to tell me that he wanted to make it work, OW called my house to appologize. This was before I even knew H had called it quites. As soon as I hung up on her I called H and told him to tell his B**** girlfriend to leave me alone. He was not pleased about that. To make a long story short he was on his way to the house at the time. when he got there she continued to call I kept haning up on her. He answered once and I said if she had anything to say to me to write me a letter. To think she was calling to applogize for Fing up my life when she knew she I knew nothing about baby #2. That just burns my a**!

I want to try to make this work but I have read some of the horror stories on this board about c and OW who are crazy and try to make the life of the BS a living hell. I don't think She is any different. She is very inmature. I really don't want her to use this child like a carrot dangling in fron of a horse. I know she wants to play storybook family with H.

Sorry I went on and on. I am just very overwhelmed right now and not sure what do other than to get out of be everyday.

Brandy,

Okay forgive me for not knowing your story, but are you saying that your H and OW are having BABY #2??????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I will hold my response until you give maybe a little more details. I know you are hurting and I am not trying to add to that I just want to make sure I have all the facts before making a comment.

Much love to you and I hope that you are okay.

W2E <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Brandy,

How much time is your H spending with OW?

Is their relationship over? Is he committed to your Marriage?

From the limited information I have read on your situation, it sounds to me like he's fence-sitting, cake-eating, whatever you want to call it.

Have you been working Plan A? You said it had been two months since you found out about the first OC/miscarraige (sp?), when did you find out about the affair?

My H basically carried on a relationship with me and OW for six months while he was telling both of us that he had broken it off with the other.

Sneaky b@st@rd.

I guess I'm just looking for a little more info.

I know this must be very difficult for you and I'm very sorry for your pain. Try to keep your chin up....

AVNL

Here is the short version of my story. I hope it clears things up. My posts are on here some where along with some in gen. questions and I think Divorce. Sorry I don't know how to do all of the links and fancy stuff. Computers and I are still making friends.

Here goes! I am 25 H is 25. We have been together 8 years in may. Were were married May 22, 2004 (that really hurts!) I found out about the A on oct. 26 2004. ( we had just come back from his great grandma's funeral) When it started it was a one night stand with coworker. Happened at a work party that I didn't go to (still blame myself for not going). When H told me it had just happened 2 days before. They continued to talk, had unprotected sex a few more times, and that was all she wrote. Keep in mind that she was married at the time with a 4yo. I found out the first weekend in Dec. that she was PG. I lost it then. H refused to stop seeing her. Lots of lying about where he was and hiding cell from me. Things were bad he slept in the spare room for 2 months and we didn't talk. i in the mean time lost about 10lbs, period all messed up, can't eat, sleep etc. on Dec. 28 she had a miscarriage, or so I thought. on Jan 1 H found out she was pg with twins and only lost 1. I was never told. Jan 15 H move out. one week later he come back crying and telling me so sorry and wants to make it work. All the while knowing that another woman was going to make him a daddy. So I said ok, if you want to make this work she is gone. He still has not moved back in. He spends all but one night a week at home. About a week ago I got that gut feeling that something was wrong. On Feb. 13 i got up the nerve to ask him how often he is still talking to her (still leaves cell in truck). He said a couple times a wk. I asked what the H*** he needs to talk to her about and that is when he told me she was still PG. That was a bad bad night!

We have no childern together so that makes it even harder on me because I wanted to wait to have kids for awhile (kids scare the crap out of me!) And I was supposed to give him his 1st child.

I have no iead how much time he spends with her. It is mostly at work and phone calls on his way home from work, and on Sundays when I go to work. Neither of them work on sundays. He is home every night when he is supposed to be. But I guess the nights that he closes and stays in town he is with her talking about the mess.

I tried the Plan A thing to start with, but I thought all it was doing was getting me walked all over. He was not willing to give and inch! Since he has been back I have been trying to do my best. He still will not tell me what went wrong in the 1st place. i am in IC to help, he refuses to go. i wish he would.

Well, hope that helps. I think I might sell the movie rights to Lifetime for a little extra cash! it is all too unreal!

I think several of us have Lifetime stories in the making!

Hi Brandy,

I am so sorry u r going thru all of this...u just got married...nevertheless, u don't deserve this mess. How could he tell u he wants to make it work, but still keep that be of a secret from u. He is the one that is screwed up, not u. He needs help. He is clearly putting this OW feelings in front of yours. They deserve each other ( let them clean up there own mess). I say cut your losses now. U r young, and have your whole life ahead of u. OW & H seem to like drama...(all the sneaking & OW calling your home). He doesn't seem like he is willing to give 100%...who wants to live a life looking over there shoulder, and always wondering, if you don't have to? You don't have any kids together, so u can walk away with a clear conscious...I am not saying that u will not be sad, because u do have a history together, but I am saying that u deserve better, and there is nothing stopping u from getting it. Take care of u, love yourself, and God will take care of u.

