Two weeks into NC, OW is making waves. Today, she's been pestering me at work, finding every opportunity to send emails (from home) By not doing her assigned work, she's got plenty of work stuff to talk about with me as now I have to do it all. And she further finds any chance to drop in comments about her schedule, appointments, ultrasounds, etc. I did not respond to anything not work-related, but somehow through those emails I feel like the NC was broken. Based on this, I'm going to have to just totally block all her email, even work stuff, and whatever doesn't get done is her problem pretty soon.

Of course she failed to mention what I already knew -- that she had mailed Mrs. Lost a letter the day after getting the NC letter. I haven't read it, but it sounds like it was a sophomoric attempt at hiding knives in a veiled "apology."

All this at a time when we've been talking pretty openly and even starting some MC by phone. It's frustrating to see how OW's antics can disrupt everything. We could both use prayers and maybe a word of encouragement.

Lost, You are getting too much information from OW to be in non contact. You have to block all her mails. You have to pretend that she doesn't exist anymore or you are going to fall back into your old pattern.

Do it, you already have 15 days of no contact, If the work related stuff is absolutely necessary forward the mails to Flukeboy and have him edit them.
Don't give up! You are doing great!
It is to be expected that you don't feel so great. Have you read about withdrawal? There are some interesting comments about that by Dr. Harley on this webpage.

Good luck, we're all counting on you to keep the NC with OW.

It literaly makes me sick to hear from her. I've read the stuff on withdrawal on the site and many threads here, and I'm going to great lengths to avoid ANY contact with or from her. I need greater lengths.

I don't have the self-restraint to forward the emails unread, and I couldn't find a way to make a rule to auto-forward her email, so I'm just going to totally block her mail. If I miss something urgent, oh well, fire me.

((((Lost))))

I may not have much advice to give, just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I miss something urgent, oh well, fire me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah. Well, your boss knows what's going on, and you're trying to save your M. They fire you and you squeal your reasons why you missed something, I highly doubt they'd want THAT publicity. Block her. It's more than worth it.

Look bud. Your life is an open book right now. That's good. With the light of day shining in, deciet and lies have no place to hide. You're doing a great job.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Of course she failed to mention what I already knew -- that she had mailed Mrs. Lost a letter the day after getting the NC letter. I haven't read it, but it sounds like it was a sophomoric attempt at hiding knives in a veiled "apology."

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so effing typical I almost wanna puke. I swear they have a secret handbook they play from. Recognize it for what it is, and Missus, please take nothing she says to heart. As much as he's lied to you and hurt you, OW will try to magnify it 100 fold, even tho she was a willing participant, and right now is doubly to blame for trying to keep c up. She's a liar and a manipulator. She speaks with the devil poking around in her brain to supply ideas. Period.

(((squidges to the missus)))

- Kimmy

Lost -
You've come to far to even let the idea of failure enter in. I'm right here 24-7. Events like the ones today will not define you. How you walk through these valleys will. Keep walking straight ahead - follow the voice of God. That's the direction you said you wanted to go so let nothing distract you from the path ahead. I'll bring up the rear. Accept that you'll be imperfect but never give up the idea of bringing your very best to every situation- for God, for you, and for Kim and the girls. Protect Kim - go to great lengths to bring her comfort in what ever ways you can. You're the knight and there are all kinds of evils in your way. The heat of battle is no time for discouragement to set in. Get on your bad motor scooter and ride...um...no that's different. MOUNT UP! is what I meant to say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I've got your six. VICTORY - accept no substitute.

Just keep swimming - just keep swimming - just keep swimming.

yes Lost. Block her!!!!!

Good for you. Do something special for yourself today, you deserve it.
cc

Lost

I just wanted to add this, You have a wonderful support system here and from the looks of a wonderful friend in Fluke.

To bad all Ws didn't have the kind of support you have right ow.

Stay strong!!

Michelle

Well, I tried once more to auto-forward & delete her emails to Flukeboy, and I think I figured it out. He said he'll rewrite any important work stuff and send it to me in a fresh message. I don't even want to read her words about work things anymore. My boss is going to hear about this letter, too, since it had some information that he gave her I don't think he wanted shared.

Into the job market again this afternoon, hope to hear of some good opportunities around here. Although at the moment, the idea of relocating far, far away and starting over fresh with the family sounds really good.

Hi Lost,

I thought I would find you over here.Just thought I would pop over and see how you were.I bumped up your thread on GQII but perhaps you aren't comfortable over there now?

I'm sure you're in good hands here.Come on back and visit sometime.I am sure there are other's wondering how you're doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Stay Strong~

O

edited to add:

I just read all of your BW's thread.I am glad she is here now.DO *block* the homewrecking OW's e-mails pronto.I was sad to hear about the contact but you can put a wall up and prevent anymore.The OW is going to keep trying this tactic no doubt so have those firm boundaries in place.DON'T RESPOND TO ANYTHING FROM OW Lost! Not even work related anymore.Get back on that wagon and stay put. Remain a united front. That is how you beat the OW at her game.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Hi O,

I hadn't seen that my thread got bumped, figured it just drifted to the back. Since Mrs. Lost has been posting here, most of my time has been here too. When I get a chance, I'll look up my old thread and see what's developed.

