Since I found out about affair and oc, over a year ago I've been asking H and ow to have cs and custody done legally through the courts. Now we are in the process of handling cs and it kind of hurts. We got some paper work from Child Support Services and the doc said: ... "The respondent cannot be found in(State), but respondent and the natural mother engaged in sexual intercourse in (state), and the child may have been convieved by this act of intercourse...." After reading that I just broke down and feel hurt and betrayed even more. I can't belive all that is said in a legal doc. On top of that we're probably going to have to pay more in CS and I don't know how we're going to take care of us. I don't work because my H agreeded I can go to school. And now I feel like I'm going to have to work just to have the basics neccesities in life because of ow/oc situation. I get so angry because I dont see how it can get better. If H gets additional job to cover lost wages due to oc then they could increase Cs more right? I just feel like it's a loosing situation. I guess I'm just hurting at the moment and need to vent. Thanks for listening

I totally undertstand Cali. To actually see it on paper or to see the picture oof the Oc or to see them in person for the first time sure does hurt. I know for me I had a physical ache.

It will get better in time. just vent, cry or whatever you feel you need to do. Nothing about this situation is easy.

As far as the CS goes i think it is if his income goes up more than a certain percentage.
I know for us that you can (her or us) can only ask for a modification every 3 years. It maybe different in your state.

((((CALI))))

Cali, do you have an attorney? Each state is differnt. Also, do you have kids? KT and her husband applied for something through the court (she can tell you about it, as I can't remember the name of it) and got it I think. I would ask your attorney this question.

Cali
I am so sorry for your pain.

I hate to see the court papers when they come in the mail.

It was even worse for me when I saw the paternity test results.

It hurts to see it in black and white.

I don't have any advice I just wanted to let you know I know how painful it is.

Keep your chin up.

Ditto what the others said. DNA was like that for me---so very painful to see on an official document. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Someday this will just be a memory Cali---hang in there and be very kind to yourself!

I hope that state is not including any COLA you have in the ch-support figures. COLA is specifically for YOU GUYS for living overseas (OC does not live overseas!) and H's was not included in our case. % of his income would include a second job, but like Tsmom said, it depends how often ch-support is reviewed, whether it looks at last 3 years or just the current year or what.

Try to finish school Cali. (That's what I did while we were overseas too. So hard to do when you're military, but worth it.)

HUGS,
J

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by calismile:
<strong> If H gets additional job to cover lost wages due to oc then they could increase Cs more right? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately, yes.

My BF is an engineer and he was doing computer freelancing on the side. His xW found out and took him back to court for more CS. It didn't work because as soon as she filed he quit doing it.

He makes good money, and he was just wanting some extra income for himself. His attorney told him that if he had been working a second job for an established business (as opposed to freelancing), she would have been able to sue for that extra CS.

I think as long as the xOW doesn't know your H has a second job and that your H is willing to quit that job at the first notice of a CS hearing, he should be okay.

I do think all children deserve CS, but I also think that if a man is willing to work a second job for money for himself, than it should be his money. Unforunately, the courts don't see it like that.

I think as long as the xOW doesn't know your H has a second job and that your H is willing to quit that job at the first notice of a CS hearing, he should be okay.

This also may work against him depending on how long he works the second job. If he states that he has quit, then the judge has the right to determine CS off of the previous year's tax return as well. So if the second job increased your over all income and it is reflected in the tax return, then CS still can be increased regardless if he is still holding that job at that moment. And if the other side has a good attorney, s/he will know how to use this tactic too.

What usually isn't considered though is short term second jobs, like those worked for holidays, because those are used only to increase income for a specific period or situation....like earning extra spending money form Christmas or a vacation. But anything over a 4 month period might be suspect and come into play.

Cali, do you have an attorney? Do you have any children in the home?

I'd like to see the two of you file a legal separation if you do have children in the home-- this is just ridiculous and infuriating to read that there is a chance you'd have to quit school! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Just how much $$$$ does a baby need for crying out loud!!!!??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If I make overtime in a months time or bonus, etc. this does NOT mean that the childrens NEEDS INCREASE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Children and the household of MM get LESS and OC gets more, this is exactly what happens.

If a man pays 700.00 or whatever in CS a month, can you IMAGINE that all of the children or household gets this much or can afford to spend this much PER MONTH on each of its members?? H*LL NO.

I am so sick of hearing these stories. It is depressing and sickening what we have to endure due to the untamed sexual desires of other adults.

Cali, you better not quit school. You need a lawyer to find out what you can do to protect yourself from this bloodsucking situation.

In the meantime you cannot worry your pretty little head TOO much about it. As you know- as we all know, we feel we will not be able to survive financially, or things are going to crumble, and then they DON'T. We survive, we get by.

Money will always be tight (unless you are wealthy) and we ALWAYS make it. Whatever H has to do to make the situatoin work- HE NEEDS TO DO IT. And he needs to keep you in school no matter what.

((Cali)) Things WILL work out for you- please do not let yourself worry about the future right now. Let God worry for you- he says to leave your burdens at his feet. Only He knows how this will all pan out, and I believe He has plans for the faithful, steadfast and gracious Wives who are enduring this nightmare. He does.

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Missouri Statutes: Chapter 454 Enforcement of Support Law

Cali, please check with your lawyer. From what I glanced over from the above, all income will be considered and there isn't anything in the definitions to separate one type of income from another which some states do which is a bad sign.

WoW--that IS some graphic information contained in those papers. Our CS papers NEVER said anything like that. ick!!!!

As everyoen said the best defenxe is a good offense so check w/ your state & find out what you can do.

In our state, there was an 'option' of a hardshp credit IF there were children to support from another relationship that was NOT court ordered CS. (children of marriage) IT is up to the judge to decide IF they want to grant H the credit AND up to the jduge to decide HOW much! WE did not get very much BUT it was something @ least.

Get an sttorney.

You will be ok.

xoxoxoxo
kt

Thanks guys. I figured we'd end up paying a % of 2nd job to oc which for us defeats the point. I'm probably going to get a job. I know I will have a very hard time putting any of those funds into this house. I don't feel it's my responsibility to provide for this family. I think that lies all on H. And to know that my contributions are neccessary now to pay for his mistakes it just too hard of a pill for me to swallow. I think on some level thats why I haven't gotten a job, my silent protest. But I think getting a job and continuing to finish school will be good for me.

Speak to an attorney about how to handle future increases. Can your husband work as a "consultant" instead of an employee? You can own the consulting firm....the sole employee?

Speak with an attorney about how to protect assets. We did and it saved us tons of money. Instead of increases later, we took it in retirement. Stuff like that. CS was left very low for us and it allowed us to live our lives.

IT IS VITAL THAT YOU SPEAK TO AN ATTORNEY ABOUT HOW TO PROTECT ASSETS. But it can be done.

KT, thinking the same thing. Our court papers and motions and all were NOTHING vivid like that.