Just my two cents...sorry to be so blunt, but it is what it is. Take care.

((((Brandy))))

I am so sorry....to have thought you cleared the danger....only to find out that she is going to have his first child....hon, I'm so sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If I were in your position I don't know if I'd be able to allow him home, at least not until he made it clear to me that their relationship is over. NO CONTACT - I think I would demand it, at least until a DNA test and a custody agreement (if needed).

If he is committed to your marriage he will do this.

If he can't.....send him packing. For your own sake and well-being.

He's fence-sitting.....the longer you allow it, the longer he will take advantage.

I know this is probably not something you want to hear.....but honestly, don't allow him to walk all over you.

Hugs,
AVNL

While we were talking last night I told him that he was going to have to make dome sacfrices and compromise. I told him there has to be a paternity test. He says why can't you just trust me that it is mine, I said I do believe that you have slept with her, but how do you know that she hasn't slept with anyone else since she has been with you (the way the math works she had to have gotten PG the first time)? I sid I don't trust her even if you do. Then he tells me to trust what her H say (he hasn't had sex with her since last summer) and I do believe him.

I know that a lot of people think that I am young and have no ties and I should just walk away. For pete's sake my Aunts and Grandma say they wouldn't stay knowing what they do now. I wish I could bring myself to hate him. It would make it so much easier.

Life without him scares me to death. I am 25 I have only ever dated one person. I really don't want to have to start all over. I haven't looked at another man in that way in years! Don't get me wrong I know i can do just fine on my own I have a wonderful family to lean on, but I love him more than anything in this world. He has been my best friend all this time too. They say everyon ehas someone out there for them. I thought he was the one. All of this has been so out of character for him. I don't know how he could have fooled me and my faimily for all this time. You would think 7 years would be enough to get to know someone.

Please don't think that I am not listening to your advice I am.My mom and his best friend have told me the same things. I almost walked out before I found out about baby #2. If I leave i will have lost everything, H, house, good job (if I leave I refuse to stay in the same town!)many friend that I have known since hight school and his family. That is a brother and 4 sisters that I don't have. It is unreal how 2 people being selfish can take everything away from some one else.

Sorry for the poor me stuff. It has been a long boring day at work and I really need to go home, but have an hour and half left to twiddle my thumbs. Thanks you everybody for your concern.

B.~

Brandy,

You do not have to run because u have done nothing wrong....remember that. He is the one that is going to look like a fool, not u. Think about it...yes u love him more than life, but is he showing u the same thing??? Why should u trust him if he is constantly proving himself to be a lier? Why doesn't he want to take a paternity test? I will tell u why...because he is afraid of how the OW will look at him for doubting HER WORD( that this is indeed his child). He is still protecting her feelings and not yours. If he were all for U, he would do anything to make things right with u, and the one thing u ask him to do for your peace of mind...he can't do? I can not tell u what to do Brandy, but I will tell u to really take a look at what is going on here. Forget about status, and what people will think...blah, blah, blah...just think about how this affects u and your plans for your life. Yes u r young, and u may think this is the end of the world, but it is not...u still have your health & strength...and plenty of living to do! Take care. I am not judging u. U have to judge yourself. When we are in love, we feel how we feel. That's it. Again, take care. U will be fine. U have to do what is best for u.

Gofigure,
I don't think I was clear when I said I wouldn't stay in this town. I moved to where I an now because this was where H was transfered to for his job. I have no friends or family here. They all live at least 2 hrs away. I am not running because i am afraid of what people here will think of me i don't really care. After all I was not the one to sleep with a MM and lied to my H. I have hated it here since I got here and won't miss it one bit! I want to leave because I have no support group here Taling on the phone everyday just isn't the same as having somneone there. And I really can't stand the sight of her right now. I am not a violent person but I really do think I might start a fight if I was ever to see her in public. I will not go to the grocery store where they work because of that. H is about to be transfered again anytime and he is going despite what OW wants. I just hope he is on the other side of the state come Aug.

So that is why I want to leave. I'm not running from people who might judge me, but running to people who love me.

Hey Brandy,

Thanks for clearing that up. Yes, u need to be around people who love u. I know what u mean when u say u don't even want to go to the grocery store because your rage will take over if u saw OW ( Between me, U & the rest of the world, OW would deserve the beatdown u would give her...)

I am sure u will do the right thing...whatever that may be for u. U seem to have your head on your shoulders correctly...its just this love thing that throws us all for a loop(smile). Take care & good luck. Stay praying. And don't forget to enjoy your weekend...go pamper yourself. Do something soothing for u.