Thanks for the encouragement. I am as resolved as ever about even more vigilant NC, after seeing how the last couple days went.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: Lost71 ]</small>

Hi again,

I had bumped up your thread maybe....last week? Anyway,you know how fast our board flies over there so I am sure it got lost in the shuffle.

Glad to hear about your NC resolution.I hope you will keep to it!

Prayers to you and MrsLost. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

O

I have a suggestion ask your boss to have her correspond with him(the boss) then he can forward any information to you and you will reply to the boss then let him forward the WORK related info. This way he can see she is abusing the work email to discuss non work related material.

I gotta jump in here... see Cordelia the problem is that the boss is ON VACATION!!! (How could he do that at a time like this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

So of course, STOW uses this time liberally to break ALL the rules - there was one from this fall about NEVER contacting each other's families. Of course I assume ALL those rules went out the window with the relapse.

My STBXH/FWH/DH (changes by the minute) and the OW are certainly responsible for the affair, but that company has made a few critical errors which have prolonged it or made it easy to continue...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">have her correspond with him(the boss) then he can forward any information to you and you will reply to the boss then let him forward the WORK related info. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cordelia - Lost tried this a couple of weeks ago. Sent an email to both the boss and the STOW making it clear he didn't want any emails from her and that it should all be run through the boss. Unfortunately, the boss has the spine of a jellyfish and wasn't interested in enforcing that. Soooo, now I will get any emails from STOW to Lost, do a quick read, retype any business related information and then send to Lost. That way he is not in direct communication, business needs of the company can be handled for these last couple of weeks and then Lost is free of that environment! :-)

NTL - Keep your chin up girl. God is in control. :-)

I was glad to see this new thread by Lost and Nottolost. I have been wondering how you both were doing. I noticed in the first post that Lost said you guys were beginning some MC by phone. Was that just Mr. Lost or was it both of you? That is an awesome thing! Keep it up!

As many others have said, it's great that Fluke and Flukette are there for both of you! One thing I do want to ask Mr Lost is, are you using EVERYTHING that Fluke is offering? He wouldn't be offering it if he wasn't willing to provide it, so if there is something that you AREN'T using, start using it! Yes, Mr. Lost has screwed up, but we all need friends and support during this recovery process. Don't feel guilty using the resources that are being handed to you! Don't try to do this all on your own! You need that support to get you through the hard times like you just had!

I will pray that you get a wonderful job and then there will be no need to forward all the emails to Fluke, as you will no longer need that email address!

Thank you both for the update! Keep working on yourselves, and see where the M ends up!

Tigger

Lost


how are you doing?

keep us updated

Well, it's been a pretty amazing week from my persepective. On the work front and otherwise, NC has been 100%. My boss returned Friday and we're working out the details of my last few weeks -- I'll only be working a couple days a week, to show some other people how to get through my responsibilities (never with OW, of course). No alternative approach was proposed by him, namely OW leaving instead, but I'm OK with that. The job search continues and is picking up, especially as I'll have more free time starting next week.

More significantly, Mrs. & I had our first phone session with Jennifer Harley Thursday night, and I think we found it tremendously helpful. We've both been through the MB concepts and Surviving and Affair, but it's so great to have a "coach" who's willing to help us put it all together with a daily action plan specifically for us. Her first advice was that we spend as much time together as possible, #1 to start rebuilding trust and accountibility and #2 to start developing an "integrated" lifestyle (one without LBs of course). This week we're working on our EN, LB and RA questionairres to go over with Jennifer next week. I think we both found it helpful and hopeful.

NotTooLost is rightly concerned about the pace at which this is moving, but I think she took Jennifer's advice to heart when she said we could go much slower, but it's been her experience that the sooner you start filling the love banks up, the sooner the "ugly" feeling starts to fade. Mrs. and I had lunch Friday and have made lunch a standing date, unless a work meeting etc. interferes. I'm also going to specifically target companies near her office, to try to find a job as close to her as possible for carpooling, coffees, and lunches.

God has been very, very good to us, through making so many resources available in this site, the great folks who have posted (NotTooLost told me she's been lurking over my posts almost since the beginning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), and of course the Fluke family. There's much to be done, and nothing can be done until today is taken care of (and that's how it will be for a long time to come), but for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel hope for us.

We'll be here to vent, update, and ask questions, and certainly lurking if you don't hear from us for some reason. Thanks for looking in on us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

woohoowoohoowoohoo!!!!!!!!

What great news to hear! I am so glad both of you took that step to open up to MB counseling!

Great advice they gave!

keep up the good work. WE're here for you....the good, bad & the ugly! LOL

sincerely,
kt

I am very happy (and a little envious I must admit) for you Lost and Mrs. Lost!

Do keep us updated. Happy endings are very important for us all too.

cc