You made a comment Friday that I should know that My situation will not work with OC, it will get worse exactly what do you mean, please explain.


WG

Just saw this now-- let me go back and read what I wrote, kay

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Oh, and if you have read here for some time, you have a very, very good idea of why your current situation is not going to work with regard to OC. It just wont! It will get worse for you and H and I hope you can somehow make a new arrangement or agreemnt amongst yourselves (i.e. none of this is set up thru courts... ow saying you all cannot see her (yet her H can).. yadda yadda) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I meant is -- the situation as it stands now, is not making you feel happy or safe or comfortable with regard to OC and contact, from what you posted.

If your H is not making you and yours the #1 priority-- even before OC there was you and YOURS-- you are going to feel mad, sad, angry, hurt, etc.- and that cannot be.

You can sweep things under the rug, you can talk until you are blue in the face, etc. But you know as well as I do that this will catch up with you. It will hinder your marriage in every way, even when you least expect it--- you HAVE to get this discussed and worked out with your husband for your marriage to become healthy again.

It is unfair to you- to your heart in the state it is in now expecially- to still have these kinds of pains w/H. Did you talk this weekend w/him about this, and if so, what was his reaction? Does he think things can just go on like they are w/OC visits here and there, etc? It is going to cause grief in your marriage and in your lives- do you think so?

Write back and tell me how the weekend went, k?

I read your story. You are setting yourselves up, bad.

If that child is your husbands, you need to have it legally documented so she can't come back at you for back child support. You are in very dangerous waters right now.

Does her husband know it is not his child? He is supporting a child that isn't his. Should he find out, you will be nailed with arrears. Anything you have given this woman will not count at all. It will be perceived as a gift.

If he DOES know that it is your husbands child, and he is willing to raise oc as his own, then have it legally declared as such. This protects everyone. You can't be hauled into court at a later date and forced to pay up. And it protects him from losing his child, should something happen to ow. This just happened a while back. Some poor guy lost his beloved son, after his wife died, and the son was proven to be fathered by another. I digress, it makes no sense at all to not have all of this documented and handeled legally.

Also, if her husband is on the bc, and they are raising said child as their own, she is harrassing you and your family.

Do not ever do this with handshakes. Get a laywer and hammer it all out LEGALLY. She is in full control right now. Take it away from her. And don't you say it is cause you can't affor child support. Trust me, you will be paying. It is just a matter of time before she heads to the courts and demands it. Then you will be sunk. You will be paying back support, etc.


Please protect yourselves. If that is his child and he wants to spend time with said child, do it legally. That way she can't say a thing about you being around that child.

Please, educate yourself. You are swimming in dangerous waters here.

I truly believe her H is on the BC. I know we are treading dangerous waters, but all i can do is speak what I think is right, and i have made it clear that I will file for Child support before she does. To make sure my children are taken care of.

Gio

This weekend went o.k. we did not really talk we talked about my miscarriage a little we both kind of feel the same way about my miscarriage which is I felt like maybe I was being punished for something. He said all he could think of when I starting having a miscarriage was when I found out about OC and him having the affair with OW that I told him I wished OC was dead. I have explained to him that I did not mean it, LORD knows I did not mean it I told hiim my life was completley destroyed and I did not know what to think or say, he says he wonders if GOD punished me by me having a miscarriage because I wished death upon a innocent child. I told him dont you think I think about that everyday, because I do. I know the Dr. tells me it is nothing I have done, but how can i NOT blame myself, somethig I have thought, somethign I have said, something I have done.

I say to myself, what if that was going to be my little girl, and what if now I NEVER have a little girl, part of me wants a little girl, I feel as by being his wife that hopefully GOD will bless ME with a girl, but you never know do you. I am kind of glad we got something out in the open. Sometimes I think I take this kind of hard because OC is his FIRST daughter and I am REALLY scared that I may NEVER give him a girl.

He told me yesterday that was sorry for hurting me, told me was not thinking about what he did and it was dumb and I did not deserve what was done to me. I told him NO I DID NOT DERSERVE IT. Buit like he said hes done, he can not change the hand of time, now it is time to move on, to deal with it. I just ahve to keep praying to GOD to HELP ME.

He also told me that when he went to the hospital OW was shocked that he actually came, told me OW told him that she did not think he cared about OC, I asked why because you dont want to have anything to do with her(OW) so you are not suppose to care about your daughter thats Fu---ed up. Now, since he has been to the hospital she called him on Sat. and Sun. to let him talk to OC. Tells H that she is in a talkative mood and wanted to konw if he wanted to talk to her and of course he says yes. When she called yesterday he did not answer his cell phone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I was shocked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> said we were busy putting a computer table together, I told **** go ahead and answer and he said thats o.k.

Maybe now that she sees he cares maybe she will start letting us really see her again, instead of just lettign H see her when she has to pick somethign up from H for 2 minutes.

Other thatn that we did not really tallk, I dont know why I am scared to tell him how I feel, maybe I can get him to talk a little more tonight, I dont want to force it you know how men can be.